cherryblssm Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 This is a bit of an urgent request for advice. My BF and I (we don’t live together) fought last night over text and I was quite harsh to him. Last night I apologized to him, but he hasn’t read or responded (he keeps his read receipts on; both of us use Apple). His last few responses were mildly concerning and I started picking up on cues that he was in a bad mental space. This afternoon we had a date planned, so I’ve been texting him and calling him but he won’t pick up. He has a history of poor mental health and I’m really worried I went too far and he’s done something dangerous. So I want to reach out to his friends and see if they’ve had any contact with him since last night. However, he can also be petty and might just be ignoring me; in that case I’m worried that contacting his friends would anger and embarrass him. So my question is am I overreacting? Perhaps did he just fall asleep and is oversleeping now? Or should I reach out to his friends, or drive to his place and check up on him uninvited? TLDR: I’m worried my boyfriend, who has a history of poor mental health, did something harmful last night after we fought. Should I reach out to his friends, wait for a response, etc? Link to comment
SherrySher Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Don't involve his friends. He is your boyfriend, so why not just stop over and see if he's okay. Link to comment
j.man Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 What was the fight over? How exactly were you "quite harsh" to him? Are you in the Americas spamming him despite the fact it's very much still morning? What was the harmful thing he did last time? Honestly, if you know you were ****ty to him, then leave him be. My guess is that if you were so convinced he'd seriously harm himself, you wouldn't be here asking. Unless the whole day went by not hearing from him, I wouldn't involve others. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Then you go see him and apologize in person. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 But if someone is harsh with me ignore them too. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Why would you involve his friends! Go over there. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 TLDR: I’m worried my boyfriend, who has a history of poor mental health, did something harmful last night after we fought. Should I reach out to his friends, wait for a response, etc? Is this a long distance relationship? Why is it you can't just go to his home and see how he is instead coming here for 'permission' to involve his friends in this? Link to comment
maew Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Did he tell you he planned to self-harm? If so then go and check on him... text him first to let him know you are worried about his mental health... and if he doesn't answer, tell him you are calling the police to do a wellness check. I suspect the reality is that he is just ignoring you though. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 What did you say to him, and what were these "mildly concerning" messages he sent you? If you are very concerned, drive over to his place to check on him. Do not bring his friends into it. Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Ah the joys of being in a toxic relationship..... You had a fight, now he is giving you the silent treatment and now you are panicking. Do you still have a date? Do you still have a bf? Is he just not talking to you for now or something more? Should I call his friends to get reassurance? Aaah the anxiety, the emotional roller coaster ride...and the relief and joy when he finally deigns to stop punishing you for the fight and finally decides to respond to your pleas to talk. Here is an idea - dump him. Block, delete - make this silence permanent and in the future pick healthier, better partners. In short, raise your standards. Of course that mean you need to work on yourself and fix your own conflict skills. Healthy guys won't tolerate harsh fights either, except that they'll dump you openly and directly. You won't have to guess why. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 If he is this fragile he is not ready to date, no less be in a relationship. Do not mother or play doctor/therapist to someone you are dating. He needs a professional to help him. I started picking up on cues that he was in a bad mental space. He has a history of poor mental health I’m worried my boyfriend, who has a history of poor mental health, did something harmful last night after we fought. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Give us some more info on his past behavior, and also tell us what you said. What are the "mental health issues?" Link to comment
Cherylyn Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 Wait to get together with him and have a thorough discussion with him. Let him know how you feel and what your concerns are. Apologize if you feel you were in the wrong. Be careful with having relationships with mentally unstable people because they're high maintenance and moody. They can grow hot and cold easily and quickly. They're unpredictable but predictable at the same time. You ought to consider being with a BF who doesn't have poor mental health for your own sanity's sake. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 I'm still wondering why she just didn't go to his home and find out if he's okay or just angry. If he's just angry then his silent treatment is a red flag. Link to comment
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