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Thread: Ugly

  1. #1

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    Ugly

    Hello Everyone, I just joined this site and I would like to say hello first before asking for any advice. I'm hoping that someone can relate how they might feel if what I'm going to say has happened to them, or if they have any advice for me? A little over a year ago I met a woman online and I gradually fell in love with her and she has said that she loves me also. It's been a long distance relationship with me in the States and her in another country and I did have plans on moving to her country in a short while. We've kept up our relationship on Skype, talking for hours on end every night. I had bought a plane ticket and visited her over the summer, it was my first visit over there. Tonight on Skype I had asked her if she found me attractive and on a scale of 1 to 10 she rated me a five. In the past she has had a guy that she spent four or five years with, and also had been married for 30 years. Out of curiosity I asked her what she would rate them as far as looks go, she gave the guy a seven and her former husband a nine. When I flew over there this summer I had rented a car at the airport and tonight I had asked her that since she only gave me a five rating if she was disappointed with my looks when I had gotten out of the car and tonight she says yes she was disappointed. It has devastated me to say the least. How could I be with her if she doesn't find me attractive plus the fact that she had given me a mediocre rating? I had no idea that she didn't really find me attractive and the only time she had seen me before my trip over there was from the shoulders up. I'm in good shape physically or so I've been told, but now it seems as if my world has fallen apart. I suffer from depression and the news tonight has made my depression even worse. Can anyone tell me what they would think and feel if they were me in this same situation or any advice on what to do? With the depression clouding my thoughts and judgement right now I can't even think straight. I honestly do need some insight and thank you for any that you can give me.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I would cut it off with her since she places importance on aesthetics. You deserve a woman who will appreciate your character and soul.

    Don't waste your time on this woman. You deserve better, scorpio012.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I've never been in that situation because I chose the far easier and inexpensive way to date, locally, within 45 minutes driving distance. So glad I never spent over a thousand dollars for an OLD get together for a person just to tell me I was only a 5.

    My advice? Cut off contact with someone who doesn't find you attractive. More advice? Don't ask a question you don't want to hear an answer to. When you're dating in the future, your answer will be seen in their eyes, their attraction for you, or not, and their loving gestures, or not, and their accepting more dates, (that is if you haven't given them money and expensive gifts and they want to be in your company for that reason), or not. My other advice is to date locally, because it takes dating a boatload of people to find a true match. At the rate you're going in long distance, you'll be 90 by the time you find "the one." You already wasted an entire year on a fantasy. When you finally met, reality reared its very real head. With local dating, you would've done a hard pass on a woman like this within 2 weeks.

    If you're not getting treatment for depression, do so. You can't be a good partner to anyone unless you're mentally whole yourself, and you will choose toxic people if you don't feel worthy.

    This was an experience to learn from, so now you can move forward with a better plan. Good luck.

  4. #4
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    How cruel and insensitive. I am sorry that someone could be so thoughtless.

    Why are you dating someone in another country? How can you have a relationship with someone you see once a year? LDRs do not work, and how would you get to know someone properly- as you currently see.

    My ex was not physically attractive, but I was highly attracted to him because he was a lot of fun. Looks fade with time, but personality and character do not. This is what makes someone desirable and sexy.

    What are you doing for your mental health?

    Move on from this woman.

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  6. #5
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    Did you ask for a score or was that how she answered your question? She didn't consider your feelings and was downright offensive. If she doesn't find you attractive then what is she getting out of a LDR? Just friendship? Or is she looking for money or a visa?

    Locally to you there will be women who'd rate YOU as a 7 or 9. There will also be women who wouldn't ever consider putting a number on a partner's attractiveness, so tell her you deserve someone better and make it happen.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Between the distance and her attitude this doesn't seem worth your time and energy to invest in. It sounds like she in involved locally and may be a bit of a scammer. Delete and block her and instead invest your time in dating local decent women.
    Originally Posted by scorpio012
    When I flew over there this summer I had rented a car at the airport and tonight I had asked her that since she only gave me a five rating if she was disappointed with my looks when I had gotten out of the car and tonight she says yes she was disappointed.

  8. #7
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    My thoughts are, why would you ask such a childish question, and why would she answer such a question? Sorry, but you're both wrong, (imo).

    I'd move on and take the lesson with me.

  9. #8

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    Cherylyn, Thank you for taking the time to read and answer my post. As difficult as it is for me to realize, I believe you're right in the advice you've given me. Thank you so much for your message that I deserve better. Thanks again

  10. #9

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    Andrina, I want to thank you for your advice and as I replied to Cherylyn, despite the pain of knowing how this woman views me it will be a hard goodbye. You're absolutely right about not asking a question that you don't want to know the answer to, but I never realized that she could be so shallow. In the past I've never continued a relationship based purely on looks alone there always had to be a lot more. The reason for the LDR is because I live in a very rural area and unless you were born in this area you're considered an outsider and most people here don't give you a second look. Reading your post I can tell that you're wise beyond your years and I only wish now that I would have been as wise. Thnks again

  11. #10

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    Hello HeartGoesOn, Thinking back to last night's conversation with her and what I found out, I can see now that it was a childish question, but it had come up in an innocent way and it wasn't a question just asked out of the blue not that it makes it any less childish. Thanks again

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