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Thread: My mom and my girlfriend dislike each other - and it hurts me so much

  1. #21
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Your girlfriend is the problem.

    She is too demanding, too self centered and refuses to try to understand anyone else's feelings but her own.

    I'm not surprised you're having more fights. I would think there are a lot more to come if you remain with her.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Zugaard
    Yeah, it can be hard to explain things to her logically, and make her see the bigger picture. I have quite a task in front of me... But it's a responsibility I must take...
    Well, I think before you give up and just concede that she is not compatible that you do your part in making her see that, at this point, she could possibly try to be a bit more outgoing and engaging with your mom and if after trying, she still feels unwelcome and you see that your mother has been trying to make her feel comfortable and your g/f still feels she won't be going with you to visit your mom.. then would be the time to contemplate if you are with the right person and make a decision. Right now, I agree that you have a task on your hands to at least try to make her see the bigger picture. Afterall, I think we all should at least have the opportunity to remedy.

  3. #23

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    Hi guys, just an update:

    I have talked to my mom again, after having a change of heart about the whole situation. I have made it clear to her, that I wasn't quite seeing the bigger picture at first, and I also apologized for the first conversation I had with her. I am not saying this in a way of me having changed sides, more as me seeing the bigger picture. As a reference to the title of this thread. It's not true that they dislike each other. My mom doesn't dislike my girlfriend. She is only feeling awkward about her silence behavior... I am in good terms with my mom now.

    About my girlfriend, we are in good terms and have been for a long time now. But I haven't brought up the talk with her about my mom since. Eventually I might have to, and we will see what happens. But all in all, the situation is a lot better now.

    I will update this thread...

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Okay Zuggaard..remember this update.

    I am glad you're on good terms with your mom, she sounds like a nice lady. But you don't feel comfortable talking to the girlfriend about the situation and aren't sure how things will go despite your mother telling you that she does not dislike the girlfriend, just doesn't know how to deal with the silence...which to be honest is fair. I don't think many would know how to deal with silence.

    Bottom line is, your mom's not the problem in my opinion. She is trying. She's been honest with you. And she's willing to continue trying.You and she get along.
    So if things go badly once more, then I think you need to look and see that it's your girlfriend who is poisoning the waters here.
    I know you think you're in love and do not want to hear it. But I think many posters have pointed it out to you.
    I hope your girlfriend behaves herself and can be more adult next time around and much more courteous to your mother since your mother is the elder and your girlfriend needs to respect that.

    Thank you for updating. I hope for your sake that things continue to improve.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent. The best approach is to build bridges not walls. Good job.
    Originally Posted by Zugaard
    I have made it clear to her, that I wasn't quite seeing the bigger picture at first, and I also apologized for the first conversation I had with her.
    About my girlfriend, we are in good terms and have been for a long time now. But all in all, the situation is a lot better now.

  7. #26
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    It's not like my mom doesn't approach my girlfriend, but she doesn't approach her as much as the other people in my family do.

    what do you mean by "approach". I hate hugs except from my guy and the nieces and nephews who are all under the age of 6. otherwise, if you are not on that list, don't "approach me". just talk to me.

    your gf is a guest in your mother's home and should act graciously, not offput

  8. #27
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I mean I get where your GF is coming from... I am an introvert and super shy and awkward around new people, especially SO's family. I couldn't imagine how I might feel in a totally other country (although I will get that experience this summer as we are going to visit my SO's mom and sister in Europe)

    In large groups I am on the quieter side. Many people over the years have judged me and claim I am "intimidating" or "unapproachable" while many others have seen past my quiet demeanor and approached me anyway.

    It would seem you have a mix of family that is very extroverted and able to see past her quiet exterior, and someone like your mom who might be a little more introverted and find it awkward to be the one initiating conversation with her all the time.

    I am of the mind that it is up to your GF to make an effort with your mom. It sounds like your mom did make the effort but doesn't really know how to handle someone so shy and introverted. Your GF could step up her game by setting her body language to be more approachable and perhaps striking up conversation about things your mom likes... does she collect things? Does she like certain activities? Does she have pets?

    They may never be best buddies but over time hopefully the relationship will develop into one that is at least cordial.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Zugaard
    Hi guys, just an update:

    I have talked to my mom again, after having a change of heart about the whole situation. I have made it clear to her, that I wasn't quite seeing the bigger picture at first, and I also apologized for the first conversation I had with her. I am not saying this in a way of me having changed sides, more as me seeing the bigger picture. As a reference to the title of this thread. It's not true that they dislike each other. My mom doesn't dislike my girlfriend. She is only feeling awkward about her silence behavior... I am in good terms with my mom now.

    About my girlfriend, we are in good terms and have been for a long time now. But I haven't brought up the talk with her about my mom since. Eventually I might have to, and we will see what happens. But all in all, the situation is a lot better now.

    I will update this thread...
    Well, then nothing has changed really except that you have cleared the air between you and your mother. Let us know what your g/f says next time you want to visit mom and she doesn't want to go... THAT will be an update.

    It was a given that you and your mother would clear the air... you are blood after all and your mother surely would not want to be on bad terms with you... your g/f on the other hand is where you need to "clear the air."

    Good luck.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I met my nephew's girlfriend recently and I like her because she smiled, made eye contact and participated in the conversation. She didn't butt in or talk over people but she offered commentary and answered questions politely and willingly. (No, I did not interrogate her!) She interacted well with my nephew (didn't talk down to him or correct him) and she was engaging with other people who were present. She did not sit silently and expect the people in the room to cater to her or entertain her.

    Sitting silently refusing to participate in conversations is impolite.

    You can tell her your mother does in fact like her and would like the opportunity to get to know her better. See how she reacts.

    BTW, if you're afraid to bring it up that's a whole other set of issues. You shouldn't be fearful of talking to your girlfriend.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You shouldn't be fearful of talking to your girlfriend.
    That's the vibe I picked up on, and it's not a good thing.

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