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Thread: Advice regarding relationship with pregnant GF

  1. #31
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    Why in the world would you get pregnant with this woman with all of issues? I don't get to!

  2. #32

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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    Ugh, now I'm starting to remember - I am also speaking from personal experience. After moving in, I was expecting to get engaged soon, especially after this romantic trip. It didn't happened, and he started endlessly on WOW. He started promising to get married. I started nit picking. Then when I got prego, and he manipulated me into getting an abortion, and promises of getting married, but never happening, the nit-picking really picked up. We broke up soon thereafter, which brought me to enotalone.

    Either way, read Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. It seems neither of you are able to really say what you mean and understand each other. Her nit picking turns you off cuz you feel unsupported. Your lack of giving to her makes her feel unloved. Really, you are experiencing what a lot of couples can experience at any given time. It's either you want two won't to make it work, and get some counseling to communicate effectively moving forward as parents and partners, or just move on. But I have a strong feeling you'll still find yourself in the same situation with another person and another. Communication is something you learn; no one is born to do it.
    I'm wanting to make this work and I'm wanting to be there for her during the pregnancy. She's still angry with me, tonight I came in from work and tried to talk and spark up a conversation but she didn't want to. What is the best thing for me to do? Give her some space?

  3. #33
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    "I never saw any of this before she moved in, she'd stayed at my house alot and never mentioned any problems (other than the bathroom but it was a complete tip tbf and I got someone in to do it as soon as she moved in and we both picked out how we'd like it to look) .

    in general life she's always seemed quite unsatisfied. I'd make her happy where I could but she never really enjoyed her job, she moved to another job and didn't enjoy that. She's never really made any close friends here either despite me introducing her to my mates and this girlfriends."

    This almost sounds like two different people. This is a contradiction. The signs were there.

    Get some counseling.

    Does she work? Does she have any friends?

  4. 01-15-2020, 03:06 PM

  5. #34
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    Originally Posted by colinbest2
    I'm wanting to make this work and I'm wanting to be there for her during the pregnancy. She's still angry with me, tonight I came in from work and tried to talk and spark up a conversation but she didn't want to. What is the best thing for me to do? Give her some space?
    Ask her to go to counseling, so we can be best at communicated with eachother. If she isn't open to this, then ask her if she'd like to go to her parents, and take some time for herself. But either way, the best for the baby is two parents who can co-parent, and that starts with being able to clear the air, and discuss things calmly and rationally.

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  7. #35

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    "I never saw any of this before she moved in, she'd stayed at my house alot and never mentioned any problems (other than the bathroom but it was a complete tip tbf and I got someone in to do it as soon as she moved in and we both picked out how we'd like it to look) .

    in general life she's always seemed quite unsatisfied. I'd make her happy where I could but she never really enjoyed her job, she moved to another job and didn't enjoy that. She's never really made any close friends here either despite me introducing her to my mates and this girlfriends."

    This almost sounds like two different people. This is a contradiction. The signs were there.

    Get some counseling.

    Does she work? Does she have any friends?
    Yes she has a Monday to Friday 9 to 5 job. She only has one friend that she ever sees and this friend lives about 40 miles away. So has no one else she can talk to here unfortunately.

  8. #36
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    Originally Posted by colinbest2
    Yes she has a Monday to Friday 9 to 5 job. She only has one friend that she ever sees and this friend lives about 40 miles away. So has no one else she can talk to here unfortunately.
    Yikes. Does she have any interest in meeting new people? Is most of her free time spent with you?

  9. #37

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Yikes. Does she have any interest in meeting new people? Is most of her free time spent with you?
    I honestly don't know, she moved to this city to be with her ex, they split up and she stayed because she had a job. We then met on Tinder. We're pretty much together 100% of the time. I think if she had some friends nearby to meet and talk to it'd help.

  10. #38
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    It was a mistake moving her into your home. And it was a mistake getting her pregnant.

    No need to triple down. This isn't just the " way life is ". This is a bad relationship. This is a poor choice in a partner.

    Don't buy or spend anything else until you get some financial advice. This woman wasn't even holding a stable job, and you moved her in to your home. Now she's pregnant, and she is already pushing for more. What has she contributed? What will she be contributing?

    Check out the laws where you live. Where I live, common law is a thing. She'd have rights to that house and your income. If you marry her, she certainly will almost anywhere. Don't marry her.

    Not everyone out there is a cool bean. You have to be smart. She has given you no reason to think she's interested in an equal partnership. Shes nagging already about what you have to give her. She has legs, if she wanted a huge house, why didn't she work for it before getting off the pill? Think about it. She's an adult. She's not your responsibility.

    You can roll the dice on staying with someone who already makes you miserable, or you can get out now and focus on how you will raise your kid.

    You aren't trapped. And she sure isn't. Again, this isn't " just life " even if it's a scenario that is common enough. It's the results of the series of choices you made, and continue to make. You can change the story if and when you want.

  11. #39

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    Originally Posted by dwizman
    Thats truly really difficult, im definitely not qualified to give advice in this case, but I would suggest doing a couple things

    1) seeing a relationship
    2) cultivating time with your s/o to explain to her exactly how you feel AND how you plan on fixing it
    3) LISTENING to what she has to say, and ask her how she wishes to resolve things together with the available tools you guys have available to you right now
    Great points, I do want to talk this through and have tried. Last night I tried to discuss our relationship, she told me she gets nothing from me. Sex, conversation etc. I haven't been the greatest bf and I know that now. I'm going to go to a doctor regarding my low libido and I tried to explain why I may be acting off, bit stressed with everything going on.

  12. #40
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by itsallgrand
    It was a mistake moving her into your home. And it was a mistake getting her pregnant.

    No need to triple down. This isn't just the " way life is ". This is a bad relationship. This is a poor choice in a partner.

    Don't buy or spend anything else until you get some financial advice. This woman wasn't even holding a stable job, and you moved her in to your home. Now she's pregnant, and she is already pushing for more. What has she contributed? What will she be contributing?

    Check out the laws where you live. Where I live, common law is a thing. She'd have rights to that house and your income. If you marry her, she certainly will almost anywhere. Don't marry her.

    Not everyone out there is a cool bean. You have to be smart. She has given you no reason to think she's interested in an equal partnership. Shes nagging already about what you have to give her. She has legs, if she wanted a huge house, why didn't she work for it before getting off the pill? Think about it. She's an adult. She's not your responsibility.

    You can roll the dice on staying with someone who already makes you miserable, or you can get out now and focus on how you will raise your kid.

    You aren't trapped. And she sure isn't. Again, this isn't " just life " even if it's a scenario that is common enough. It's the results of the series of choices you made, and continue to make. You can change the story if and when you want.
    Could not have said it better.

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