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Thread: I Can't Keep up with My Partner Mentally

  1. #1
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    I Can't Keep up with My Partner Mentally

    I am so grateful for my boyfriend. I really am. Weíve been together for almost 7 months. We might have our differences and thatís to be expected. But for the most part, he is extremely thoughtful and caring. He looks out for me and I try my best to do the same for him. Out of all of my previous dating experiences, I feel the most secure with him and for the first time in a long time, I invision things to be long term with him. I really do adore him.


    All of that is fine, things for the most part is going smoothly but I canít help but to feel insecure. He is a total wiz. Heís definitely a wealth of information. Any topic could be brought up, from Greek Mythos, to politics, ANYTHING he can dive deep and make meaningful contributions to any conversation. Thatís part of the reason why I adore him, but when it comes down to him carrying on deep conversation about history or mythos with me, I am at a loss. I have been described as ďsmartĒ and ďadvancedĒ by others, but with this man, I feel as if I fall short. I feel like he would appreciate a woman who would be able to contribute more and challenge his views (challenging him in general). I might not be able to keep up mentally with him, but I DO know that my love runs deep and that I would be loyal devoted to him regardless if itís a rainy day or a good day.

    I just worry. I donít want the fact that he thinks Iím cute or the (hot) sex to be all fluff and then we fizzle out later on because we canít find things in common, or I canít dive as deep into a subject as he would like for me to. Iíve expressed my uneasiness to him, because I feel as if we should always be on the same page, and communication provides that for us. His response is that he knows what he needs. To love and be loved. He tells me that I provide him the love heís been wanting. I still canít help but to worry.. Has anyone ever experienced a partner who wasnít as sharp as you? How did you feel about it? Thanks.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My husband knows plenty of things I dont know and I know plenty he doesnt know. He's a wiz and genius with cars and their history and I get stories all the time about how some car was created, and by who and I mostly listen, but I do tune him out when it truly doesnt interest me. I know way more about computers and how to use them effectively and he doesnt really care, he can do what he wants on his computer and he's happy. That is just two examples of where we can learn from the other.

    There's no reason on earth we need to be on the same page about everything! I'm willing to bet, without knowing you, that you know many things that your bf doesnt. You can learn from him, and he from you. You need to settle yourself down and realize you both cant know everything the other person does.

  3. #3
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Academia isnít the only type of intelligence. Perhaps you contribute and challenge in emotional IQ. Maybe you have spiritual wisdom to impart....

    Sounds like you two have a great relationship...enjoy!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You've posted multiple times about how insecure and unworthy you feel in this relationship. People have advised you multiple times.

    Has any of the advice been useful to you? I ask because you keep reposting, so that makes me believe you aren't getting the answers you're seeking.

    Your posting history shows this clearly.

    So...what exactly are you looking for here?

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  6. #5
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    If its just two subjects [mythos & history] where you find yourself at a "lost" when he talks about it, then it's nothing to worry about. Sounds like a normal couple.

    However if you noticed that it's not just two subjects, but a plethora of subjects that you have a hard time contributing to, then I can see why you are worried.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    You've posted multiple times about how insecure and unworthy you feel in this relationship. People have advised you multiple times.

    Has any of the advice been useful to you? I ask because you keep reposting, so that makes me believe you aren't getting the answers you're seeking.

    Your posting history shows this clearly.

    So...what exactly are you looking for here?
    I've been feeling better about my relationship. I am looking for other people's experiences if they have been through something similar.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ConfusedLady21
    I've been feeling better about my relationship. I am looking for other people's experiences if they have been through something similar.
    It's the same thing. You feel unworthy of him and you continue to ask him for reassurance.

    Did you move in with him?

  9. #8
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    It's the same thing. You feel unworthy of him and you continue to ask him for reassurance.

    Did you move in with him?
    That's a recurring question that keeps coming up. Which I don't know why, it has nothing to do with my post. I have not. Never have I stated I would. I would like to but we're taking our time to make that decision.

    And asking for others experience isn't the same thing, it offers a different perspective.

  10. #9
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    I think in the past you posted a thread about moving in with your boyfriend because you were having a tough time finding a roommate because uneasiness of potential roommates living with your rescued dog. I remember responding.

    Bolt is pretty much right on. If you keep posting threads but the central issue is usually your insecurity, have you actually worked on those insecurity issues so you are not always looking for reassurance?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You both have your strengths and contributions. This world would be boring if there was only one expert in the relationship.

    My husband is very scientific and mechanical / handyman / Mr. Fix It type whereas I'm more artistic and creative so we balance each other out.

    Try not to feel so insecure. If your man loves and respects you, you're very fortunate so appreciate and be grateful for what you have. Don't create drama when there isn't any.

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