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Thread: Help!

  1. #1
    Member ArtLover51's Avatar
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    Help!

    Iíve been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years. He never wanted to get married because we are in our late 60s and he decided, we would not live together. Additionally, he didnít want us to become a financial or medical burden on each other at this stage of life. Now he is having major physical issues and I have been with him, taking care of him through 3 back surgeries and now he has had an abdominal abscess and an open wound and has developed a condition called C-Diff, which is highly contagious. While he has his siblings, nieces, nephews and a son close by, I have no-one to take care of me if I get this infection. I am torn because I feel like Iím being a bad girlfriend if I say he cannot stay with me while he recuperates. Any advice??? Anyone???

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You are not a nurse or his nurse or a rehabilitation unit or a nursing facility. You are not his next of kin and you are not a licensed caretaker. There are legal issues with having someone like this in your care. His family/next of kin/healthcare proxy needs to arrange things for him if he is too ill. Do not deal with this. Get a nursing service for this.
    Originally Posted by ArtLover51
    has developed a condition called C-Diff, which is highly contagious. if I say he cannot stay with me while he recuperates.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    C-Diff can become a very dangerous illness where it has the ability to kill a person.

    You shouldn't be taking care of him at the moment. He should be having proper care from either the hospital or a nursing home.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Since he has "decided that you will not live together" then do not let him live with you while he recuperates. Instead, why don't you look into home care options and costs for BOTH of you so that if anything should happen to you where you need support then you will have the knowledge of where to go to get it. There is also social services (most likely) that you can look into for help.

    Either that ^^^ or you make a written agreement drawn up by a lawyer that he pays you for your services at a comparable rate as what any professional caregiver gets as long as you are administering to him so that you can save it to pay for someone should you need it.

    You don't mention it but has he even asked you to care for him or are you just assuming you will or should?

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do Not Practice Medicine/Nursing with something this dangerous Without A Licence
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    he pays you for your services at a comparable rate as what any professional caregiver gets as long as you are administering to him so that you can save it to pay for someone should you need it.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Do Not Practice Medicine/Nursing with something this dangerous Without A Licence
    I'm not talking surgery or doing medical procedures, OP ... I'm talking getting his meals, bathing him, doing his errands, the things any caregiver can do without having a medical licence.

    There are plenty of caregivers here in Canada that are not licenced but get paid an hourly wage to do simple day-to-day caregiver duties and just being there in case of a medical emergency. His son isn't licenced either but he would/SHOULD be doing it if no one else will.

  8. #7
    Member ArtLover51's Avatar
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    When he went into the hospital, he listed me as his caregiver. The surgeon came in before surgery and I was standing with his sisters, the surgeon as who I was and he said my wife. I didnít say anything at all. I am scared to catch this because I have no family here to take care of me and yet I feel guilty. His family keeps thanking me for taking care of him. I love him but I donít think I can do this.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Tell him what you've said here. That you can't be exposed to getting ill because you have nobody to take care of you when that happens. He can pay for in home care from companies such as Comfort Keepers if his insurance doesn't cover that. If he's okay with putting you at risk, why aren't you questioning if he's a bad boyfriend instead of if you're a bad girlfriend?

    Sounds like he's called all the shots as to how he wants the relationship to go. Did you settle? Do you think he'd care for you as you've been doing for him if you were ill? Financial burden? Seems like you two could've saved a lot of money living in one place versus two. If it's worked for you, fine. If not, maybe this is a watershed moment that should get you thinking if you're giving more than receiving.

  10. #9
    Member ArtLover51's Avatar
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    He is living on Social Security/Pensions and is on Medicare. He has no savings and lives paycheck to paycheck.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ArtLover51
    When he went into the hospital, he listed me as his caregiver. The surgeon came in before surgery and I was standing with his sisters, the surgeon as who I was and he said my wife. I didnít say anything at all. I am scared to catch this because I have no family here to take care of me and yet I feel guilty. His family keeps thanking me for taking care of him. I love him but I donít think I can do this.
    Of course his family thanks you! You've taken the burden of health care off of them! They are the ones who should be taking care of him, not you.

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