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Thread: Worried about BFís mental health

  1. #1

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    Worried about BFís mental health

    This is a bit of an urgent request for advice. My BF and I (we donít live together) fought last night over text and I was quite harsh to him. Last night I apologized to him, but he hasnít read or responded (he keeps his read receipts on; both of us use Apple). His last few responses were mildly concerning and I started picking up on cues that he was in a bad mental space. This afternoon we had a date planned, so Iíve been texting him and calling him but he wonít pick up. He has a history of poor mental health and Iím really worried I went too far and heís done something dangerous. So I want to reach out to his friends and see if theyíve had any contact with him since last night. However, he can also be petty and might just be ignoring me; in that case Iím worried that contacting his friends would anger and embarrass him. So my question is am I overreacting? Perhaps did he just fall asleep and is oversleeping now? Or should I reach out to his friends, or drive to his place and check up on him uninvited?

    TLDR: Iím worried my boyfriend, who has a history of poor mental health, did something harmful last night after we fought. Should I reach out to his friends, wait for a response, etc?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Don't involve his friends.

    He is your boyfriend, so why not just stop over and see if he's okay.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    What was the fight over? How exactly were you "quite harsh" to him? Are you in the Americas spamming him despite the fact it's very much still morning? What was the harmful thing he did last time?

    Honestly, if you know you were ****ty to him, then leave him be. My guess is that if you were so convinced he'd seriously harm himself, you wouldn't be here asking. Unless the whole day went by not hearing from him, I wouldn't involve others.

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Then you go see him and apologize in person.

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  6. #5
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    But if someone is harsh with me ignore them too.

  7. #6
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    Why would you involve his friends! Go over there.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    TLDR: Iím worried my boyfriend, who has a history of poor mental health, did something harmful last night after we fought. Should I reach out to his friends, wait for a response, etc?
    Is this a long distance relationship? Why is it you can't just go to his home and see how he is instead coming here for 'permission' to involve his friends in this?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Did he tell you he planned to self-harm? If so then go and check on him... text him first to let him know you are worried about his mental health... and if he doesn't answer, tell him you are calling the police to do a wellness check.

    I suspect the reality is that he is just ignoring you though.

  10. #9
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    What did you say to him, and what were these "mildly concerning" messages he sent you?

    If you are very concerned, drive over to his place to check on him. Do not bring his friends into it.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Ah the joys of being in a toxic relationship.....

    You had a fight, now he is giving you the silent treatment and now you are panicking. Do you still have a date? Do you still have a bf? Is he just not talking to you for now or something more? Should I call his friends to get reassurance? Aaah the anxiety, the emotional roller coaster ride...and the relief and joy when he finally deigns to stop punishing you for the fight and finally decides to respond to your pleas to talk.

    Here is an idea - dump him. Block, delete - make this silence permanent and in the future pick healthier, better partners. In short, raise your standards. Of course that mean you need to work on yourself and fix your own conflict skills. Healthy guys won't tolerate harsh fights either, except that they'll dump you openly and directly. You won't have to guess why.

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