Asked for my number, but no text?

I went out with a girlfriend on Sunday night and we met a group of attractive and friendly guys. We're all around the age of 24/25. One guy in particular stood out to me, so I sat next to him and we ended up talking for the rest of the night. He's extremely good looking, tall, has a stable career and a great personality. I immediately found myself thinking about how out of my league he was and honestly didn't expect much.

Surprisingly, our conversation flowed, he seemed actively engaged, and he matched me intellectually. There was never a point where things felt forced. We laughed, flirted, got deep with one another. I've found that I'm more of a listener than a talker, but he somehow got me to open up about myself more than I usually do. He also mentioned how glad he was that he could talk to me about certain things that he couldn't with most people. So from what I experienced, I'd say we connected very well. But here's some other things that happened:

1) He asked me for my number within 5-10 mins of meeting me. He wanted to invite my friend and I to his friend's album release coming up in a couple weeks. It went something like, "Oh that sounds great, I'd love to come and support!" "Well I guess that means I need your number.. ;)"

2) Further into the night he started getting touchy. Putting his hand on my leg, tickling me, grabbing my head and kissing it before he left. We were both not being shy with the physical contact.

3) My girlfriend was also getting along very well with one of his friends, so at the end of the night, they asked if we wanted to come back to their place.

At this point, I'm doubting everything we talked about, the connection we had, and his "interest" in me. I'm thinking he more or less just wanted to get laid. We politely decline and go our separate ways, this is when he kisses me on the head and mumbles something about getting home safe. I think I reiterated my desire for him to text me and let me know about the album release... but I don't specifically recall because we were all pretty drunk at this point.

It's coming up on 3 days, and I have yet to receive a text from him. I didn't get his number, he only has mine. We added each other on Instagram, but my account glitched and unfollowed him 3 times in a row. I now feel extremely awkward trying to add him back for the 4th time... So I don't follow him, but he follows me.

I understand I'm overthinking everything way too hard to the point where I'm driving myself insane... but that's the thing. I can't get this guy out of my head. My mind keeps going back to that night, and how comfortable I felt talking to him. Maybe I didn't show enough interest, didn't make enough eye contact, or maybe I just didn't make that special of an impression.

I want nothing more than to see him again in a sober setting and get to know him better/see if there's anything there. But it's 2020, and men rarely ever follow the 3 day rule anymore, so my only thought is that he just isn't into me. But why would he ask for my number if he had no intention of using it? Were his acts of physical affection solely because he wanted to get laid, or is there a possibility that he is attracted to me beyond that? Should I take it into my own hands and message him on Instagram? Or should I just forget it and move on? Really just curious about the psychology of a man's brain in these situations.

They say the easiest explanation is usually the correct one.

Give it a couple more days, but if you still don't hear from him, he probably was just looking to get laid.

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately he sounds like the type of guy who tries to pick up women and collects numbers. Don't bother with him.

He asked me for my number within 5-10 mins of meeting me. He wanted to invite my friend and I to his friend's album release coming up in a couple weeks.

 

he started getting touchy. Putting his hand on my leg, tickling me, grabbing my head and kissing it before he left. We were both not being shy with the physical contact.

They say the easiest explanation is usually the correct one.

 

Give it a couple more days, but if you still don't hear from him, he probably was just looking to get laid.

Ocham's Razor is a good tenet to live by. In this case, the simplest explanation is that he's a player wanting to get laid. Please learn to recognize bullsh*t when you hear it. Like when he says he can't talk to anyone like he talks to you, after knowing you for 5 minutes. Wanting your phone number right away, inviting you back to his lair, touching you and kissing your head.

He's not attracted to you any more than he's attracted to the next girl he met at the next bar. The psychology of a man's brain is that he wants to get laid and he knows what kind of sweet talking he has to do to accomplish the feat.

He's not attracted to you any more than he's attracted to the next girl he met at the next bar. The psychology of a man's brain is that he wants to get laid and he knows what kind of sweet talking he has to do to accomplish the feat.

This is sad truth, unfortunately.

Some men have routines they follow with women, they know how to play it, the right things to say, etc. If a man is genuine, he will not only get a hold of you to see you again and again and again, but he will prove himself by only having eyes for you and still be saying the same sweet things a year from now and so on.

Players have the same lines for everyone. Don't trust someone until there's at least been a few dates and you know he's at least trying and only seeing you.

The phone number sounds like a well practiced approach - smooth, and works like a charm. Your first clue that he was just playing is how quickly he asked. The rest of your clues are in getting overly touchy and inviting you to their place. Glad you had the sense to decline that. Anyway, that was their goal and that's all. If he was interested in more, he'd have reached out long ago.

Don't be so quick to fall so fast for an attractive smooth talker and lift up your self esteem. No man is out of your league, but thinking otherwise will land you in deep trouble eventually.

