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Thread: Have you ever

  1. #1
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Have you ever

    Have you ever been attracted to someone and then something happens and you're just not anymore?

    It's seriously the worst. Most recently happened to me with smoking.... I think I'm going to stop seeing an otherwise great guy, due to his smoking habit. I thought he only had an occasional smoke, maybe as many as a couple a day.

    But the last time we got together, he smelled so bad. I asked, did you just have a ciggie? And he said "no. maybe it's my hat. it was in my car"

    which I didn't really understand but I didn't know how to handle... I really thought 1. he stinks so bad I have to get away from him. 2. does he think I'm an idiot? he can just lie and I don't know he obviously smoked a lot in a closed in room or something....

    it was such a turn off. he asked me why I seemed sad. I didn't have the heart to say "you freaking stink so bad!"

    I think it was pretty obvious the chemistry was off.. After the date he let me know he got home but we haven't talked since (today is day 2)

    I'm pretty bummed as I did like him and thought we were starting something nice. but I read this forum enough to know, can't change a person... and don't accept in the beginning what you can't live with later.... ugh

    how about you guys? anyone relate?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I have met plenty of real good looking guys, but as soon as they opened their mouth to talk, they became the most unattractive man I have ever met. Those my dear are called deal breakers. And for you it's a guy that can't spend the time de-smoke himself before meeting you...that's frickin lazy and uncaring. I had guys that would shampoo their car, wash, bathe, cologne, mouthwash, themselves, buy new clothes, to make a good impression. That's the kind of guy you should be investing in.....a guy that gives a crap.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Of course! Think moments like this are more the rule than the exception, all things considered. Cigarette smoke is an easy culprit—generally really unattractive to non-smokers—but it could just as easily be replaced by an off-color joke that kills the buzz, or some gesture or another that sinks the fragile ship.

    Example: I was seeing a woman for a few weeks a while back. She was cool, striking, we had great chemistry across the boards. I was excited! Then one day she asked to FaceTime me when she was in a different time zone. I was working, explained that, adding that I'm really not a fan of FaceTime, at all. In response—wanting to be cute, perhaps?—she explained that she'd had a glass of wine and was going to FaceTime me anyway. I didn't pick up. Text came in reading: "FaceTime Meeeeeeeeeee!" Followed by another call.

    And, with that, my magnet was demagnetized. She was cool, smart, we had ferocious conversations and communicated quite well wordlessly. But alas: I don't like FaceTime, I don't like pushy people who think pushiness is cute. Ended it a day or two later. Was genuinely bummed, but a killed buzz is a killed buzz. Whatever I glimpsed there wasn't going anywhere, just like whatever you smelled the other day isn't vanishing anytime soon, if ever.

    Funny epilogue: Maybe three weeks into dating my girlfriend of the past year I accidentally FaceTime'd her like 5 times in a row. I was on my motorcycle, phone in pocket, so it was a "thigh dial." Got home to a text from her asking if everything was okay. I explained what happened, adding that, wherever this goes, she could be assured that she will never get a FaceTime call. "Phew," she wrote. "I hate FaceTime." Gotta be honest about what's not working to make room for what does.

    Maybe smoking, even casually, is a 100 percent deal breaker for you. Or maybe it's just this guy. Regardless, is what it is: never fun, always somewhat confounding, but a pretty universal turn of events in the experiment of early dating.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Yeah, the cigarettes smell nasty........I can't blame you for being turned off.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Cigarettes are a definite deal breaker. Ugh...the smell is pretty bad.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    A deal breaker for me too.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    I have met plenty of real good looking guys, but as soon as they opened their mouth to talk, they became the most unattractive man I have ever met. Those my dear are called deal breakers. And for you it's a guy that can't spend the time de-smoke himself before meeting you...that's frickin lazy and uncaring. I had guys that would shampoo their car, wash, bathe, cologne, mouthwash, themselves, buy new clothes, to make a good impression. That's the kind of guy you should be investing in.....a guy that gives a crap.
    Thanks smackie... you make great point about the effort. I think that is really the point... how about some effort to be attractive at a barebones level: clean! lol

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Of course! Think moments like this are more the rule than the exception, all things considered. Cigarette smoke is an easy culprit—generally really unattractive to non-smokers—but it could just as easily be replaced by an off-color joke that kills the buzz, or some gesture or another that sinks the fragile ship.

    Example: I was seeing a woman for a few weeks a while back. She was cool, striking, we had great chemistry across the boards. I was excited! Then one day she asked to FaceTime me when she was in a different time zone. I was working, explained that, adding that I'm really not a fan of FaceTime, at all. In response—wanting to be cute, perhaps?—she explained that she'd had a glass of wine and was going to FaceTime me anyway. I didn't pick up. Text came in reading: "FaceTime Meeeeeeeeeee!" Followed by another call.

    And, with that, my magnet was demagnetized. She was cool, smart, we had ferocious conversations and communicated quite well wordlessly. But alas: I don't like FaceTime, I don't like pushy people who think pushiness is cute. Ended it a day or two later. Was genuinely bummed, but a killed buzz is a killed buzz. Whatever I glimpsed there wasn't going anywhere, just like whatever you smelled the other day isn't vanishing anytime soon, if ever.

    Funny epilogue: Maybe three weeks into dating my girlfriend of the past year I accidentally FaceTime'd her like 5 times in a row. I was on my motorcycle, phone in pocket, so it was a "thigh dial." Got home to a text from her asking if everything was okay. I explained what happened, adding that, wherever this goes, she could be assured that she will never get a FaceTime call. "Phew," she wrote. "I hate FaceTime." Gotta be honest about what's not working to make room for what does.

    Maybe smoking, even casually, is a 100 percent deal breaker for you. Or maybe it's just this guy. Regardless, is what it is: never fun, always somewhat confounding, but a pretty universal turn of events in the experiment of early dating.
    Thanks bluecastle.... I hate face time, too! And I'm with you, I don't like over aggressive masquerading as cutesy, spoiled, "give me my way"

    And you're exactly right, once the cat is out of bag or the buzz is killed, there's no going back.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Yeah, the cigarettes smell nasty........I can't blame you for being turned off.
    I know! i have a couple friends that smoke but they don't stink. they go out of their way to wash hands, rinse mouth, smoke outside, or whatever they do. haha.

    who wants to snuggle up to stale old cigarette smell? not me. I was worried he was making my clothes stink. I wouldn't even sit close to him.

    Guess I just assumed regular hygiene from the other dates! lol

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Cigarettes are a definite deal breaker. Ugh...the smell is pretty bad.
    thing is, i dint think it has to be but, o well. for any smokers reading this, we know you can't really smell it and don't think it's so bad.... but it is. it really is.

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