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Thread: Self conflict with trust issues with model GF

  1. #1

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    Self conflict with trust issues with model GF

    Hello all, firstly my apologies for the arrogant title; If possible Id like some input from you guys regarding my thoughts and feelings. Id very much appreciate all input.

    To be as brief as possible.
    Me and my girlfriend are in our early twenties, this is the first relationship Ive ever been in. Were living 3 hours away from each other and get to see each other twice a month and video chat for an hour daily. Shes a model and has had been in half a dozen relationships in the past.

    My concerns are Im constantly afraid that shes cheating on me, she tells me how she gets hit on heavily frequently; and has told me she cheated in a prior relationship once in the past and feels poor about it.

    I trust her and love her, but I cant help to think the temptations shes being exposed to daily, and if Im not satisfying any of her emotional needs from being so far away and dont video chat with her long enough. Shell seek for that attention else where and not tell me.

    What should I do about these constant negative thoughts?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Find a local girl. LDRs rarely work and your level of anxiety about her will kill the relationship. You dont trust her or you would not feel the way you do.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Where and when did you meet her?

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I agree that LDRs have a higher risk of failure. Past behavior also predicts future behavior. If she had such low ethics to cheat before, perhaps she'd do it again if her ethics haven't changed. On the other hand, it's possible she has matured and learned from the behavior, since she says she didn't feel good about it.

    Here's something you might not know: Young women who don't look like models get hit on quite often also, sometimes even more than models. Either a woman has the capability and determination to be faithful or she doesn't, and it doesn't matter if she's hit on 10 times a day if she's the faithful sort. It's not like acid rain that will eat away at a stone, and the person will lose all of her willpower.

    If she's bragging about being hit on, that's about her wanting a reaction from you. Just tell her that's not an interesting topic for you and you'd rather not know.

    Basically, it's best to take a wait and see attitude with anyone you date. Time will tell, past the honeymoon period, if the person is worth being in your life. Worrying and suspecting won't benefit you and will kill the relationship. Secrets, if there are any, always have a way of coming out, so no need to be a P.I. If there are no secrets, over time you will calm down. Hopefully you can learn to enjoy your companionship before the calming down period arrives.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I agree with melancholy123. LDRs (long distance relationships) have a high failure rate and you're better off with a local girl whom you'll obviously see more often due to convenience, less expense nor hassle with time consuming back 'n forth traveling.

    Perhaps you feel your model girlfriend is way out of your league. It's better to date a woman who isn't a model so you won't feel so insecure and distrustful.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Well, there's a few things you can do.

    Obvious answer is: avoid dating people who trigger anxiety, rather than equating anxiety as a sign of a powerful connection or the price of admission for having a hottie gf, since there's no need for dating to feel like some kind of endurance test. Only getting to see someone twice every 30 days, with the rest existing on screens? Well, that's going to be hard for most people, regardless of whether one person is a model or not. So it's maybe worth asking yourself if, big picture, a dynamic that works for few humans on planet earth genuinely works for you. Sometimes, alas, we have to try something that doesn't work to sharpen our focus a bit.

    But I suspect you're not wanting to think too hard along those lines at this moment, so: All you can do is trust her, and yourself, knowing that you can't really control anyone, ever. Be patient, and see if these jitters fade as your connection deepens. If so, terrific. If notwell, less terrific, but a solid sign that this just isn't the dynamic or person for you. Meanwhile, during the 28 days a month (aka the majority of your life) you don't see her? Make sure you're doing you, fueling you, living your fullest life so feeling full isn't dependent on her. That builds inner confidence and self-generated security, which will (hopefully) make these feelings more manageable since you know you'll be okay whichever way the chips fall.

    As another said, everyone on planet earth gets hit on: men, women, models, non-models. Not everyone hits back, or is so intoxicated by cursory attention that they jump the shark ethically. That she feels the need to share outside interest with you is basically her way of sharing her own insecurities, and her own values: building connection through jealousy, some low-grade pot-stirring, surface-level hoo-ha. Observe that a bit, occasionally asking if it's really the sort of conversations you want to be having or the way you want to spend your time. Maybe in teaching yourself to think along those lines (what's good for you) will remove the obsessive focus on what she may, or may not, be doing.

  8. #7
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    Something bad is going to happen in this relationship, it's waiting to happen. If I could put money in it, I would. More than likely she's going to end up cheating on you, I can see it already. You're insecure in the relationship, which there is nothing wrong with at all, and her being a model is only going to expose her to other potential men. Also I agree with the above posters, LDRs rarely ever work out, especially being three hours away. That's quite a hike.

    My advice, bro, leave this chick. I've been in your shoes before, where I was with a woman whom I thought was going to work out, and she strung me along. It turned out she was seeing another man behind my back, and I got hurt. I don't want the same thing to happen to you. You're still very young, you don't need all this relationship pain in your life. Enjoy life while you're still young, because pretty soon you're going to get older and you're going to realize "man I should have enjoyed my life more, now it's too late and I can't go back". Tell this chick it's over, go to a bar or club, and find yourself a chick there. Trust me, it works. I went to a dive bar one time where I had a 35-year-old VERY attractive woman next to me; I broke the ice by saying "it's taking forever to get drinks", two hours and some conversation later, she's in my bed. It felt good. You can do that too, brother. Get out there and play. This woman ain't worth your time or trouble.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How did you meet? It's interesting that she supposedly has so many opportunities and offers, yet chooses a LDR with video chats instead of a satisfying one-on-one in person real life relationship. Don't waste your time on someone like this.
    Originally Posted by Newuser228
    Were living 3 hours away from each other and get to see each other twice a month and video chat for an hour daily. she tells me how she gets hit on heavily frequently.

  10. #9
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    Why is she telling you about how much other guys hit on her? Is she volunteering this, or are you asking her these sorts of questions?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Newuser228
    Hello all, firstly my apologies for the arrogant title; If possible Id like some input from you guys regarding my thoughts and feelings. Id very much appreciate all input.

    To be as brief as possible.
    Me and my girlfriend are in our early twenties, this is the first relationship Ive ever been in. Were living 3 hours away from each other and get to see each other twice a month and video chat for an hour daily. Shes a model and has had been in half a dozen relationships in the past.

    My concerns are Im constantly afraid that shes cheating on me, she tells me how she gets hit on heavily frequently; and has told me she cheated in a prior relationship once in the past and feels poor about it.

    I trust her and love her, but I cant help to think the temptations shes being exposed to daily, and if Im not satisfying any of her emotional needs from being so far away and dont video chat with her long enough. Shell seek for that attention else where and not tell me.

    What should I do about these constant negative thoughts?

    Have confidence in yourself and the relationship. What happen in her past doesn't matter anymore.

    Just focus in the relationship and trust her. You can't be in a relationship with somebody you don't trust.

    Good luck.

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