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Thread: Looking for an advice

  1. #1

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    Looking for an advice

    I have been dating single mom for about 2 years. We are living together 1 year & 5 months. We have an age gap . Im 25 , she’s 33.

    I have a feeling that I should end these relationships.
    I dont feel like Im a part of them or I just dont want to be a part . Im always depressed and annoyed , and its hard to accept her son. Plus ,pretty often , I have to listen criticism from family and friends that Im living with older woman and a kid .

    I am really fed up from all this. I want to move back to my home town. My friend once told me “pack your stuff and leave “.
    Maybe Im a , but I cant do it like that. I feel some kind of responisibility for them . We are shereing all costs 50/50 and without me she couldnt aford to have this house where we are staying now . I dont want to leave them on street , so I want talk with her and give her a time to find something affordable. Meanwhile I understand that she will be broken hearted and I will have to look at her tears if we will be still living under one roof .
    These was my first serious relationships and I loved her but its just too much for me and Im kind of lost .

    Any advice and help will be appreciated.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Where is the father of the child? Is he paying support for the child?

    I understand you dont want to hurt her but you are hurting her and yourself by staying in a relationship you dont want to be in. I think you should tell her you are going to be leaving. Perhaps have a place lined up to go to, in case she throws you out then and there. Next time dont be so quick to move in with a woman who has a child that is not yours.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    A broken heart is inevitable. However, what's worse is fooling yourself and ultimately deceiving her (pretending you're content when you're really not).

    Have an honest discussion with her while remaining calm always despite her becoming emotionally explosive due to limited means should you suddenly exit the picture.

    Get the guilt out of your head. You're not responsible for her nor her child. That's on the biological father and his legal fiduciary obligations.

    Prepare to make your exit and concentrate on your own life. For everyone on this Earth, it's sink or swim.

    My mother worked 3 jobs 7 days a week to put food on the table and a roof over our heads for 3 children. My father skipped town with nary a penny of child support for his children. My mother successfully raised 3 children all by herself without help from anybody. If my steel magnolia mother can do it, so can your girlfriend. My mother had guts and fortitude. She's the strongest woman I had ever known.

    My friend asked me where I got my strength from. Strength runs in my veins and I got it from observing my tough mother all my life.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I understand not wanting to leave her in the lurch. If you agreed to this living situatiin & expenses split, you should either give her some notice or if you have some money, to give in place of notice.

    Is there a lease that has to be fulfilled before she can move out to a cheaper place? Did she get involved in this lease based on your commitment to share the expenses?

    I would expect this to been done with any roommate situation. You do owe the other party in some respect, to finish out the lease and to work that out fairly.

    There's gonna be heart break... there's no avoiding it. a break up hurts. but you have every right to decide to end the relationship, if it's not working for you.

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  6. #5
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    It doesn't really sound to me like you love her because if her and her son make you annoyed and you're sick of them, that's a sign you are not into her anymore. If that's how you feel then I don't think you should continue the relationship just because you feel sorry for her. She deserves someone who actually wants to be with her and you deserve someone you actually love too. However, regarding your friends and family's opinion, it's not really any of their business. I don't think you should care what they think. The age gap isn't actually that huge and you are an adult, so you can do what you want.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Agree you should end it and move out. She can get another roommate. It's not your responsibility. Where did you live before? What is the reason you moved in together after dating 7 months? How did you meet? You are incompatible. She is family oriented and you wish to be single. At 25 that makes sense. She manged just fine before you met and she'll do just fine when you leave. Her child's father is responsible for the financial support of her child. .
    Originally Posted by Algebra
    I have been dating single mom for about 2 years. We are living together 1 year & 5 months. We have an age gap . Im 25 , she’s 33. Im always depressed and annoyed , and its hard to accept her son.

  8. 01-15-2020, 01:42 PM

  9. #7
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Kids are extra little people to love you. The age difference is not much. And people will always say things about you, regardless. Haters are going to hate. Get over it. Those are some lame excuses.

    But if you don't love her, that's a legitimate grievance.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I have been dating single mom for about 2 years. We are living together 1 year & 5 months. We have an age gap . Im 25 , she’s 33.
    So you moved in with her after dating her for only 5 or 6 months? If that's the case, no wonder you want out. You didn't even know her and now that you do... you don't even like her or her kid.

    Just tell her you are leaving and tell her that you will help with the rent for two months only while she looks for a place and then you're done.

    She was living just fine before you came along and she'll do just fine again when you're gone... Just give enough notice to find a place... two months notice should be sufficient. You don't have to live there while she looks... you can just leave.

    I hope you've learned a lesson about jumping into a live-in situation so quickly. If you dated for two years BEFORE you moved in, surely you knew you couldn't handle it prior to the move????

  11. #9
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    I have an idea.
    Why don't you both go to couples counseling. Not to get back together, or rekindle a relationship, but to get your concerns out and you two can work out the details of the break up. You just cant up and leave, but you can certainly give her 30 or 60 days notice to get her affairs in order.
    This way it can put your mind at ease that you are not leaving her high and dry and she has time to figure out what is next in the next chapter of her life. Then after the agreed time, you two go your own ways.

  12. #10

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    I need help. My girlfriends ex told her she still has feelings for her and now she is confused about who she wants. She says I make her so happy and she really does have feelings for me but her history with her ex, there’s a lot of it, she just can’t seem to ignore it

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