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Thread: Horrible breakup

  1. #1

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    Horrible breakup

    I dated a woman for almost exactly one year. In the beginning she had committment issues and we broke up twice due to her not being ready to commit. She came back both times and finally committed and things were overall going well. Her family loved me and we had a great time together.
    Fast forward to this past weekend...were at her moms house and we had a great time. Once her mom went to bed we go downstairs and my ex made some rude remark about a shirt i had and i asked her "what is your deal?" She then immediately took her stuff and went to another bedroom. I followed to ask her what's going on and she pushed me. I instinctively reacted by grabbing her arm. I immediately let go and said some terrible things to her about how her bitterness from her divorce has been an ongoing issue in this relationship. I then packed my stuff, left, and broke up with her. I texted her family goodbye and they were very supportive saying I worked really hard to make this work and they are sad I'm gone.

    The next day I texted her to apologize for my contribution to the issue only to find out she had blocked me on everything except instagram. I then messaged her on instagram only to have her read it and block me.

    This is the first time I have broken up with her and I took her back the 2 times she broke up with me amd came back. This was a massive fight and break up but has anyone had something like this where they came back or things were fixable? At the very least I'd love to sit down with her and have a conversation about what went wrong. We've had some issues but a lot of our issues were slowly improving as the relationship progressed. If anyone has been in this position, I'd like to hear what happened for you?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Why did you break up with her when you want to be together? That makes no sense.

  3. #3

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    I had grabbed her arm and it scared/upset me that I was capable of doing this that I left and ended it out of fear I'd do something worse. I never have in the past and this is my first time ever grabbing someones arm ever

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    No, things are not fixable. She comes with too much baggage from her divorce. She is commitment-phobic.

    You were impulsive and during the heat of the argument, you grabbed her arm. No one likes to be grabbed and it hurts. You can't take back what you said; no one can. Those words are seared into her memory just as certain words and bad actions are seared into my meory regarding what others have said to me and can never take back.

    People eventually forgive most of the time but forgive doesn't not mean condone nor forget. Forgive means to move on.

    It's very difficult and often times impossible to rekindle relationships (or friendships) after a massive fight and multiple breakups. The spirit dies within one's soul as if it got up and left.

    Both of you sound unstable and need tact and anger management lessons. It's time to go your separate ways.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry about this.

    I would say that when you're breaking up with someone three times in a year it's a pretty good sign that you two do not mix. You can break your brain trying to figure it out—her divorce this, your baggage that—but none of that quite changes the fact that, if you two got along well, meshed well, you wouldn't be in your third breakup during a time frame when a lot of couples are just having a blast.

    Give yourself a little space and distance—to regroup, to get centered—and you might see it more along those lines. Even the most toxic relationships are hard to let go of—a void is a void, after all—so the immediate instinct is to cure the feeling of the void by reaching out, getting back together, and so on. But it's a bit like trying to cure a knife wound with a blade: doesn't quite work, you know?

    You say you've never acted the way you acted the other day. Doesn't that tell you that you shouldn't be involved with someone who triggers extreme reactions in you that are out of character?

  7. #6
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    Doesn't sound like you are compatible.

    How long has she been divorced?

    Can you explain this: "her about how her bitterness from her divorce has been an ongoing issue in this relationship."

  8. #7
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    Your situation sounds similar to mine. I recently had a nasty breakup with someone after a two year relationship. We were simply incompatible and the all the wishing, hoping and trying wasn't going to change that. Although I now miss her, I am also relieved to be out of a situation that I shouldn't have allowed myself to get into from the start. Based on what you've shared here, I'd surmise the same is probably true for you in your situation. Keep your chin up, respect yourself and move on.
    Last edited by jul-els; 01-23-2020 at 07:07 PM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. On/off relationships and breakup threat if someone doesn't do what you want indicates tremendous unresolved incompatibility. You should not be sleeping over her mother's house. Never ever manhandle a woman.

    You are very lucky she or her family didn't have you arrested. You need to stay very far away and delete and block her and all her people from social media. Get into therapy and anger management support groups.

    You are not ready for a relationship until your address you anger, controlling tendencies and abusive mannerisms...Do not blame "your reaction" on being provoked when you should simply have walked out the door. Did you grow up in a violent or alcoholic home?
    Originally Posted by Rzba1
    we broke up twice due to her not being ready to commit. .were at her moms house. She then immediately took her stuff and went to another bedroom. I instinctively reacted by grabbing her arm.


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