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Thread: How can I be more of a confident person? And less of a sensitive, overthinker?

  1. #1
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    How can I be more of a confident person? And less of a sensitive, overthinker?

    I hate being an awkward, shy, unconfident, sensitive overthinking loser. I want to learn to love myself and just be me. I have a friend who is outgoing and radiates confidence. My friend makes friends easily on the other hand, I struggle making friends easily and have a hard time fitting in. I care too much what others think, and I try to convince myself that i shouldn’t care, yet I still do. When people tease me I tend to take things seriously and take things personal. Any advice? How did you become a confident person?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Being afraid of what others might think and obsessing about it is usually driven by your own unforgiving nature, meaning being a hyper critical, judgmental person yourself. You fear of what you do to others will be done to you. So it's not about loving yourself, it's about learning to be kinder and more forgiving. It's about accepting that everyone has flaws and that's being human. It's about learning how to be kinder and turning off your own inner critic.

  3. #3
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    Do you have many friends and an active social life? Do you have many interests? How do you fill your time?

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    I'm an overthinker, but it's more in an analytical sense. About things like society, the universe, the meaning of life, y'know, big picture stuff. When it comes to what other people think, I don't care at all. Because I know, deep down, everyone's an a-hole. Hahaha!!! I keed, I keed. But really, don't sweat the small stuff. What other people think of me is none of my business.

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  6. #5
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    I would fake it till you make it - come up with silent mantras for yourself. At the risk of embarrassing myself, when I was dating and doing a lot of blind dates and first meets I'd often get stage fright when walking into the meeting place. I told myself "you are beautiful and glamorous and attending a tea party". One. I knew I was not beautiful or glamorous -I mean I had my moments in life when I felt that way but nope, not in that league. Two. I've only been to a few tea parties but to me they connote calm, serenity, pleasant socializing. I did this plus since i am short I made myself walk tall with a small smile on my face - not gushy just approachable. Was I being me? I guess not. But I needed that kind of push/motivation to get myself over the awkward spot. Nothing wrong with fake it till you make it IMO.

    And I agree to examine whether you're hypercritical of yourself, too. Most people are too worried about the impression they are making than how you are acting.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Are you sure I didn't write this post, peachypeach? You are me back in my day.

    I think youth and where you are at life has a lot to do with how you're feeling as of late.

    I was PAINFULLY bashful and shy all my life and I didn't know what the definition of "confidence" was. I suffered from extremely low self esteem for decades.

    Mind you, I never dated in high school nor college. I was the 'Ugly Duckling.' Therefore, I simply gave up and said, "To heck with it. I'll go my own way in life."

    Times were very bad for me, too. I financially supported my young widowed mother and younger siblings as I toiled at my miserable full time night shift job 4PM to 1AM Monday through Friday while enrolled in college full time.

    There was a supervisor in particular who took it upon himself to remove me from the company with a layoff. I was desperate and suddenly, there was no more paycheck. Another supervisor above the supervisor didn't like me either. Both of them saw to it to remove me and I was unpopular among my night shift crew because I was considered very unworldly. I didn't fit in. Therefore, I was snubbed.

    Within 24 hours of layoff, I reported to work at 6AM at my new full time day job at another department. I ascended over the years. Whenever I saw my former bosses and colleagues who mocked me when I was a nobody, I returned their same stare in the hallway. They suddenly felt very awkward because I OUTRANKED them in job position and paycheck. Talk about newfound self-confidence! They ingratiated themselves to me, visited my new office and acted as if they were my new best friends. They even gave me sappy sentimental greeting cards which I chucked in the trash bin. I was merely civil while giving them the cold shoulder. They were so cruel to me during those horrid night shift years and now that "I had arrived" and prospered, suddenly they're ingratiating themselves to me? They tried so hard to get back into my good graces to no avail. Who had the last laugh now?

    The moral of my story is, if you want to go places in this life, you need to be "selfish" about it. Stop obsessing over what other people think. Succeed and prosper in that order just like I did. Then when you're in society, you'll be pushing through an open door. Suddenly, I had suitors galore and declined them because I was so darn busy enjoying my life to the hilt.

    Success attracts success. Suddenly, I was surrounded by other winners who were doing the same thing I was; ascending in this world. I rubbed elbows with the right people socially. I eventually married up and have two amazing sons. My husband is the love of my life.

    Make yourself attractive by becoming successful. Then you will turn heads without even trying just like I did. I could care less what other people thought. I was too busy having the time of my life!

    Self confidence makes you strong and comfortable within your own skin and then you'll become completely oblivious to others. You'll ooze high self esteem and self confidence unconsciously.

    Don't put too much stock into others. Go your own way in life and then it's like bees to honey without any effort whatsoever on your part. Be your own person.

    And, make yourself interesting with your career, ascension, take good care of your health, get fit, have hobbies, intellectual pursuits and you'll have that draw. People are attracted to content, self-confident, SECURE people. When you work on yourself, you'll let your success do all the talking. You don't have to say much. Self confidence and security will give you inner priceless peace.

