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Thread: I Admit I'm Jealous, But Am I Wrong To Be?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Honestly, I think he had zero obligation to inform you the coworker was going to be there for the marathon. You start putting your partner on edge accusing them of impropriety and being inappropriately attracted to coworkers, and it's not terribly surprising they'll tend to adopt the road of least resistance. So long as he knows he didn't **** her or otherwise engage inappropriately with her, where's the tort? That a pair of t1ts ever happened to be present within 20 feet of him? Not subjecting himself to your demonstrable insecurity? And were these really just "friends?" Not professional colleagues? Because I might have a grain of sympathy if it was him, Bob, and Jorge, the middle school Dream Team, and then.... *Jennifer.* It's another thing if they're representing their company or affiliates, as is very often the case in marathons.

    Regardless, even if you wanna go down that path, a big rule of thumb in my life has been I don't give people a reason to lie to me or intentionally (potentially in this case) omit information from me. 99.9% of the time, people either lie out of malice or self-preservation. I like knowing I'd done nothing to solicit an excuse of the latter, even if as a bad excuse. And I enjoy being able to subsequently cut them out then and there at zero risk of losing a minute of sleep. If it's any crime I'd put on him, it's not dumping you as soon as you'd confronted him over a colleague with no footing to speak of. The trust is long gone. It's not worth jumping the hurdles.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Since your boyfriend knew you were insecure about his female colleague, he could've told you that she would be at the marathon and put your fears to rest. Then most likely, you would've been rest assured that he wasn't cheating on you.

    Since your boyfriend knew you were insecure and deliberately refrained from telling you that his female colleague would also be traveling to the marathon with him, that part doesn't set well with me IMHO.

    Granted, he's not under any obligation to disclose his traveling arrangements with you nor reveal his female colleague's presence. However, it would've been considerate of him to come forward with this information as opposed to concealing it and your finding out later on your own which is disconcerting.

    It sounds like both of you don't trust each other; not just your not trusting him.

    Also, think about your 12 year age difference. This type of age gap will eventually pose some serious problems later on down the road.

    My parents were over 10 years apart as are my cousin's and friend's marriages.

    At first, everything is peachy because the man is young and vital FOR NOW. Then as he ages rapidly, you're still young and healthier. You'll end up tending to a sickly old man in due time and he will prove to become a miserable burden to you. You cannot compete with Father Time and Mother Nature because they will always win.

    Between mutual distrust issues and the 12 year age difference, your relationship with him is unrealistic and wasn't meant to be.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    That's the issue... she doesn't believe she is wonderful.
    Yes I agree totally which is why Iím asking her to sit back and think about what I wrote . Whether or not her bf realises her wholeness and the wonderful person she is , whether he chooses superficial attributes like youth and beauty over what he has with her is not the issue here . Itís all about her realising her own worth !
    She clearly isnít doing this . When she starts to ask herself why she is so worried about him. What is making her think he places so little value on her that he would choose someone heís known for such a short time over her then she might consider what the true depth of their relationship is . But at the end of the day thatís a completely seperate issue to knowing that someone elseís assessment of your own value tells you more about them than it does about your own worth
    The issue here is that she is not realising her own value but I wanted go a step further and remind her that what her bf does doesnít affect that value

  4. 01-22-2020, 01:41 AM

  5. #14
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    Has he ever given you a legitimate reason not to trust him?

    If not, think about what your accusations are telling him: that you think he is the type of man who cheats and disrespects his partner; that you think he lacks a moral compass; that you think he is not an upstanding guy.

    I don't blame him for not responding. Your mind went wild, which happens, but the way you handled it was very poor and likely offensive to his sensibilities. Leave him be for now. He will talk to you when he's ready, and you two do need to have a big talk. You also need to do some seriously reflecting on why you feel so bad about yourself, and what you can do to change that.

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  7. #15
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    Maybe you should ask her on a date?
    You have painted a wonderful picture of her , admire her etc
    She sounds great!!!

    Yet you havenít been as complimentary about your bf? Or yourself? Why not?

    Do you believe your bf wants to be with her and not you? What evidence do you have? If none then itís a concoction in your mind. Right?

    Would you have asked him not to go had you known she was going? And why? Because you donít trust her? You donít trust him? Or because you are insecure?

    If you trust him then itís irrelevant if you trust her or not.
    Takes two to tango.

    You need to take a giant step back! Donít apologise at this point because it will be perceived as fake and likely will be fake based on replying because of opinions here.

    He will reach out to you. But be prepared for some home truths and donít take them too personally.
    He is just going to say it as it is.

  8. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How did you meet? Was he with someone when you started dating? Do you or did you work together? Do you live in the same area?

    What are your goals in life? Are they in line with this guy's? It seems the relationship itself has many challenges and difficulties. This is not only about being superficial and insecure, it's about a relationship that is and has been stalled out. This has nothing to do with the coworker.

    Take this time apart to reflect if someone like this has any value in your future. In the meantime a few sessions with a therapist to guide you and sort out some insecurities may help.
    Originally Posted by KKadessa00
    We survived long distance and were ready to see each other more often in the same city!

    Still in limbo, waiting for him to connect or start talking again. His silence and the time it's taking is maddening! Any thoughts and opinions on not being so anxious while waiting for us to decide what's next?

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