Trust Issues with boyfriend

Hi all, I really need some advice on how to re-gain trust, things which will mentally help me or just your thoughts.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now and it seriously hasn’t been easy. We split up a month ago and now have got back together in hope we will work out. We never used to go out anywhere because he is in a lot of debt - our main memories are going to the gym daily....

I have found out numerous lies such as finding out he was still talking to his ex when first getting with me, I found him injecting steroids (a thing he kept a secret until I saw him), I have had girls messaging me saying that he has a plenty of fish and snapchat account asking for dirty pictures. He claims neither accounts was him. The one and only time I snoop through his phone, I find he has added 150+ girls and guys on his Facebook (he had his friends list hidden) - he is quite a big muscly guy who thrives off attention as he is quite insecure. He claims he added all of these people to gain attention and nothing further however is my attention not enough? Unfortunately he can happily add girls on Facebook whilst he happily asks me to delete every ex of mine across the social media board.

I found he had be watching both sex porn on his phone whilst not having sex with me because he had other issues at the time.

Anyway, I confronted him with everything and we split. However I was seriously worried about him as he was saying very concerning things to me. Therefore I messaged his mum and she came to make him feel better. Since then he’s been pleading how much he loves me, taken me out on one date and looks at me like I’m his world. He’s always been very kind to me, about me, shows me off to the world. But this is what is confusing? I’m all over his social media but he was willing to add random people on Facebook for attention.

I’m finding it very hard to trust him, I struggle to sleep, my acne has got bad. I love him so much, but is this really healthy? I constantly want to snoop on his phone, which I don’t but oh so tempting.

Daily I’m looking at his social media to see if any girls have appeared.

I just need help and would love to hear what people think - am I just being paranoid? Insecure?

Those first few months are supposed to be the happiest, but you sound like you're anything but happy with this guy. There are plenty of guys out there who aren't in debt, who will want to go places other than the gym (gyms cost money but a walk in the park is free) and who don't feel the need to boost their ego by seeking attention from random women. You snooped because there was something telling you he wasn't trustworthy and now you're back together, do you think that gut instinct is going to change? It's more likely that he'll just try and cover his tracks better. There might be women out there who wouldn't really have a problem with his behaviour, but you don't like it and you are entitled to feel that way. With the possible side effects from steroids too, he sounds best avoided.

Sorry to hear this. Dating 36 weeks and already on/off indicates compatibility issues and other unresolved problems. You need to end things. Most substance abusers lie and are chronically broke. End this asap. Street steroids are illegal and you need to delete and block him and all his people as well as stop going to that gym or associating with him in any way.

 

I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now and it seriously hasn’t been easy. We split up a month ago and now have got back together

I have found out numerous lies such as finding out he was still talking to his ex when first getting with me, I found him injecting steroids

You have every right to feel the way you do...anyone would.

He violated your trust, many times over. He lied to your face, hid women, betrayed you, over and over.

Why you choose to believe any of it will change now, I don't know.

Stop allowing yourself to feel guilt. He chose to lie to you. He chose to go to other women. It was him who felt he needed other women's attention and to send and receive dirty pictures.

This is a man you cannot trust. I think somewhere inside of you, you know this. Besides the fact that if he loved you at all, he wouldn't have done these things.

This is a toxic relationship and it needs to end, for both your sakes. This is not something that's repairable.

I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now

Less than a year and he's pulling all of this? You need to end it and get away from him.

He took you on ONE date and you think things have vastly improved?

He makes no effort because he doesn't have to. You settle for tiny little crumbs.

How does 50 more years of this sound?

I just went to a party where there was a bodybuilder, and I could barely stand the half hour where that's all he talked about. I can't imagine how you stand a romance held entirely in a gym, where you're merely an admirer of his muscles and the meager attention he gives you.

You have a lot of work to do, and not in a gym. You have major work to do on your self esteem since this is who you think you deserve as your partner. Be alone. Read books on how to improve your self worth. Go to therapy if you can afford it. If you don't, you will continue to accept toxic garbage into your life.

All of these problems and you've only dated 9 months?

It's never going to work, girl. You two will break up again if you're unwise enough to get back together now.

Wow, this guy is a train wreck. I expect to see him on the Jerry Springier show.

I'm sorry, but I don't see how a relationship with him could survive.

They have to be good relationship material - love is not enough.

Oh, c'mOn. This isn't an issue about trusting him, there's nothing to trust.

I'd question instead why I'm using such lousy judgment in taking up with him in the first place.

There are plenty of people to date. Raise your bar.

You should have ended this, long ago.

This guy is a loser and treats you like sh&t. What do you love about him?

He has only taken you on one date. Oh, goodness.

I have found out numerous lies such as finding out he was still talking to his ex when first getting with me, I found him injecting steroids (a thing he kept a secret until I saw him), I have had girls messaging me saying that he has a plenty of fish and snapchat account asking for dirty pictures. He claims neither accounts was him.