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Thread: Woman's texting behaviour worrying me; should I bring this up?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jan 2020

    Woman's texting behaviour worrying me; should I bring this up?

    There's this woman I've gone out a few times with, although there's nothing official between us as we now live far away from each other. We've had several phone/video calls and texted back and forth, and I've definitely received many positive signs from her, especially whenever we met in person. And I think I've made my feeling clear to her, through all my actions, although I haven't said it to her yet. I'm 90% sure she's interested in me too, although the distance makes it complicated.

    However, one thing that has been bothering me is her texting habit, which she has admitted in the past. There would be times when she would suddenly stopped replying or taking days to reply back. It's always significantly better when we're in the same city.

    This is making me confused and sad. Should I speak with her about this and how should I put it?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Jul 2016
    I hate to mention this, but most long distance relationships don't work. If you two were closer and could actually see each other regularly, the texting might not be an issue.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
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    Aug 2016
    Are you two actually dating?

    She sounds lukewarm, at best. You say you're 90% sure she's interested but I think the fact that you sometimes don't get a response for days says otherwise.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    How did you meet? How often can you get together in person? Texting habits are difficult to decipher and especially if you have to rely on them because it's long distance. She may be dating local people (as you should as well), since long distance is too difficult and you are not exclusive.

    No you can't tell people how to text. That is text-tethering and could be construed as controlling. At this stage observe the difficulties and incompatibilities and consider dating local women with the same communication style.
    Originally Posted by abc12388
    we now live far away from each other. although the distance makes it complicated.
    There would be times when she would suddenly stopped replying or taking days to reply back.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    May 2016
    Well, you can't force someone to feel the same way you do and by her actions, I would say she's not as into this as you.

    Out of sight, out of mind.

    It's too early on to say anything. It will sound like you're pressuring her and to be honest, if there is a distance, i'm not sure it would be a good idea to date seriously anyhow.
    But for the time being, you can't force. Just let it be. She will either show more interest, or she won't.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
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    Dec 2007
    I am curious as to why you would start something with someone who is not local?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Mar 2019
    Not everyone has texting etiquette and for that matter, same with all electronic written correspondence. The problem is lack of "promptness" according to the other party's expectations AND inevitably something will always get lost in translation due to lack of in-person dialogue such as actually being with a person or at least having a phone conversation.

    Messages via text or email can be misconstrued due to bluntness or impulsive behaviors and then the send button is hit. Whenever relationships aren't careful and smooth, people's feelings get hurt, offended or both. It's bound to happen sooner or later.

    I've also found that excessive, relentless back 'n forth electronic correspondence can often backfire. One feels as if their cell phone becomes a ball 'n chain and the other person is perceived as a burden. People should give themselves time and space and give others the same courtesy. There is such a thing as abusing cell phones or PCs. Abuse meaning immediate response expectations and never giving each other a break regarding communication.

    I agree with others. LDRs (long distance relationships) have a high failure rate for obvious reasons. Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder. To the contrary, too much absence causes two people to drift apart quickly.

    Speaking to her regarding her texting habits would be an effort in futility. You can't change people. Also, keep in mind the harsh reality check that LDRs will fizzle quickly.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    How many days does she go without replying to you? If it's early stages of dating then I don't think it's necessary to text all the time. I think maybe every couple of days is fine. But if she doesn't reply for many days in a row then I think that's not a good sign. Someone that's interested in you would be replying. The thing is, do you actually have a plan of how to continue the relationship? Like, will one of you move to where the other person is? How often are you able to see each other? If you can't see each other in person then I think it's bound to fizzle out anyway.

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