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Thread: I have feelings for my best friend, but I am scared to shoot my shot

  1. #1
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    I have feelings for my best friend, but I am scared to shoot my shot

    We've been online/long-distance friends for over a year and we talk daily (text at least, he doesn't like phone calls or FT). I've liked him and have had feelings for a while and they grow and recede. Lately, I'm really starting to appreciate him, his personality, his looks, and his thoughts, like legit feelings. He knows I liked him in the past but he said he wants me as a friend because he knew if we dated it would eventually end and he doesn't want to lose me as someone who's so close. I know that's textbook friend zone but he said that over a year ago. I am fine with not being able to date him but we talk about a lot of personal things and when he talks to me about dates he's going on or new people he's talking to, it hurts. A lot.

    I have a strong feeling if I tell him how I feel the outcome won't be desirable. I value him a lot as a friend and I do not want to lose that trying to express my interest in something he doesn't want, but yet I can't hear about some of the things he says anymore without hurting. Should I ask him flat out not to tell me about the new dates he's on or people he's interested in? What if he asks why and assumes it's because I still like him (a topic we settled a year ago)?
    I think I might ask him to; "Out of respect for some feelings I still have for you, can you not mention your hookups or dates for a while please?"

    Thank you for the help,
    Dimka.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Have you ever cammed with him or spoken on the phone? Are you certain he is who he says he is?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    he said he wants me as a friend because he knew if we dated it would eventually end and he doesn't want to lose me as someone who's so close
    He knows that you have liked him in the past. He told you nicely, no. He also talks to you about other girls. These are huge signs that he only wants you for a friend.
    Not just signs, he has said straight out.

    You either have to accept that he will only ever be a friend, or stop talking to him knowing your feelings can't go anywhere.

  4. #4
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    Nope :( He just doesn't like that kind of stuff and I know because he tells me when people he talks to ask to FaceTime constantly it makes him uncomfortable.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Hmmm, well you don't even know if he's who he says he is. He could be an old man, or another woman, or a total creep who is messing about.

    You should be more careful who you trust online.

  7. #6
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    We use Snapchat (a social media where you send selfies/pictures back and forth). I've seen him and his place and everything about him. He's sent videos talking about something in the past. But when I ask if he wants to FaceTime he says he's not in the mood, not right now, or no response.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Have you ever seen the movie "Catfish"? People can pretend to be whomever they want to online. Unless you've live cammed, you don't know for sure who he is.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You dont really know this guy because you have not actually met him. He may or may not be who he says he is. You can either accept him in this odd friendship you have or you move on and hopefully find a real live guy where you live who you can go out with and enjoy. This online guy does not want you in a romantic way.

  10. #9
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    If he said that over a year ago and has given no indication that anything has changed, what are you still hanging on for? Your not scared to shoot your shot, you already shot your shot and missed and are now hanging around hoping he magically develops feelings for you while he is out on dates with other people. Harsh truths I know... All of my friend zones were in person, but I wasn't able to get over and move on until I stopped being friends with them and hanging around. You may not want to lose him, but the alternative is to remain stuck.

    Ultimately only you can know your feelings and what you are capable of. But I think it doesn't hurt to ask again, and you wont be ruining your chances, just bringing them into the light. If you think you can preserve the friendship and get over him without revealing you still like him that might be preferable.

  11. #10
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    A full year ago he said he was not interested in you.
    A year later he is still not interested in you , why is that surprising to you??
    Nothing changed in the meantime , in fact he has told you who he IS interested in.

    Why donít you tell him you lied to him for a year pretending disinterest while all along interested and hurt by his disinterest which he told you a YEAR ago?

    Why have you put yourself in this situation?
    He has done nothing wrong by you?

    Reveal your lies and hopefully he will block you so you can move on quickly from this facade??

    Sorry!!

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