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Thread: My wife is lying to me on her eating habits need some advice.

  1. #1

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    My wife is lying to me on her eating habits need some advice.

    Iíll give yíall a quick or try to make it a quick bio so to speak about us. Iíve been with significant other for over 4 years now. Recently married been married to my wife for about 3 months now. I love her so much and sheís my world. We live together and the whole nine yards. Plan on having kids in the near future. Iíve always been athletic and fit. I go to the gym 4-5 days a week no problem. I do sometimes eat not so good but I have cut back dramatically ESPECIALLY when I need to set the example. Now my wife. Even though I do think sheís absolutely beautiful sheís also not the healthiest person in the world. Sheís very unhealthy. Daily she eats a bag of chips and sometimes with like a McDonaldís burger to go with it. Drives me crazy how unhealthy that is. Sheís overweight and her health scares me because I know what eating that stuff can do to somebody if it happens consistently. She does try and eat healthier though by juicing and stuff like that so I do give her credit but usually after a week she falls back to square one again. So itís a constant battle and thereís no consistency. I try and support her I make her shakes, smoothies anything I can do to help and give her words of encouragement. I go out of my way to buy stuff and make it so the only thing she has to do when she gets home is basically just eat it. I always find fast food bags in the trash clear as day. So yesterday before I went to work I left her a healthy protein shake and a lunchable so she can have it for dinner. Fast forward to this morning. I know for a fact she did NOT have her lunchable because there was 4 in the fridge and still 4 the next morning. She did have her shake. I also noticed a big bag of fast food again. I wanted to see what was in there and actually I saw the receipt that said she ordered it yesterday. I asked her hoping she would come clean to me if she had her lunchable she said yes. I also asked her if she ordered/eaten the fast food and she told me no. I made it very clear I said you didnít even order it and she again said no. However the receipt tells me in fact she did order it. So she lied to me twice. I canít stand liars ultimately. I love my wife but it sheís lying to me it honestly makes me sick. Iím sure sheís probably doing that to make me feel good because I told her when she eats healthy goes to the gym it makes me so happy! So she might be lying not to hurt my feelings but again I donít like liars. I gave her every opportunity to be honest with me to tell me the truth and sheís flat out lying and I have a receipt to prove it. Should I talk to her about this? Or is it something I should just let go as a white lie so to speak. If I let her know what I know it might be much saying I have a receipt to prove it because that comes off not so positive for myself. Iím sorry for the super long message. Any help/advice will be greatly appreciated! Thank you all.

  2. #2
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    I think she is lying because you are being far too controlling over what she chooses to eat -even if she was a child it would be too controlling. She shouldn't lie and you shouldn't hover and try to control. I get where your intentions are but your approach is going to sabotage and motivate her to eat even less healthful food.

    I think you should let it go and tell her -if you've never told her -that you are concerned about her health and want to know if she wants you to make any health or nutrition suggestions. If you've already broached this with her then, she knows. You can invite her to do activities with you in a very matter of fact casual way.

    Decide whether you accept her as she is.

    Edited to add -I am fit, slim, always have been, eat reasonably. Husband has put on some weight and about 9 years ago when we were newlyweds I asked him to please start exercising again for his health. He didn't like me saying that because I sounded like his mother. I never said another word. He started exercising and eating better about two years ago -on his own. If he asks me if he should skip a day because of the weather or a cold he has I tell him what I think but I am careful to do it in a casual way. He knows I exercise daily unless I am very very sick no matter what the weather and I tell him not to judge his decisions by what I do! I feel comfortable with this approach and I do wish he would eat more healthfully.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    First of all...
    Originally Posted by Omega0321
    I left her a healthy protein shake and a lunchable so she can have it for dinner.
    I'd have gone pfffft and ordered a Hot 'N Ready just to spite you.

    I asked her hoping she would come clean to me if she had her lunchable she said yes.
    Second, there's a fine line between a controlling health snob and someone who's juicing. Not sure which you are, but it's in my marriage agreement the wife's got full authority to shoot me if I find myself asking her questions I'd ask a 4-year old.

    I've always been fit and healthy. Lucky to have had space and money to invest in weights and equipment at home, but daily exercise has always been important to me. In any case, you know what I did? Married a woman with the same values. I've got zero interest in playing authoritarian dietitian to the woman I claim to call my life partner with with all the due respect as an equal that entails. If you're all of three months into your marriage, I honestly wouldn't even suggest counseling. End it. While I do sincerely hope she gets active and shapes her diet up if need be, this isn't a dynamic any woman (or many for that matter) should be subject to.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    When did she start eating unhealthy and become overweight? Three months ago?

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  6. #5

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    No as long as Iíve known her basically. My fear is itís going to catch up to her eventually. You can only eat bad and have a terrible diet for so long before the consequences can be severe. And thatís why I try to do my part to help out in anyway possible.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Omega0321
    No as long as Iíve known her basically. My fear is itís going to catch up to her eventually. You can only eat bad and have a terrible diet for so long before the consequences can be severe. And thatís why I try to do my part to help out in anyway possible.
    You're not helping her. You're trying to control what she eats. I really don't think you're motivated by wanting to help because if you were you would have figured out after the first controlling comment or action that you were doing it for you not for her. You want her to eat a certain way and lose weight. Yes, her diet is probably awful. Yes it can affect her long term health. No, you are not her controlling boss (I will not say "father" because a parent shouldn't treat a child this way). If she wants to change she will. Looks like she doesn't want to.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Omega0321
    No as long as Iíve known her basically. My fear is itís going to catch up to her eventually. You can only eat bad and have a terrible diet for so long before the consequences can be severe. And thatís why I try to do my part to help out in anyway possible.
    So you married her knowing how she was but now you expect her to "change"??

    Oh boy...

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    It sounds like she has low self esteem and eating is her comfort and solace.

    Instead of dictating what she should eat and how she should eat, try being more supportive than you are (with all due respect). Try a different approach.

    Instead of heading to the gym all by yourself, ask your wife to join you, workout together even if it means you have to slow your pace for her every now and then. Grocery shop and cook together. Be an example as opposed to telling her what to do.

    Btw, lunchables are NOT healthy either.

    Also, there could be an underlying problem. I've noticed whenever I've eaten with abandon, I was depressed, didn't care about my health nor what I looked like. It's self-destructive behavior because mentally, something went awry.

    There's a psychological problem here; not just in need of an attitude adjustment for your wife. You need to get to the bottom of this, examine and reevaluate the core problem here which is mental which causes the body to go downhill because she simply does not care.

    Take care of the mental problem first and then diet and exercise will be on solid footing. First things first. There's more to it than self control regarding food and "laziness" to get fit.

    Dig deeper, address and fix mental issues and then then lifestyle changes will follow. Do things in order as opposed to expecting results according to your will.

  10. #9

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    So what do I do? Basically just watch her be unhealthy and just be like okay it is what it is mindset and hope to god nothing bad happens? Iím not a fan of watching the train crash right in front of my face analogy. But if trying to help her is coming off controlling I mean I can stop helping her if I must.

  11. #10

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    Our schedules that are the complete opposite only seeing her about 2 days a week at the most is hard to tell her to like go to the gym with me. When Iím home we eat great we eat healthy. Unfortunately our schedules donít line up so sheís home more without me than with me and when that happens times have shown she eats unhealthy.

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