If he wanted to contact you he would and after all that time together he very likely would have made sure you had his number too. (Because it's 2020 - when I dated often only the woman gave out her number because it was unlikely she'd call the guy first). I think you can add him a 4th time if he's following you if your expectation is that you'll have someone new to follow on Instagram. I think given that you met him at a bar AND you two were very into the whole physical contact thing right away chances are he was attracted to you and had fun with you and it's one and done -he is not interested in dating you. Obviously people meet in bars, have sex right away, and marry each other -but it's a higher risk approach.

Also if you are looking for something potentially long term a bar is fine but stay sober.

He sounds like a guy who knows what to say and how to charm ladies. He asked for your phone number very quickly, sounds like a player, sorry. If he was really interested, he wouldn't wait 3 days to text you.

Avoid taking or hanging out with people who take party/club drugs (Molly,Ecstasy, MDMA, etc) that increase touchy-feely behavior and decrease boundaries to the point of inappropriate behavior.

Are you still seeing this guy?: https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=557251&p=7093687&viewfull=1#post7093687

Further into the night he started getting touchy. Putting his hand on my leg, tickling me, grabbing my head and kissing it before he left. We were both not being shy with the physical contact.

As far as his intentions - of course he might have had every intention of calling you when he asked. Then he changed his mind later. It's 2020 and a free country- he's allowed. He may or may not be a player - that's like assuming you have a drinking problem because you were drunk that night. I've had many men ask for my number and never call -and how many times have you had a female acquaintance say "we should get lunch sometime!" and you say "sounds great -let me know when you're free next week" and you never hear from them. They're not bad people -maybe a bit flaky or simply changed their minds.

He could have also met someone else the same night. Work on you self-confidence, why should he be out of your league?

I agree with everyone else. Buddy was hoping to get laid and when you said you didnt want to go to his place, he knew he struck out, so he has moved on. So should you. Dont get so wrapped up in a random stranger you meet in a bar, he sounds like he does this shtick on a regular basis, he's well rehearsed.

If you don't hear from him by the weekend, just chalk it up as having a real good time, and relish it for a few days. Move on.

One of my coworkers met a woman who worked for the catering company at an event he was working. They had great conversation and at the end of the event he asked for her number. She wrote it down on a piece of paper. On the way home somehow the piece of paper flew out the window of his car. Super freak thing. He was already almost an hour from the event location but he turned his car around and drove all the way back, hoping she'd still be there. Fortunately she was and he explained what happened and asked politely if he could get her number again. She laughed and complied.

Today they are married. Cute story.

But the point is, my coworker sincerely liked this woman and wanted to see her, so he made a big effort to get her number (twice!) and contact her for a date right away.

He'll contact you if he really likes you and wants to see you. If he doesn't contact you, oh well. No big loss since just a few short days ago you didn't even know he existed.

And I recommend dialing back the drinking. No need to drink so much you can't remember things on a night out.

In the 1980s when I was 19, I dated a guy for over a year who was too shy to ask for my number (we met at a restaurant for dinner with mutual friends), remembered that I had pointed out the office building in which I worked and that I worked at a day care center, looked up in the yellow pages the name of the center and called me at work three days later, only knowing my first name. By then even though I liked him I'd forgotten all about him-moved on - and almost hung up on him on the landline phone until he reminded me again who he was. Yes, people will make the effort if they want to contact.

He sounds like a player- asking for your number 5 minutes in is a red flag.. I think he just wanted to get laid.

I think your answer/writing on the wall was when he invited you back to his place. If he had your best interest in mind, he would have contacted you and set up a date.

JMO...

If he continues to ignore you, there is your answer. He has since moved onto his next conquest.

You're better off without him!

It's fine to go to clubs and flirt, but do not let random guys paw you up. It's not a sign of attraction, it's a sign of horny and disrespectful. Relax and get to know someone and if they ask for a date/your number great. Better yet don't go to clubs/bars to meet men.

he started getting touchy. Putting his hand on my leg, tickling me, grabbing my head and kissing it before he left. We were both not being shy with the physical contact.

 

Were his acts of physical affection solely because he wanted to get laid, or is there a possibility that he is attracted to me beyond that? .

He's well-practiced at this, OP.

Asking for your number within minutes of meeting you, tickling you, kissing your head, claiming he doesn't usually connect with people in this manner, trying to take you to his buddy's - this has player written all over it. He knows just what to say and do to have women eating out the palm of his hand.

He might contact you, but I'd be wary of this one. He seems a bit too smooth.

My friend "dated" a bartender who swore she was the very first customer he'd ever asked for her phone number from. And she actually believed him.

I’m sorry this happened to you.

He sounds like someone charming and that’s as far as it’s extended.

I’m proud of you for not going to his place.

My friend "dated" a bartender who swore she was the very first customer he'd ever asked for her phone number from. And she actually believed him.

Hahahaha that's so funny!

I think your answer/writing on the wall was when he invited you back to his place. If he had your best interest in mind, he would have contacted you and set up a date.

 

JMO...

- yup. These guys sound like players.

Oh you read him right. He wanted to get laid.

Some women are okay with it if you just want to get 'lucky' but seriously, guys like that are not "lucky"... I would worry about getting a disease or infection since he was acting a bit too easy!