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Thread: Boyfriend making me keep a secret and being mad because it got out

  1. #1

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    Boyfriend making me keep a secret and being mad because it got out

    A while back my boyfriend made a bad decision whilst drunk and confessed to me that night whilst I was sleeping. I woke up the next morning worried sick if he was okay and it put me through so much stress and trauma. He was thankfully okay and whether the decision was right or not I moved on from it purely because he was safe.

    Last weekend whilst myself drunk I have been accused (no memory) of telling one of his family friends about the previous situation. I know this was wrong but clearly alcohol was involved and although I thought I was okay drunk me clearly had different ideas and had built it up to this point.

    Obviously word has gone back to his family and he is unhappy with me because I have told someone and they will now disapprove of him. I feel absolutely awful about it all because it was unintentional (I was drunk) however he's now telling me now not to see him this weekend (I travel 2 hours to see him for the weekend) even though I have booked time off work to visit.

    I just wanted to know whether I am completely in the wrong here or if he is being unfair treating me this way for a mistake HE initially made.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    A person who makes a bad decision while drunk should learn from that lesson and no longer drink. You both drink to mental impairment, and apparently haven't learned that if you can't control what you do or say, that perhaps you should find fun in life without drinking. Alcoholism runs strong on one side of my family. I've had many relatives die young because of this vice, and have many relatives who have now been sober for many years and are so much happier and regularly announce their joy about it at every yearly milestone. There are other ways to have fun and be social.

    I predict if you both stop drinking, it will take away one less problem in your life. Have a talk with him about both making changes in your life for better success of your relationship.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Two wrongs don't make a right.

    Both of you are irresponsible and are drinking far too much. Neither of you are in the right.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    When you choose to get wasted, you choose to accept the consequences of your actions. That goes for both of you. Neither one of you has clean hands in this and yes, to answer your question, he needs to own his part and not just blame you 100%. You both sound very young and still learning the whole adulting thing -> choices = consequences, so choose wisely. Some consequences you can't erase.

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  6. #5
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    What happened exactly? Were you both involved in this "mistake"? How long have you two been together?

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    No it was just his 'mistake' it didn't involve me or another person but it was something he did. We have been together 7 months.

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    Whilst I understand I have done something wrong I just feel its unfair that its pinned down all onto me when it was in fact him that made the mistake int he first place, and to punish me by not letting me see him when I don't get to often see him is just not fair.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mrwibit
    Whilst I understand I have done something wrong I just feel its unfair that its pinned down all onto me when it was in fact him that made the mistake int he first place, and to punish me by not letting me see him when I don't get to often see him is just not fair.
    Is this is how he acts and treats you when life doesn't go his way....you might want to reconsider this relationship and whether you should continue to see him at all. In your shoes, I wouldn't. I don't tolerate people who throw punitive tantrums and you shouldn't tolerate that either. Plenty more guys out there who are much more decent. No reason to settle for a jerk.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    He asked you not to tell anyone. You did anyway. "I was drunk" does not excuse what you did.

    So yes, he can decide he doesn't want to see you after you broke your promise.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mrwibit
    Whilst I understand I have done something wrong I just feel its unfair that its pinned down all onto me when it was in fact him that made the mistake int he first place, and to punish me by not letting me see him when I don't get to often see him is just not fair.
    You feel its "unfair" that you divulged a secret that he trusted you with? Too bad. You broke a promise and your drunken state has no bearing on the fact that now he can't trust you. Time to take responsibility for your actions and apologise if you haven't already and if he doesn't accept your apology then learn to understand that there are always consequences to your actions that you're not always going to think are "fair" but you will have to suffer through regardless.

    Time to grow up and realize that: What he did has nothing to do with your mistake of blabbing out something he told you in confidence.

    I think that if anyone should reconsider the relationship it should be him which he currently appears to be doing.

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