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Thread: Help!

  1. #11
    Member ArtLover51's Avatar
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    He has asked me to take care of him, I am not assuming. He told me to read up on the ramifications of what that would entail and that he wants to stay with me.
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Since he has "decided that you will not live together" then do not let him live with you while he recuperates. Instead, why don't you look into home care options and costs for BOTH of you so that if anything should happen to you where you need support then you will have the knowledge of where to go to get it. There is also social services (most likely) that you can look into for help.

    Either that ^^^ or you make a written agreement drawn up by a lawyer that he pays you for your services at a comparable rate as what any professional caregiver gets as long as you are administering to him so that you can save it to pay for someone should you need it.

    You don't mention it but has he even asked you to care for him or are you just assuming you will or should?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    His family keeps thanking me for taking care of him. For his other issues, it's okay to to help out when needed, but if it's so much you're getting burned out, do communicate with the family about dividing duties. It sounds like you're getting into doormat mode. You need to speak up for yourself.

    And as I saw on a Dr. Phil episode where a woman took care of her paralyzed husband's duties all day long. Dr Phil said a partner cannot be both a romantic partner and a nurse/caretaker. That they needed to hire a professional.

    It's of course loving to care for a partner in need, but if this is now going to be daily, longterm duties, it's best he hires help.

  3. #13
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    Agree with Andrina and please please do not risk any exposure to C-diff!

  4. #14
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'd look into other resources before this ends up becoming a legal issue.

    JMO...

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    His family keeps thanking me for taking care of him.
    So you have been looking after him already so why now are you feeling put upon? Either that or they are just assuming you will look after him now. When they thanked you, Why didn't you take the opportunity to tell them what you've told us here? That would have been the opportune time to get all things ironed out. You can still talk to them about it but you'll have to be the initiator of the conversation unless they thank you again or somehow bring up his need for care.

    Talk to a lawyer (most will give you a half hour of their time for free) about options.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    And as I saw on a Dr. Phil episode where a woman took care of her paralyzed husband's duties all day long. Dr Phil said a partner cannot be both a romantic partner and a nurse/caretaker. That they needed to hire a professional.
    - Yes, but these are two different things. This is a temporary illness, correct?

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Agree with Andrina and please please do not risk any exposure to C-diff!
    Some advice on that front:
    How do people get C. difficile?
    C. difficile bacteria and their spores are found in feces. People can get infected if they touch surfaces contaminated with feces, and then touch their mouth. Healthcare workers can spread the bacteria to their patients if their hands are contaminated.
    For healthy people, C. difficile does not pose a health risk. The elderly and those with other illnesses or who are taking antibiotics, are at a greater risk of infection.
    What can be done to prevent the spread of C. difficile?
    As with any infectious disease, frequent hand hygiene is the most effective way of preventing the transmission of healthcare associated infections. Hand washing with soap and water is important during C. difficile outbreaks and is one of the best defences against further spread of the bacteria.
    If you do not have access to soap and water, frequent use of alcohol-based hand rubs is encouraged. Most healthcare facilities provide alcohol-based hand rubs at entrances. Be sure to use them, but be aware that they are less effective than washing with soap and water as they do not destroy C. difficile spores.
    If you work in or visit a hospital or long-term healthcare facility, wash your hands often preferably with soap and water, especially after using the toilet. Gloves should be worn when caring for a patient with C. difficile infection or if in contact with his/her environment. Use a new pair of gloves when caring for each patient. Be sure to wash your hands with soap and water after removing your gloves.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    - Yes, but these are two different things. This is a temporary illness, correct?
    Not only that... what ever happened to "in sickness and in health." Dr. Phil isn't always right nor does everyone have the financial means to hire someone... especially in the states where the health care is private and based on capital gain.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. You are not a next of kin or professional caretaker. Hus family need to take care of him and hire the appropriate service to properly care for him.
    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    I'd look into other resources before this ends up becoming a legal issue.

    JMO...

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I am interested to see how this plays out. It's a conundrum of sorts for the older generation and while it makes sense to not co-mingle households and finances, the health care issues do come in to play eventually.

    You aren't legally bound to someone, but romantically. You put yourself at risk financially and health wise being a care giver to someone when you don't even have the medical directive to ask proper questions and be informed. Not to mention the toll it takes on the caregiver.

    I don't have an answer for you, but it all seems to point towards a good enough reason to get married. After all, who is going to take care of you when you come of age?

    The kids of course are happy with you in the picture!
    But from a legal standpoint, they need to step here until things are otherwise figured out.

    It's just c-dif at this point. Just wait until someone has a stroke and then see what happens.

    I've had c-dif. Not fun. (too many antibiotics) But I just stayed home and took care of myself. There wasn't much to do but wait it out and watch t.v.

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