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Thread: Is my boss interested?

  1. #1

    Is my boss interested?

    I will start by saying I am NOT interested in my boss. I just want to know if what痴 going on here is indicative of him being interested and advice on how to handle if it seems he is.

    I have worked for him for 11 years. He is married and has three adult children. He has never been inappropriate. However, I feel this has changed. My husband and I separated 2 years ago and the divorce was final last year. Since then, I feel like my boss has been very interested in my life. Asking me if I知 dating if I have a boyfriend, etc. He is typically very forgetful but has been remembering if I mention I知 going to a concert or a movie festival. My boss is also not one to ever stay at work late. But for the past few months he has been staying late and seemingly giving me projects close to the end of the workday because he knows I will stay to finish. Then he値l ask if everyone is gone and he will vent about work and about life and about relationships. He has never been one to talk about colleagues but lately he has to me. When we are talking he always then abruptly says 的 have to go and leaves. He also occasionally asks me to pick him up at his home and take him to work because of car issues but the car always seems to be fine. On the days he does this he makes sure we do not enter the building at the same time. He will tell me to wait a few minutes behind him.

    I have been noticing his hand will linger if we accidentally touch when I hand him a piece of paper or a folder. Or he will touch my back if we are leaving or entering a room at the same time. However, whereas he may give innocent compliments to my colleagues he never pays me a compliment, which leads me to believe the rest of the 都igns are just in my head.

    He relies on me heavily at work and is always texting/calling/emailing after work hours. He knows I知 neurotic and will work 24/7 if needed. Recently the office was closed for a week as it always is for the holidays but he knew I was coming for one day (as I always do during this break) to get work done and he made sure to come on the same day. He has never done this in the years I have worked there.

    Is this in my head? Or if he sounds interested, how do I proceed since I am not?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Remain professional. Stop being available "24/7". I don't know why you would do that anyway.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    I agree you need to stop being so available. Stop doing that one day work day during the holidays. Dont be on call 24/7. Dont tell him so much about your personal life. Stop picking him up at home because of alleged car problems. You are way too available to him.

    When I first read your post I thought maybe he was having marriage issues and didnt want to go home, but now that I think about it, it does sound like he may have more than a working interest in you. You may need to consider getting a new job.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Just keep reminding yourself that he is your boss especially when that voice tells you he seems to be putting out signs.... Do you feel uncomfortable with him touching your back? I think I would but that's just me not liking others touch me if they're not family or friends.

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  6. #5
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    You need a better balance and stronger boundaries.

    There is no reason to work 24/7, and you are too available to him, as the others have pointed out. Whatever is outside your stipulated job duties is not required. You need to not respond every time he snaps his fingers. Get more of a life outside of work so he gets the message that you do have other things going on and are not waiting around for him to take advantage of you.

    If he doesn't get the message, you might be wise to look for another job with a more professional atmosphere.

    To answer your other questions, it sounds like he's hit a rough patch in his marriage (or is plain bored with his life) and wants attention from another woman. Don't mistake that for being genuinely interested in you as a person. These people are usually more about the ego stroke they can get from others rather than seeing the personal and unique value in those others. In other words, you're inadvertently making yourself an easy target for him to fish from since you don't appear to have much else going on and have trouble saying no to him. If it weren't you, it would be the next available woman. He thus far isn't getting a signal from you to back off, so he keeps doing it. Take a firmer stance and he'll more than likely move along. He's afraid of people seeing you arrive at work together, so I doubt it will take much to scare him off, so to speak.

  7. #6
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    He doesn稚 sound interested in you to me.
    Maybe just taking advantage of the fact that he can squeeze more work hours out of you than he has to pay for.

    Why are you telling him about your social life? When you are going to a concert etc?? Did you do that when you were married? Or has your behaviour changed and he is simply responding to that?
    Perhaps he feels bad / empathy for you?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Some short term therapy to come to grips with your recent divorce would help you sort some things out. You need a life outside of work. Take some classes, courses, join some groups and clubs, volunteer. Get back in touch with friends and family.

    You should not be this available and work is not a dating site or singles bar. Coming onto the boss is a bad idea. Get a nice profile and pics on some quality dating apps and start messaging and meet men.
    Originally Posted by ClearDay24
    My husband and I separated 2 years ago and the divorce was final last year. I知 neurotic and will work 24/7 if needed.

  9. #8
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    Don't hang out with your boss! Even if he was gay or something, professionally it's not really OK to spend time with your boss like stay back at work or give him lifts at work. A manager for professional and ethical reasons shouldn't spend more time with an employee than with other staff members. I'm saying outside of the work environment, like getting lifts in the car. Even if he did have car troubles (which he probably doesn't), he can't just use you to get free lifts. He needs to fix the car, catch public transport or get a taxi or Uber. I think he's acting unprofessional, whether he actually is interested in you or not. I think stop staying back at work with him and don't drive him anymore. And don't talk much except about work related stuff.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    This is someone's husband....are you okay with that?

  11. #10
    Thanks everyone for the comments so far! Not being available all the time is a good plan. I have always been this way because I am very neurotic about doing things right at work. We are a small office of 10 so we sort of have become like family over the years and everyone knows everyone痴 personal life.

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