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Thread: My wife's sexual affair with her personal trainer

  1. #21
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I agree just focus on healing and your children. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #22
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    If you've files for divorce, what does your lawyer advise?

  3. #23
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    By focusing on the guy, you are giving him more power than he actually has. I know that's counter intuitive for you, but that's what you are inevitably doing. You are focusing on the wrong person. He doesn't have any sort of magical powers and didn't make your wife cheat. She did what she did because she wanted to. Jose is about as relevant as a pawn. If it wasn't this Jose it would be someone else. Any willing scratching post will do for a cheater. She wanted some strange and she went for what she was after and that's that.

    Filing for divorce was the right move. Now focus on that, focus on your kids. Stay far away from her and whatever scratching post she is humping. Neither of these people are worth you getting yourself into legal hot waters because you posted something, confronted, etc, etc, etc. Stay way away. Resist the urge to lash out because all you will do is harm yourself in that process. Your lashing out can be used against you when it comes to divorce and child custody.

    The greatest revenge is to treat people like these like the nonentities that they are while you go on to have a great life. It may seem unsatisfying in the short term, but in the long term it will be sweet. Look beyond tomorrow.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I remember a case last year where a spouse sued the OM and won. The "Alienation of Affection Law" is still on the books in 5 states. I don't think he got any of that money, but he was satisfied with just simply winning the case. [Register to see the link]

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    OP is in California. That is a no fault state.

    It's where I lived and where I got my divorce. You simply file and then wait out the 6 month period between filing and finalization. If there are children the judge may order co-parenting classes.

    Of course the 6 months can be longer if there are disputes over custody or property. But there's no alienation of affection law.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
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    Why are you upset at the personal trainer? If it wasn't him. It would be another guy.

    He liberated you from a woman that truly doesn't love you anymore.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Your anger is somewhat misdirected. If your wife found it necessary to stray, she would have done so with this guy or some other.

    Not to minimize the intense, justified feelings you are having at the moment. I think it's entirely normal to be angry and want people to pay for their crimes. But I can almost promise you, 6 months or a year from now you will look back and agree that the time, money and effort trying to punish this guy was energy wasted. You won't have anything to show for it other than believing it was justified or right.

    We can attest to it here > Your anger is just and they are wrong. Throwing money at it doesn't change the outcome.

    I'm sorry. It's a difficult time for you, no doubt. Put that otherwise wasted energy you have directed on him and use it by taking care of yourself and being the best dad possible. That's how you come out the other side a better person for having done so. I get it doesn't feel that way in the moment, but it will.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Why not put this behind you, move on with your life, and find a new woman? The best revenge is a new girlfriend.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. This is not a turf war over your wife. She is the one who cheated on you. Your anger is misdirected. Do not pursue idiot torts which besides divorce and custody keep you in court with expensive attorneys. Use common sense and be realistic and perhaps have a therapist in your corner to put things in perspective.
    Originally Posted by happyfrank
    Why are you upset at the personal trainer? If it wasn't him. It would be another guy. He liberated you from a woman that truly doesn't love you anymore.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Why not put this behind you, move on with your life, and find a new woman? The best revenge is a new girlfriend.
    I don't think he should use another woman to get over this. He should have a sufficient amount of time to process this mess and move onto a healthier place. The focus should be the kids, not another woman. The kids don't need this either, as they are healing.

    Bringing another person into the fold makes zero sense.

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