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Thread: I donít know what do with my ex

  1. #11
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    How many times does he have to show you that he is manipulative, controlling, and abusive. This is who he is! He has shown you this, over and over.

    If you had blocked him, you wouldn't be having this problem.

    If you go back, you have no one else to blame, but yourself.

    Terrible idea to be friends! You cannot be friends if there are feeling, and why would you want to be friends with a toxic individual?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 01-15-2020 at 01:14 PM.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    to answer your question, yes. he can change. However and this is a giant however--

    As long as he has access to you, you share any kind of relationship, he will not. He will not. I'll say it, again, he will not.

    The only motivation for change, is get something you don't have and that goes for all things in life.

    As a young woman, I did not understand this. And like you, I wanted my cake and eat it, too. I wanted my boyfriend's to treat me a certain way, but I didn't have the discipline to walk away when presented with unacceptable behavior. I wanted them to change but I wasn't willing to change myself.

    Do you see what I did there? it's not about forcing him to change, cause you can't. but you can change yourself. And be strong! accept being away from someone you love is hard, but you love yourself enough to know what you deserve.

    You may find you don't love him as much as you thought and you don't see your future with him... the world is your oyster! There are a lot of great guys out there. Ones that don't blow it (twice!) with a great woman!

    Put the responsibility for your life back on you. get away from this guy for a few weeks, months even, I bet you see the situation differently. Maybe he will realise what he lost and change. Maybe you'll realise what you were missing- with someone else!

    The best advice i can give for anyone is, don't limit yourself or your options. And don't make decisions out of fear. There are always more men... I know a lot of people, when breaking up, really think - oh no, I will not meet anyone better. But we all do... if you can get one guy, you can get another.

    ps... toxic guys are everywhere. women, too. so know you aren't really giving up anyone great... knock him down a peg and raise your own self worth. these situations only get worse!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    to answer your question, yes. he can change. However and this is a giant however--

    As long as he has access to you, you share any kind of relationship, he will not. He will not. I'll say it, again, he will not.

    The only motivation for change, is get something you don't have and that goes for all things in life.

    As a young woman, I did not understand this. And like you, I wanted my cake and eat it, too. I wanted my boyfriend's to treat me a certain way, but I didn't have the discipline to walk away when presented with unacceptable behavior. I wanted them to change but I wasn't willing to change myself.

    Do you see what I did there? it's not about forcing him to change, cause you can't. but you can change yourself. And be strong! accept being away from someone you love is hard, but you love yourself enough to know what you deserve.

    You may find you don't love him as much as you thought and you don't see your future with him... the world is your oyster! There are a lot of great guys out there. Ones that don't blow it (twice!) with a great woman!

    Put the responsibility for your life back on you. get away from this guy for a few weeks, months even, I bet you see the situation differently. Maybe he will realise what he lost and change. Maybe you'll realise what you were missing- with someone else!

    The best advice i can give for anyone is, don't limit yourself or your options. And don't make decisions out of fear. There are always more men... I know a lot of people, when breaking up, really think - oh no, I will not meet anyone better. But we all do... if you can get one guy, you can get another.

    ps... toxic guys are everywhere. women, too. so know you aren't really giving up anyone great... knock him down a peg and raise your own self worth. these situations only get worse!
    Worth repeating! *Two Thumbs Up*

  4. #14
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    Third time is very rarely charm, especially when you're as young as you two appear to be.

    You both have a lot of growing and maturing to do, for different reasons. You're trying to sell yourself the narrative that you just "get" each other, but at the same time, your gut is yelling at you to stay away. Your friends and family will probably do the same, not because they don't "get" you two, but because they see things far more objectively than you can.

    Keep those friends and family close. You'll need them when the third break-up happens.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Take this quiz from a teen dating abuse site: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by abcama16
    I went to his room did my homework.

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