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Thread: I know I didnít do anything but I canít stop blaming myself

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LKDag
    No, like I said, we always talk, even if itís just a Good morning/whatís up?/goodnight kind of conversation. Until literally a few days ago nothing seemed the matter. I honestly donít even know if anything is, and she just might want to be left alone for a few days (which, to be honest, is a little out of character and if nothing else, a little rude since a text takes two seconds).
    Seeing that this isn't something she normally does, or abuses, I'd give her the time she's requesting.
    Showing up and demanding a summit meeting wouldn't be a good idea.

    If she did this thing routinely, then I'd call her out on it.
    In the meantime, try to chill.

    Easy for me to say, I get it. But from where I sit I don't see a whole lot of the other options.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    OP while you may feel the conflict or disagreement was minor, clearly she did not.

    Whatever it was that happened meant more to her than it did to you.

    If you want to resolve the conflict you need to be willing to see her point of view and not push yours onto her.

    "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

  3. #13
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Personally Iíd want to be the boyfriend who was secure enough to just take her at face value and give her some space. Sometimes people hit bumps in the road or just get overwhelmed and need to ďreset.Ē

    Whatever sheís going through...SHE is going through it. Donít be a weenie who makes it all about himself.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Personally Iíd want to be the boyfriend who was secure enough to just take her at face value and give her some space. Sometimes people hit bumps in the road or just get overwhelmed and need to ďreset.Ē
    Gotta agree with this. She might just have a combination of things that are making her feel overwhelmed, unhappy. Just assume for now that things are okay with you and her and that she just needs time to clear her head about different things and not about you.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    At this watershed moment, after 3 years together, you're working toward moving in together. It's a major life change. Maybe she's been really looking at your relationship and wondering if she really still wants that. Perhaps when you were grouchy, it gave her pause, if that's a mood you regularly exhibit.

    Maybe it's not that, and something you couldn't have imagined until she tells you. Give her time to seek you out, and then you can have a heart to heart and find out what's going on. If she was just punishing you for one grouchy episode, tell her that you'd rather resolve an argument in a day than let it linger for a week, because you're supposed to be a team. You two should resolve this issue before you move in together, because it's not a pattern you want to set if you're going to have a future together. Good luck and keep us updated.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Can you elaborate on this point? What exactly did you say or do that you apologized for?

    Knowing more about what transpired between you two could help us to contextualize her current behaviour more.
    Since it is a long car drive and I had to do something minor for work at night, I wanted to leave earlier so we could be home earlier. I wasn't able to express that before she told me she wanted to go to the gym in the morning with her friend before coming to my house, meaning we'd be leaving an hour or two later than I wanted. When I asked if she could go to the gym earlier so she could get to me earlier, she said she was going the earliest the gym opened. I asked if she could skip the gym, and she didn't want to. I was kind of annoyed, so I said something along the lines of "Ok, fine, alright, whatever, I'll talk to you later" and we hung up. She texted me a little later that I can't just run away like that if I'm not getting my way. I responded that she was right and that I'm sorry.

    Thinking about my normal everyday behavior, I don't think that I am like that with any kind of regularity, so I don't think it's a case of me being like that and her reaching her limit. At least I don't see a way that it can be perceived like that. Most of the time I'm pretty conflict avoidant (since in the grand scheme of things most things don't really matter that much) and I just go with the flow of most things.

    I guess I'll know over the weekend.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by LKDag
    Since it is a long car drive and I had to do something minor for work at night, I wanted to leave earlier so we could be home earlier. I wasn't able to express that before she told me she wanted to go to the gym in the morning with her friend before coming to my house, meaning we'd be leaving an hour or two later than I wanted. When I asked if she could go to the gym earlier so she could get to me earlier, she said she was going the earliest the gym opened. I asked if she could skip the gym, and she didn't want to. I was kind of annoyed, so I said something along the lines of "Ok, fine, alright, whatever, I'll talk to you later" and we hung up. She texted me a little later that I can't just run away like that if I'm not getting my way. I responded that she was right and that I'm sorry..
    Has this sort of thing happened before?

    How has the relationship truly been going recently?

    I ask because she does sound annoyed with you, if I'm being honest. What is not clear to me is whether it's due to this specific episode or a culmination of things, perhaps which she hasn't previously clearly communicated to you.

  9. #18
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    Maybe she really didn't want to go visit her mom and/or with you.

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