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Thread: Can we improve “physical chemistry“?

  1. #91
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    I disagree with any sort of exit reviews. They are meaningless because it is the personal quirk and opinion of someone who you do not hit it off with. If you are concerned, simply send one last text asking for coffee. No answer? Delete, block, done and move forward. Avoid wasting time on poor matches, it prevents the burnout you are describing.
    All I meant by clarification is, do you want to see me again or not? Nothing less, nothing more

  2. #92
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    Originally Posted by dmveep
    All I meant by clarification is, do you want to see me again or not? Nothing less, nothing more
    You don't need that. If a person wants to see you again that person will respond with enthusiasm and promptly unless there's a phone issue or emergency.

  3. #93
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Didn't you already cancel?

    So why bother with the post mortem?

    She is not obligated to "help" you move on. If you refuse, sorry to be blunt but that's your problem not hers.

  4. #94
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    You don't need that. If a person wants to see you again that person will respond with enthusiasm and promptly unless there's a phone issue or emergency.
    Yes, people sometimes respond in a non-direct way, or drag things out.

    “Such as I can’t that day, maybe tomorrow?”

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  6. #95
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    Originally Posted by dmveep
    Yes, people sometimes respond in a non-direct way, or drag things out.

    “Such as I can’t that day, maybe tomorrow?”
    Right. To me that is insufficient interest to go on a date. At most I'd respond "sure thing -let me know and if I'm free we'll make a plan! Take care!" (I do that regularly now because I'm trying to make new platonic friends).

    My personal standard with early dating -unless there's a real reason -emergency, illness, out of town travel, work deadline -anything short of an enthusiastic response means "no thanks". When my husband wanted to see me he made a plan two weeks in advance because he knew he'd be out of town. That ended up being the day we got back together.

  7. #96
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I'll give you the wrap up.

    You are a nice guy who met a nice woman and there wasn't an instant spark for her. For whatever reason, you weren't her type. That's not a bad thing. Attraction is subjective.

    She was closed off and luke warm from the start, but she gave it a chance. Nothing changed for her and she attempted to attach you by being intimate with you and that didn't change things either.

    Despite all you already knew, you yourself said you begged this closed off woman for another date. Why, I don't know.

    So there you go. Asking her what she didn't like about you is pointless. There isn't anything to dislike. Certain things were missing therefore she didn't feel the connection.

    For all you know one of things is she likes skinny, metro sexual type men. You aren't going to be someone different tomorrow, so this information serves no purpose. You wouldn't have morphed yourself into a metro sexual to get her attention anyway.

    Be glad she let you go so you can focus on finding someone who is attracted to you - the way you deserve and just the way you are.

    All I meant by clarification is, do you want to see me again or not? Nothing less, nothing more
    What do her actions tell you? That's all you need to know.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 01-21-2020 at 03:00 PM.

  8. #97
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    You are a nice guy who met a nice woman and there wasn't an instant spark for her. For whatever reason, you weren't her type. That's not a bad thing. Attraction is subjective.

    She was closed off and luke warm from the start, but she gave it a chance. Nothing changed for her and she attempted to attach you by being intimate with you and that didn't change things either.

    All I meant by clarification is, do you want to see me again or not? Nothing less, nothing more[/B] What do her actions tell you? That's all you need to know.
    Solid summary! Actions/body language do speak louder than words. You’re probably right, things were probably lukewarm from the start. There seemed to be a lot of hesitation on her part every step of the way. The only reason I even invited her back to my apartment is to try and figure out if she was interested or not. Her attitude and demeanor gave me this gut feeling that she has baggage to work through that was holding her back. By the way she talked about dating, and her talking about an exes drunken behavior on a first date, really a turn off.

    I’ve been trying to focus on fun with the dates, but her excessive talks about previous dating experiences should have been a red flag.

    I guess there really was reason to take this personally. I don’t think I handled myself poorly any step of the way. Perhaps we had sex a little early but that probably had little to do with the outcome.

    I’m out here! Thanks for the thoughts.

    Hopefully, I’ll never need to post again.

    Next!

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