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Thread: Boyfriend making me keep a secret and being mad because it got out

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    What did he do?

    He should have kept it to himself.

    People love to confess their sins to all the wrong people, everybody but the one they should have confided in - their counselor (or me.....I can keep a secret and love to hear the dirt!)

  2. #22
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    ... lolzzz...

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Ok 28 weeks of dating is a good time to see what he is like and so far it doesn't seem good. First he does something while drunk then he chases that by "punishing you" for being honest. This is not a character who will make you happy or be uplifting.

    Why? Because first of all he drinks too much, secondly he blames everyone and everything else for his actions. Take time away from him to reflect on why you would want anyone like this in your life. Let your common sense be your guide. Talk to some trusted adults about this.
    I agree with Wiseman. I lived with a verbal abusive (I'm not calling your man verbally abusive, I'm just using an example) man for years, and he would do terrible things and act like an a****** and blame me for things constantly, and whenever someone didn't like him, he'd blame me and say it was my fault people didn't like or approve of him. It was awful.

    Perhaps your guy is more upset that he did something bad and embarrassed that people found out that he's not a good guy? This says way more about him than it does about you. I would use this time to be on your own and figure out what YOU want.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by DaisyMayPorter
    Perhaps your guy is more upset that he did something bad and embarrassed that people found out that he's not a good guy? This says way more about him than it does about you. I would use this time to be on your own and figure out what YOU want.
    That's how I'm reading it, too.

    If it's so bad that others are upset with him (such as his family) do you perhaps need to reflect on why you tried to rug-sweep the "mistake"? Is it something that you would be wise not to overlook or downplay?

    I'm just taking a stab in the dark, and please correct me if I'm way off, but did he cheat on you while he was drunk? Is that what you were bottling up and finally let slip to someone else?

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    A while back my boyfriend made a bad decision whilst drunk and confessed to me that night whilst I was sleeping. I woke up the next morning worried sick if he was okay and it put me through so much stress and trauma. He was thankfully okay and whether the decision was right or not I moved on from it purely because he was safe.
    Why would she be so relieved that he was safe if he had cheated though? That doesn't make any sense.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Why would she be so relieved that he was safe if he had cheated though? That doesn't make any sense.
    I didn't mean that she would be relieved if it he had cheated, necessarily, but relieved because it wasn't something more tragic like being physically hurt or dead.

    Sometimes when we're imagining catastrophic scenarios, the "lesser" of two evils feels much easier to swallow in the moment.

    Purely speculation on my part.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Oh, thanks... I see now.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Everyone including you and your boyfriend don't have control over what was blurted out during an inebriated state.

    What's done is done and unfortunately, no words can be taken back which is universal.

    You weren't anymore wrong nor right than your boyfriend when he didn't have his inhibitions and blurted out his confession during his drunken state.

    Be prepared because not everyone will be humble, remorseful, apologetic nor forthcoming after transgressions. When a lot of people make mistakes, they either refuse to acknowledge wrongdoing or truly feel they were innocent. This is human nature.

    Respect his wishes and don't see him this weekend. Give each other space. Give him a few days after this weekend and then make arrangements to have an in person discussion next time both of you see each other. If he's reluctant to rekindle his relationship with you and continues to ignore and snub you, there is your answer.

    I hope you two can salvage your relationship and if it ends up with breakup, don't be surprised nor shocked.

    Just be careful in the future and know there are risks involved with drinking, lowered inhibitions, regrets, repercussions and harsh consequences to be dealt with later.

  10. #29
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    I believe that people choose to get drunk and choose the consequences. So there is control from the get go. I completely agree with Cherylyn on the risks involved with drinking. Everyone has their breaking point when it comes to forgiveness.

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