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Thread: Should I just move on?

  1. #1

    Should I just move on?

    I'm going to try to make this as short as I can. My ex and I were together for 8 months. Everything was perfect, we never argued, we spent everyday together, my family loved him, his family loved me..everything was just perfect. We moved in together 3 months into dating. Everything continued to be perfect. A few months later someone close to his like a grandfather passed away. He's never gone through a loss like this before. He was having a really rough time. That's when he became distant. He realized he wasn't happy with where he is in his life (money issues, family issues, not sure about his job) and during that time he went to his ex's house to apologize how he was to her. He said he just wanted closure and he doesn't want to ever go down that road with her again. About a week later he broke up with me saying he needed time to focus on himself and if he can't give me 100% of him we shouldn't be in a relationship. That's was really rough since we were living together. He then decided to break the lease (he paid a few grand) and he went to move into his Dads house so he could focus on saving money and getting his life in order. We still lived together for the next month and couldn't resist one another so we got back together. Everything went back to being great as it was originally. He helped me get my own place and I got settled in there. We spent Christmas together with our families, everything was perfect. He started going to the casino and playing poker trying to earn some money. In the process he lost a couple grand.
    On new years eve he came over and I thought we were just going to have a nice night together. He told me he was just not happy. I asked what I could do to help he said nothing he has to help himself. He has to focus on himself and get his together. I get it. He left. I text him and he responded a couple times then just started to ignore me completely. I got upset and said you can just come get your things so we can be done completely. I continued to ask why he was doing this and why cant we still talk and whats the truth? Did he get back with his ex. etc... His next text was I just want to be done with the. The truth is I don't want a future with you. Ive been doing a lot of thinking and I wasn't happy. Nothing you did I just wasn't happy. I'm getting my together piece by piece and I don't want to lead you on in anyway."
    Later that day we exchanged stuff. Not many words were said he seemed pretty down. I said "well, have a good life" and I walked away.
    I haven't text him or contacted him in any way since and the same goes for him.
    Should I just move on? I really feel he is the one. We talked about a future. A house, kids..he realized he's not close to being able to support a family. Our relationship was perfect I just don't know what to do. Its been about a week since I last spoke to him. What would you suggest I do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Ontario Canada
    Yes you should move on. He's made it pretty clear he doesnt want to be in a relationship with you for whatever reason. Your relationship was not perfect or you would not be where you are at the moment. Block and delete him.

  3. #3
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Florida Panhandle
    He doesn't sound like 'the one' to me. He doesn't have his life together, and until he does, he won't be of use to anyone in a relationship.

    He was gambling to make money??? Really?? In any event, he doesn't want to be with you.

    Yes, you should move on.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    With due respect, you need to re-read your post. Things were far from perfect. I know it hurts to face the truth, but you're doing yourself a grave disservice by attempting to convince yourself this was a perfect and great relationship. There were several significant problems:

    1) You two moved in together far too quickly. 3 months is barely even relationship territory. You were still getting to know each other as a couple when you decided to live together. That often spells trouble, because you really don't know the other person and don't know what exactly you're signing up for.

    2) He went to see his ex for "closure." That is someone who is either lying about why he really went to see her, or who is not over her. Or some combination of both. He should have been long over her with no need to seek closure or apologize by the time he started a relationship with you.

    3) He subsequently broke up with you.

    4) There are signs of a gambling problem.

    5) He broke up with you again.

    I don't know what your dating history is like, but if you think the above has any place in a "perfect" relationship (especially such a short-lived one) and that the man described in the above is "the one", I genuinely feel sad for you. It suggests your standards are too low and you don't have a healthy concept of love.

    In short? Forget this guy. There is no future with a dude like him, and a third attempt to make things work is very likely to end the same way the previous two attempts did - in a split. He isn't interested in the way you are, and not invested in the future you two fantasized about. It stings, I know, but you need to respect his choice and close this door. You can do a lot better.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry this happened. This is about him, his ex, things moving too fast and his general lack of satisfaction with his life. It sounds like he is not ready for a relationship at this time. Do not chase him. Moving out and everything he's been telling you means it's best to move forward with your life without him.
    Originally Posted by Rusty1274
    We moved in together 3 months into dating.
    he went to his ex's house to apologize how he was to her.. About a week later he broke up with me saying he needed time to focus on himself
    He started going to the casino and playing poker trying to earn some money. In the process he lost a couple grand.
    His next text was I just want to be done with the. The truth is I don't want a future with you.

  7. #6
    Thanks, its what I needed to hear.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    He wants extra money so he goes to the casino? He is indebt and is careless with his money. Should be a red flag for you.

    You moved in at 3 months. That's nuts. You barely knew one another. You should have waited a year. The death was an excuse because you moved too fast and spent too much time together . He is also not over the ex.

    Learn from this. You need to move on, as he said he does not want to continue. Too many red flags!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Are you kidding me? He's NOT thee one!

    Ditch the loser from your life and yes, most definitely MOVE ON.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    How old are you both, if you don't mind me asking?
    How long ago he broke up with his ex ?
    Please do not contact him.
    You need some space now to see things for what they are. If you are too close and in it....you will not see it.
    I am so sorry you are hurting.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    How many times does someone need to break up with you before it occurs to you that he's not reliable enough to be a partner?

    Once would do it for me.

    Head high, and yes, move forward.

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