Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: Self-Image

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    2

    Self-Image

    Hello, hyperspace void. I can't turn to any family or friends, so I hope you don't mind if I cry into you for a moment.
    I am fat. That's no secret, though my family and friends act like that's a dirty word and deny it when I say it. But it's the truth. My whole relatively short life, I have been somewhere on the overweight scale, from cute baby-fat to chubby preteen to struggling teen to obese young adult, according to BMI charts. Since I was little, I've hated my body. Ive dieted off and on for the past eight years. I lost thirty pounds at my best point, got down to an almost acceptable weight to myself, and then slipped up -- as one usually does. I've gone up and down more than a six flags rollercoaster. But overall, the weight has won. I'm a size 16-18, which is on the fringes of plus size, and if you're my size/bigger than me, I'm not criticizing you. Everyone has their own lifestyle, their own choices, their own circumstances. But I am an unhealthy 16-18, because I eat worse than ever and exercise even less. At least when I used to think I was fat, I had good habits with it.
    The thing is, I'm not very happy. I want to be, so, so badly. But I am shy, and I'm anxious, and mostly, I'm depressed. I'm reaching goals I thought would make me happy, but they haven't yet. And they fill me with anxiety because I'm out of my comfort zone. Not to mention, my best friend has moved a 1000 miles away, and someone close to me just passed away after some very traumatic weeks. So life has been quite a challenge lately.
    I'm just so sick of dieting. 98% of them fail. But I can't go on like this either. I've tried just trying to set healthy eating goals and exercising, not for weight, but for health. That always fails as well.
    I just hate myself and feel so lost.
    I try to find love for myself through focusing on my good qualities, and looking at plus size influencers and body positivity. But these women are not me. That 3x woman with an adorable 2 piece swimsuit looks great and so happy, but she's not me. Recognizing other people are great doesn't me I am.
    Sorry for the rambling. I'm just reaching for something I can't seem to attain, and I guess I'm hoping that someone out there can possibly shed some light in my dark alleyway.
    Please.
    And thank you 😌

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,383
    I'm so sorry you're hurting. I've heard great things about weight watchers as a way to help you transition to a healthier lifestyle.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,984
    Would you be willing to see a psychologist and nutritionist? I agree with Batya33 regarding weight watchers, too.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,540
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this . You need to make an appt with a doctor MD for a thorough evaluation and a therapist for ongoing support. Self-loathing is not helping you. You also need to enlist the help of a dietitian and physical trainer to get on a healthy eating and activity program and have more ongoing support. Also join some groups and clubs, take some classes and courses and volunteer. Get a side job stay busy. Stop obsessing about clothes sizes and stop asking people of you look fat. Get off social media and stop watching influencers. They are not doctors and they are not depressed and hopeless.
    Originally Posted by Used2it
    I'm anxious, and mostly, I'm depressed. I just hate myself and feel so lost. looking at plus size influencers and body positivity. I'm hoping that someone out there can possibly shed some light in my dark alleyway.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,735
    Gender
    Female
    Are you in school? If so, your tuition covers mental health counseling on campus, and since you've already paid for that, I'd use it.

    Depression doesn't just make it doubly hard to lose weight, it makes it doubly hard to live, period. So I'd address that first, because it's treatable.

    I'd also change the premise of my self talk away from, "I hate myself unless I can get down to a size 14..." to "I love myself enough to make size 14 a goal." Then every time you're tempted to eat in unhealthy ways, you can say, "I love myself enough to eat healthy instead." And every time you overindulge, as most people do, you can say, "That was fun, but I love myself enough to get back on track." And about exercise, replace "I hate this but I must do it," with, "I love myself enough to move my body and feel good about that."

    The self talk we run in our own head can make or break our goals, but the language we use and the way we speak to ourselves is the first and foremost thing over which we DO own control. So start there, and switch the harsh and judgmental voice to one of an inspiring coach.

    Be on your own side.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    30
    Iím someone whoís never struggled with weight. If anything, Iíd like a little more. My goal is to add weight and while that is the opposite of yours it requires dedication.

    What Iíve found is, donít punish yourself when you slip up. Just get back on and continue.

    Weight loss is simply calorie deficit. Added with workout youíre guaranteed weight loss. You donít need fat club or weight watchers. Itís no required to loose weigh but I think that a sense of community and thatís always a good thing. Maybe find a friend with the same goal? PUSH EACH OTHER

    On the flip side, you could learn to be happy with who you are. Everyone has demons. If yours are destroying youíre confidence then you must take action. Change requires consistency over time.

    Best of luck. Stay beautiful

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,383
    Originally Posted by lonewolf1991
    Iím someone whoís never struggled with weight. If anything, Iíd like a little more. My goal is to add weight and while that is the opposite of yours it requires dedication.

    What Iíve found is, donít punish yourself when you slip up. Just get back on and continue.

    Weight loss is simply calorie deficit. Added with workout youíre guaranteed weight loss. You donít need fat club or weight watchers. Itís no required to loose weigh but I think that a sense of community and thatís always a good thing. Maybe find a friend with the same goal? PUSH EACH OTHER

    On the flip side, you could learn to be happy with who you are. Everyone has demons. If yours are destroying youíre confidence then you must take action. Change requires consistency over time.

    Best of luck. Stay beautiful
    Well no it's not that easy for everyone and there are medical conditions that prohibit weight loss in the calorie reduction/exercise more common sense approach. What's a "fat club??" Of course it's not "required" to lose weight just like gyms or fitness classes are not "required" for exercise -they are simply tools that help certain people reach their goals easier and faster.

    And it's well known that the "guaranteed weight loss" happens faster for men than women. For example. I love your general helpful intentions and disagree with much of the specific advice. Finding a friend is good advice for certain people of course!

  9. 01-20-2020, 02:44 PM


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •