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Thread: Ex begging to talk

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Met a guy online—he is adorable, funny, and my type. Went on three really fun dates. We got frisky on date two, date three was the next night and we had sex twice and he stayed over.

    Is this the same guy you had 3 dates with ending in November?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Sounds like an alcoholic/depression. That's why you find him confusing, and his behavior is unpredictable.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    OP you got such a wonderful bunch of advice here, I hope you are listening!

  4. #14

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    block his calls and messages. From what you've said its not worth it, and what comes with that relationship is pain. I know you may feel guilty for it, but he will get over it eventually. And in the end you'll both be better off.

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  6. #15
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    @reinvent: entirely different guy. That was just a brief fling.

    Thanks all. I feel hooked still by that feeling of an intense connection and I felt chemistry that was rare. He love bombed me a bit in the beginning and made me feel like what we had was special. That’s what makes this hard when he reaches out again like this. But rational me knows nothing good comes of it.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kricket123
    I feel hooked still by that feeling of an intense connection and I felt chemistry that was rare. He love bombed me a bit in the beginning and made me feel like what we had was special. That’s what makes this hard when he reaches out again like this. But rational me knows nothing good comes of it.
    I get it.

    That said, it really might be worth exploring your headspace surrounding this, because at this point (356 days after a 90 day thing) you are choosing to hold onto a story much the way he is, exhibiting similar traits that bother you in him: self-generated feeling, fantastical thinking. You're choosing to stay in contact, even if it's just passive, which is to say you're choosing to let the story beat out reality. That tells me that you enjoy these occasional messages from him and what they offer: the adrenaline shot of feeling, more grist for that story, the feeling of mattering so much to someone that they can't help but reach out with lofty sentiments from time to time. In short, it feels good, kind of like a drug, probably the way he gets a little hit off the emotional pipe in reaching out. But, also like drugs, there are drawbacks—namely that you don't get to live fully in reality.

    Break those three months down and, by the sounds of it, you can extract 2 or 3 genuinely fun weeks? When that's all you got, you're kind of discrediting the concept of an "intense connection." It's kind of the opposite, no? A momentarily fierce connection—hot sex before the ED kicked in, starry eyes before the storm came—that turned sideways quick and, ultimately, offered you very little. Subtract the story from your mind and how much excitement did this connection deliver?

    Sometimes it's easier to cling to an idea than face why we're clinging to that idea. But to really separate from him you have to see the spot in you that is similar, and then stop giving it power.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Kricket123
    @reinvent: entirely different guy. That was just a brief fling.

    Thanks all. I feel hooked still by that feeling of an intense connection and I felt chemistry that was rare. He love bombed me a bit in the beginning and made me feel like what we had was special. That’s what makes this hard when he reaches out again like this. But rational me knows nothing good comes of it.
    If he is indeed a narcissist, it's common to experience intense feelings with him.
    That and a 3 month relationship is typically still in the honeymoon phase. You are still experiencing that high and when it ends, it's a long way to fall.
    Add in the touch of unrequited love. It's no wonder you feel the pull, but don't be tempted.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    My ex lied, cheated and hid things from me so I left him. For FIVE YEARS he begged me for another chance, claiming he realized he truly loved me. So I went back.

    He then proceeded (after a 3 month honeymoon period ) to lie, cheat and hide things from me. I gathered the strength to leave him for 2 months, then after he persisted I (foolishly ) returned for round 3. Guess what he did? Yep, lied, cheated and hid things from me!

    When I tearfully asked him why, he said "well, you know what I'm like and you keep coming back. I figured you like being treated like that".

    You go back for round 3 and he'll figure you're so hung up on him you'll put up with whatever he dishes out. He'll figure you like being treated like that.

  10. #19
    Silver Member seanryder's Avatar
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    “I could block his number but in general I would rather know what’s coming into my phone.”


    Why?

    I think you like the attention which in this case can lead to a place you don’t want to be. Block him, and forget this guy or you’ll be back here some time in the future reading these posts, wondering why you didn’t take the advice given on this forum.

    Be kind to yourself. Good luck.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    GASLIGHTING. Run for the hills!

    I've been on the receiving end of gaslighting all my life. Beware of gaslighters!

    Listen to common sense. You deserve to be treated with utmost respect and honor. Ditch the guy for good (as in permanently). Splash some cold water on your face and wake up. Be logical. You need to dump him.

    In order to let go, send him one last, FINAL message or text: "With all due respect, I do not wish to remain in contact with you anymore. It's time to go our separate ways. I wish you well. Sincerely, Your Name." End it like that and if he does not comply nor cooperate with your request, then ghost, block and delete him in that order. End it graciously and peacefully. You'll be OK.

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