    I was a later bloomer and became a swan. This can be you, too, peachypeach.

  8. #7
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    Are you actually interested in other people -what makes them tick? Do you like to listen more than you talk -can you listen with the negative tape going on in your head? Today I met a new neighbor. We were in my building's business center each working but she had her 2 week old newborn with her who was coughing -sick, she told me. We chatted a bit and I asked her a few questions while respecting her need to exhale and get some work done. But then the baby spat up after a coughing fit. I pointed to the napkins near the coffee the realized I had a lot of empty plastic bags with me in my briefcase so I quietly offered her one for the sodden napkins. She thanked me and before she left said thanks again. Will we be friends? No clue - but I was out of my head enough to anticipate the small thing that would help her a lot at a messy moment. That's what it's all about but if you're stuck in your own head you'll miss those opportunities to contribute and connect.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Self love and self care are more than bubble baths and chocolates because I deserve it...

    The hard work of self love is self exploration. The crux of which is taking the time to figure out why you feel a certain way, accepting that you feel that way, sitting with yourself while feeling the way that you do, until you can release it.

    in those self exploration moments, you want to be kind to yourself. Understand why you acted a certain way or felt a certain way in a situation from a non-judgmental point if view.

    Being honest with yourself for your part in whatever. When you are honest with yourself and think thru things more thoroughly deciding why you did or felt something, you learn more about yourself.

    And that can cause you to be thoughtful in the moment, thus giving yourself more self confidence, because you know how you want to handle yourself and you are learning as you go.

    Another way it causes you to have more confidence is, it helps you hold yourself accountable to the person you want to be... confidence usually comes from knowing and knowing yourself is a good start...

    How do you start? I suggest meditation. there are many you tube videos on meditation. it cam be hard to start, but it takes practice... and the good news is- it's always practice...

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    Are you sure I didn't write this post, peachypeach? You are me back in my day.

    I think youth and where you are at life has a lot to do with how you're feeling as of late.

    I was PAINFULLY bashful and shy all my life and I didn't know what the definition of "confidence" was. I suffered from extremely low self esteem for decades.

    Mind you, I never dated in high school nor college. I was the 'Ugly Duckling.' Therefore, I simply gave up and said, "To heck with it. I'll go my own way in life."

    Times were very bad for me, too. I financially supported my young widowed mother and younger siblings as I toiled at my miserable full time night shift job 4PM to 1AM Monday through Friday while enrolled in college full time.

    There was a supervisor in particular who took it upon himself to remove me from the company with a layoff. I was desperate and suddenly, there was no more paycheck. Another supervisor above the supervisor didn't like me either. Both of them saw to it to remove me and I was unpopular among my night shift crew because I was considered very unworldly. I didn't fit in. Therefore, I was snubbed.

    Within 24 hours of layoff, I reported to work at 6AM at my new full time day job at another department. I ascended over the years. Whenever I saw my former bosses and colleagues who mocked me when I was a nobody, I returned their same stare in the hallway. They suddenly felt very awkward because I OUTRANKED them in job position and paycheck. Talk about newfound self-confidence! They ingratiated themselves to me, visited my new office and acted as if they were my new best friends. They even gave me sappy sentimental greeting cards which I chucked in the trash bin. I was merely civil while giving them the cold shoulder. They were so cruel to me during those horrid night shift years and now that "I had arrived" and prospered, suddenly they're ingratiating themselves to me? They tried so hard to get back into my good graces to no avail. Who had the last laugh now?

    The moral of my story is, if you want to go places in this life, you need to be "selfish" about it. Stop obsessing over what other people think. Succeed and prosper in that order just like I did. Then when you're in society, you'll be pushing through an open door. Suddenly, I had suitors galore and declined them because I was so darn busy enjoying my life to the hilt.

    Success attracts success. Suddenly, I was surrounded by other winners who were doing the same thing I was; ascending in this world. I rubbed elbows with the right people socially. I eventually married up and have two amazing sons. My husband is the love of my life.

    Make yourself attractive by becoming successful. Then you will turn heads without even trying just like I did. I could care less what other people thought. I was too busy having the time of my life!

    Self confidence makes you strong and comfortable within your own skin and then you'll become completely oblivious to others. You'll ooze high self esteem and self confidence unconsciously.

    Don't put too much stock into others. Go your own way in life and then it's like bees to honey without any effort whatsoever on your part. Be your own person.

    And, make yourself interesting with your career, ascension, take good care of your health, get fit, have hobbies, intellectual pursuits and you'll have that draw. People are attracted to content, self-confident, SECURE people. When you work on yourself, you'll let your success do all the talking. You don't have to say much. Self confidence and security will give you inner priceless peace.



    I was a later bloomer and became a swan. This can be you, too, peachypeach.
    Good for you!!!

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Good for you!!!
    Yes, better late than never!

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