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Thread: I Can't Keep up with My Partner Mentally

  1. #21
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    <Removed>

    I asked that same question and was told "different perspectives".

    If this were an issue all on its own I would have some advice. But it's a symptom of a much larger issue. You feel inadequate, express your feelings of inadequacy to him frequently hoping to be reassured, then it happens again.

    Why not try a therapist to resolve these issues once and for all?
    Last edited by HeartGoesOn; 01-24-2020 at 09:06 PM. Reason: Reference to deleted post.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I love this type of balancing -it makes so much sense! Yes for me personally I am most comfortable when I'm with a person who challenges me intellectually and mentally - but not where I don't feel comfortable around the person or comfortable in my own skin. I feel confident in my intelligence. I feel humble too. I know what I don't know and I own it. I know what is out of my grasp (math, ugh). My husband is a math whiz.

    I am writing this while agreeing with those who said - it's like you're constantly on eggshells generally so I don't know if it is helpful to give input on these specific examples

    But let's have fun and assume it would be helpful. If this was your only issue I would agree with Seraphim and Cherylyn and some others AND I would recommend that you ask yourself if you like being well read. Be very honest about that. I've been a total bookworm for almost 50 years. I love reading and I love being well read. So I read the New Yorker when I can (no you don't have to be from NY to enjoy the heck out of it), I read good fiction (and also some not so good) and good nonfiction. I read every day. I probably should read more. Try to keep up with non-horrifying current events. And I also will try to watch a bit of Star Trek (yes husband is a fan). I also surround myself with people who are intellectually curious and like to talk about more than our kids for example. A lot more. My work requires brain work a lot of the time. i love that- feels like a good workout on my brain. My mom is 85 and does sudoku to keep sharp and goes to lectures and a book club and took college classes the last 10 years.

    So ask yourself if you're willing to extend yourself in those areas - if it won't be enjoyable for you then don't do it and accept that it's not your thing. It's certainly not everyone's thing. But it's his thing and I bet if you delved into a topic you liked he might come along for the ride if he's truly intellectually curious. I like to learn new things all the time. Do you? Be honest. I have a friend who is heavily into a certain kind of Brazilian dance, another who is a lawyer but now has her own ceramics/pottery business, another who is starting a life coaching business - so they might love being intellectually curious but they also love working with their hands, challenging their bodies, being an entrepreneur, using emotional IQ. Find what you're into. See if that is compatible generally with him.

    But that's only if this isn't just another excuse for "why am I so insecure generally"
    Very well said Bat and some questions that may help the OPer very much in delving into her feelings about all this.

    Too bad she probably wonít be back for another month... I hope she at least gave it a read, since it was very helpful.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Very well said Bat and some questions that may help the OPer very much in delving into her feelings about all this.

    Too bad she probably wonít be back for another month... I hope she at least gave it a read, since it was very helpful.
    She has no intention of dealing with the real issue, only repeating the same question, over and over.

  4. #24
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    OP, We have answered this question for you countless times. Do you realize that you have close to 200 responses to your feelings of insecurity with this guy? Why do you continue to return with the same question? I think that that is disrespectful to the people who have taken the time to respond? What do you want from us?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 01-27-2020 at 12:02 AM.

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  6. 01-27-2020, 09:57 AM

  7. 01-27-2020, 11:39 AM

  8. #25
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    It's the same thing. You feel unworthy of him and you continue to ask him for reassurance.

    Did you move in with him?
    She also continues to ask us for reassurance. Lady... if you don't stop with the insecurity, it won't be your inability to be the book of knowledge you say he is but rather you will be projecting a negative vibe that he'll likely get very sick of.

    I still canít help but to worry..
    ... and why don't you explain to us what good that is doing for you? Learn to relax and enjoy this feeling he insues in you that you are valued and appreciated or... find a guy that you feel superior to so that you aren't with such little confidence around. You're going to break up if you keep this unnecessary worrying because you are putting out to the Universe what you are going to get back so stop it before it's too late.

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