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Thread: My boyfriend has a gun and He says I need to accept him if I want to be with him

  1. #1
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    My boyfriend has a gun and He says I need to accept him if I want to be with him

    I need an advice...

    I met my ex 2years and a half ago, we come from different cultures and political views. He used to have a gun at his place and at soon as he told me I said I was NOT comfortable at all with dating a guy with guns. It does NOT make me feel safe, it makes me feel extremely UNSAFE. He respected that and took his gun to his parents house, after a while he said he sold it. That was one of the things I always appreciated and I always told him that. He never mentioned anything about having guns again. But we started to have different problems and he quickly showed his addictions, temper and insecurities.

    So, I broke up with him after dealing with significant amount of porn, steroids, pills, and an awful temper! and LIES! He was always very jealous (protecting as he says he is). I went through many ugly fights in which if he never punched me he did put his hands on me BUT hurt me by pushing me and grabbing me very hard. My son had witness some of his rages and he kicked us out of his house (one night I had to take my kid and go to a hotel).... so the last time he was going crazy scaring me and my kid. I got a place and left him. That was 6 months ago.

    During all these time he has been perusing me a lot! calling me from restricted, leaving me messages, showing up at my new place... etc. saying he was changing and will never hurt me again, that he wanted to prove me how much he loves me.... and while I was starting to feel that he might have another last chance, he now tells me he's got a new gun and that I needed to accept him the way he is. He says he wants to be "himself".
    I of course told him that he's always known how I feel about that and that if I didn't feel safe with him when he didn't have one, how is that he pretends me to feel ok with having a firearm?
    He now insists is only for "protection", that he has the "right to bear arms" and that he WILL NOT be ok without a gun. Basically, he is now choosing having a gun over being with me. He tells me that I am crazy since I am the only woman who doesn't want a guy with a gun and that is "willing to protect his family". I love him but it BREAKS ME he is now choosing something that I HATE and that makes me feel soooooo UNSAFE!
    But the thing is.... who will protect me from him? I am entitled to my believes too, That anybody in a moment of range if there is a gun around they will use it! or threat by using it! I LOVE THIS GUY! BUT I DON'T TRUST HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST TO ME!
    I the crazy one here???

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    If you're uncomfortable and look upon armed men with disdain, listen to your gut instincts and intuition by dissolving the relationship. No, you're not crazy.

    If he continues to harass you and show up on your doorstep unannounced, next time, call the police and have law enforcement ensure that he stays away from you. Ghost, block and delete him, too.

    He's dangerous, hurts you physically, scares your son as he witnesses his rages not to mention the guy's sickness with porn, steroids, pills and raging tempers! He's a tinder box ready to blow! And, with a gun, there's no telling how wrong this scenario could turn!

    You don't want to end up on '1st 48.' (Homicide)

    There is no love whatsoever. Don't get it twisted. No trust = NO love. You are crazy for loving him but you're not crazy for wanting him to stay away from you and your child. He's scary!

  3. #3
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    You’re crazy for still talking to him.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by angy864
    I need an advice...

    I met my ex 2years and a half ago, we come from different cultures and political views. He used to have a gun at his place and at soon as he told me I said I was NOT comfortable at all with dating a guy with guns. It does NOT make me feel safe, it makes me feel extremely UNSAFE. He respected that and took his gun to his parents house, after a while he said he sold it. That was one of the things I always appreciated and I always told him that. He never mentioned anything about having guns again. But we started to have different problems and he quickly showed his addictions, temper and insecurities.

    So, I broke up with him after dealing with significant amount of porn, steroids, pills, and an awful temper! and LIES! He was always very jealous (protecting as he says he is). I went through many ugly fights in which if he never punched me he did put his hands on me BUT hurt me by pushing me and grabbing me very hard. My son had witness some of his rages and he kicked us out of his house (one night I had to take my kid and go to a hotel).... so the last time he was going crazy scaring me and my kid. I got a place and left him. That was 6 months ago.

    During all these time he has been perusing me a lot! calling me from restricted, leaving me messages, showing up at my new place... etc. saying he was changing and will never hurt me again, that he wanted to prove me how much he loves me.... and while I was starting to feel that he might have another last chance, he now tells me he's got a new gun and that I needed to accept him the way he is. He says he wants to be "himself".
    I of course told him that he's always known how I feel about that and that if I didn't feel safe with him when he didn't have one, how is that he pretends me to feel ok with having a firearm?
    He now insists is only for "protection", that he has the "right to bear arms" and that he WILL NOT be ok without a gun. Basically, he is now choosing having a gun over being with me. He tells me that I am crazy since I am the only woman who doesn't want a guy with a gun and that is "willing to protect his family". I love him but it BREAKS ME he is now choosing something that I HATE and that makes me feel soooooo UNSAFE!
    But the thing is.... who will protect me from him? I am entitled to my believes too, That anybody in a moment of range if there is a gun around they will use it! or threat by using it! I LOVE THIS GUY! BUT I DON'T TRUST HIM FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE IN THE PAST TO ME!
    I the crazy one here???
    Why on earth you're isolating the issue of firearms is well beyond me.

    I own firearms. My wife is trained to safely and responsibly handle, operate, and care for them as well. Just as our kids will be. You couldn't convince me to forego my responsibilities and rely on law enforcement to provide immediate protection for my person or my family, or for me to put faith in the next several decades turning out just peachy without need of one. That said, if you don't like guns or otherwise simply aren't comfortable with them, that's perfectly reasonable. Zero disrespect for folks who make that conscious decision for themselves. Just choose a partner who shares your values. Ideally one who doesn't juice, rage in front of your kids, punch you, lie to you, etc., etc.

    Honestly, and it's not even my position on gun ownership talking, if your real "but for" is that he owns a gun and not any single or combination of the dozen other gigantic red flags, you've seriously gotta stop dating. For your son's sake much moreso than yours. A man like this is destructive and dangerous with or without a gun, though especially with. Distance yourself sooner than later or you'll need a gun yourself whether you like it or not.
    Last edited by j.man; 01-21-2020 at 10:36 PM.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Run.... FAR FAR FAR AWAY.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    It's a proven fact that if he physically harmed you once, he'll do it again. You can't fix him nor can you change him. With that said, please don't feel you're the exception to the rule, you're not.

    In any event and not to start a debate on guns, they're not at all welcome in my home.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I'd dump his gun toting ass so fast he wouldn't know what happened. I hate guns. Why are you having anything to do with this guy? He puts his hands on you, that's a big red flag right there. If he's done it once, he'll do it again. He is also a liar. Your child should never be exposed to such terrible abuse. You are damaging your child by being around this jerk.

    Get a restraining order ASAP. Enfirce it if he shows up at your house. Change your phone #, delete him from any social media.

    Surely you know this guy is a ticking time bomb.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Kinda thinking the gun is the least of your worries here.

  10. #9
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    This is what you are focusing on! That is the least of your problems, unless he has one of his episodes and shoots you and your kid.

    Your ex sounds very dangerous and unstable, how can you consider exposing this lunatic to your child again? Do you want your child removed from your care, because you were exposing him to an abusive environment. Where is your good judgement. Be a better parent.

    He has not changed, and you must accept that he is incapable of having any relationship.

    . You need a restraining order and a new number. Call the police if he comes over. Stop engaging him.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 01-22-2020 at 12:29 AM.

  11. #10
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    Do you love him enough to allow him to shoot you? Because that's what he'll probably do. He has already displayed his willingness to do you physical harm. That's not love. Get away from him as far and as quickly as you can, permanently, before you get seriously physically hurt.

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