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Thread: Somebody tell me this is just a nightmare, please!

  1. #1

    Somebody tell me this is just a nightmare, please!

    Here's a little background. My husband was molested as a child for several years by a male pastor at his church. He's always been very masculine and he's never been much of a cheater because he's so badly addicted to porn and has been since he was 10. Out of nowhere he starts spending time with a friend of ours boyfriend whom he really doesn't know at all. They go shopping, apartment hunting, they've met in odd places during evening hours to "talk" but really have no business at all with eachother. Well yesterday he showed me a pic that this guy took of him in our bedroom wearing new clothes and shoes and something about that pic was screaming at me. My husband is 46 but when I saw this picture I saw an abused child being showered with gifts as a grooming tool for "molestation ". It's difficult to explain, he looked embarrassed yet excited but a little shy and uncomfortable. I'm afraid my husband is having an affair with this guy because he has a lot of money and he'd probably do this if he felt it could be beneficial to our family. I'm so worried and I need advice please. Should I just leave? Also without reason this guy acts like he hates my guts and is threatened by me and I always felt that his hostility for me was very odd since both he and my husband are in heterosexual relationships. Now in my mind it could all make sense.
    I'm freaking out, please help.

    Maria

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Before you discuss this with your husband, get to a doctor for std testing. See a therapist privately and confidentially and discuss your concerns. It's possible your husband is on the down low but get yourself properly informed and prepared with a therapist before you enter that conversation.
    Originally Posted by MariaMorgan
    I'm afraid my husband is having an affair with this guy. both he and my husband are in heterosexual relationships.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Good advice from Wiseman2. How on earth could your husband doing something sexual with that guy be of benefit to your family? You lost me there.

    Why did your husband show you the photo? It does sound like he is having some sort of affair with that guy.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I agree with others. It's time to seek professional therapy and / or a psychologist immediately.

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    Originally Posted by MariaMorgan
    He's always been very masculine and he's never been much of a cheater because he's so badly addicted to porn and has been since he was 10.
    This is an odd comment. Has he in fact cheated before?

    How is his porn addiction these days, and in which ways has it affected your marriage? Has he ever had any counselling for the abuse he suffered as a child?

    Whether or not he is having an affair with this man is anyone's guess; you don't really have any solid evidence of that, beyond being suspicious of their new friendship. Perhaps your gut is trying to tell you something, or perhaps you're reading too much into this because of pre-existing problems in your marriage.

    So with that mind, I will ask you: how's the state of your marriage been recently? How long have you been married?

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Somebody tell me this is just a nightmare, please!
    Okay, will do. This is just a nightmare!

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    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Okay, will do. This is just a nightmare!
    Actually sounds like a nightmare troll might have gotten into this marriage.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    If that's the case it's a mental issue. I'd talk to a counselor about this.


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