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Thread: Did I miss my chance with him?

  1. #1
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    Did I miss my chance with him?

    I met this guy a last month and we've been building a pretty good friendship. We're in our early 20s. I didn't see him as a romantic potential because I just came out of a breakup... and I just didn't see him that way. Last week he invited me to get lunch with him. I asked if any friends from his circle were going. He said it would be just us. I was feeling weird about it because we've never hung out 1 on 1. I guess he picked up on my discomfort and just told me to forget that the conservation happened. We continued to be friends like nothing happened.

    What's ironic is that ever since then, I've been interested in him. I'm starting to see that he's my type and I would really want to get to know him better. Today, I texted him to ask if he would like to get dinner with me but he seemed to have ignored it (he replied to my other messages). I tried again and asked him if he wanted to see this (really bad it's good) movie but he responded with "I'd rather see (an equally bad it's good) movie." I'm not sure if that's a rejection? If it is, then I guess I've just learnt a valuable life lesson. What should I do from here? Thanks!

  2. #2
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Firstly, he is confused about your lukewarm interest in him from the start.
    Secondly, he is feeling rejected from your comment about the first date.
    Thirdly, he is once again confused especially now that you have amped up interest in him.

    He is getting mixed messages and feels like he is in the friendzone.

    What to do next is up to you, but know that he is distancing himself from you to protect his heart and ego.

    If it were me, I'd go see the movie HE suggested as a peace offering and see where it goes.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    So with only another week spent with him, you went from "I don't see him that way" to "He's my type." A week ago you're thinking you're not ready to date being just out of a break up, and now a week passes and you're ready to date?

    You're all over the map, and he sees you as a bad risk to his heart. If you explained to him why your feelings changed in a mere week, he might take it well and he might not. Do you really think you're ready to date? How is your self esteem? If it's poor, subconsciously, maybe, you weren't attracted until you were rejected. Maybe when he accepts you again, you'll go back to "not seeing him that way."

    Either you can give yourself more time to move on after your breakup and keep him as a friend and see if you're still attracted to him at a later date, or you can have a discussion with him now that you didn't think you were ready to date and it surprised you when he asked you out. But after more introspection, you've realized you two have a lot in common and would love to go on a one-on-one date with him.

    Whatever you do, don't do this in text. Always discuss important matters such as this in person. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You asking him to meet for dinner is him thinking he's simply in the friends zone since you already rejected him. That's why he's not having any of it he doesn't want to be "friends" and probably feels like a dork for trying to ask you out in the first place. Some guys don't handle rejection well and scurry away with their tail between their legs. The best way to approach this is being flirty with him when you see him. Giving him actual physical signals of interest will pull him back in.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Smackie is right - because you already rejected him once, he put you in the friends zone. I'd give it some time, maybe he'll have a change of heart.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you still communicating with your exbf? If so you are sending mixed messages to this guy and he's backing away. Step back, reflect and decide if you like him or not or he's just someone for now.
    Originally Posted by archimage
    I didn't see him as a romantic potential because I just came out of a breakup... and I just didn't see him that way.

    Last week he invited me to get lunch with him. What's ironic is that ever since then, I've been interested in him.

  8. #7
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    I would talk to him face to face or on the phone -not text. "I'm sorry if you were put off by my asking if anyone else was going to lunch It was a mistake on my part and I'd really like to get to know you better -would you be open to rescheduling? I hope so."

  9. #8
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    Thank you for the advice everyone. I think I'm going to give it another few days before being direct with him and explaining my actions.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What do you plan to tell him? Relationships talks seem a bit premature if you haven't gotten to a first date yet. Why not skip over all that and ask him out again. If he keeps rebuffing you then you can simple move on. Make it clear in your communication and on the date that it's dating not just friends hanging out. The friendzone vibe seems to be why he backed away.
    Originally Posted by archimage
    Thank you for the advice everyone. I think I'm going to give it another few days before being direct with him and explaining my actions.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    What do you plan to tell him? Relationships talks seem a bit premature if you haven't gotten to a first date yet. Why not skip over all that and ask him out again. If he keeps rebuffing you then you can simple move on. Make it clear in your communication and on the date that it's dating not just friends hanging out. The friendzone vibe seems to be why he backed away.
    Hi, thanks for your reply. I'm planning to bring up the time he asked me to lunch and explain why I declined it at the time. Then I'll explain why my feelings for him have changed.

    I agree, I just want to see how it goes with one date. I have a feeling that he'll reject the idea though because he seemed pretty distant today and might have moved on. Thanks for advice... this is the first time I've to ask someone out!

  12. 01-10-2020, 10:48 PM

  13. 01-11-2020, 02:53 AM

  14. 01-11-2020, 06:46 AM


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