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Thread: Please help me i am confused

  1. #1

    Please help me i am confused

    I met this guy 2 months after i broke up with my ex with whom i lived a wonderful story, so i wasn't looking for anything serious (i was heart broken). So i met this guy at the aeroport and he helped me with my suitcase. We stayed in touch and went on several dates from time to time but it wasn't romantic. Until one night after a movie date, he tells me that he likes me and would like to get to know me better to see if we could be together but with no rush. I liked the idea since i was just starting to get over my ex and i liked that there was no pressure. Everything was fine and i started to like him because i felt like he was honest with me and he showed me his interest in me. After a couple of months i got a job offer 4 hours away from the city where we lived, i told him and he had no special reaction to it. I tried talking to him about long distance relationships and how it would affect us, his only response was we'll see when we get there. I wasn't convinced that he would make any effort and i didn't want to be hurt again so broke up with him 2 weeks before i moved. I decided to break up because he is a very secretive man, he can push me out of his life easily when he has problems or something going on so i decided i didn't want to live that way. We stayed in touch texting from time to time. A few days before i moved, he came to my place and asked for a second chance saying that he just didn't know how to express himself but he is willing to try. I gave him his second chance and everything was great again. we'd see each other on the weekends and we'd talk everyday on the phone. Things were so great that we even talked about mariage and meeting the parents. One weird thing happened after the mariage discussion, he told me about his last relationship where he was in love and lasted 3 years, said that he is trying to get over everything and that he is almost there bust he still hasn't forgot everything. I was shocked and disappointed that he would tell me this after such a long time, he explained that him telling me about her proved that he trusts me and that he really wants to build something with me because he doesn't talk about it to anyone. RIght after that i met his sister. Then he went on a trip for a week where he didn't talk to me much saying that he had issues to solve and was really vague about it. I got angry about his lack of communication and we argued a lot he said he wanted time to think about our relationship to be sure that he really wants to be with me, and that he would like to do that alone. That hurt me a lot, we had a weekend planned at his place i decided to cancel it. 2 days before the weekend he called me asking me to come saying that it would be good to see each other and talk. I went, and i noticed that he talked a lot on the phone to one person in particular "M". He would talk to her in front of me and it seemed like a friendly conversation, but it lasts way longer than a friendly conversation and she calls him about 10 times a day even at night (really late) he answers everytime. On that weekend i was looking for something in his drawers and i found a book make by this "M". It was a birthday gift to him, she wrote reasons why she loved him, and why he is an amazing person but also all their good memories together. That's when i put 2 and 2 together and concluded that she was his ex that he talked to me about and that she was the girl that calls him all day everyday. I decided to ask him directly for the truth, he denied everything saying that "M" was never his girlfriend, and that the ex he talked to me about was now married with a kid. But i am sure that he lied. Now he says he needs to think about our relationship to see if we really are good for each other and he said he would make more efforts to make things work because he doesn't want to regret anything. i am scared that he will realise that we shouldn't be together when i am still willing to try harder for it to work. I know that if he opens we would be great together. I am not ready for another heart break. What do you think ? (Something i forgot to say at first when we just met "M" didn't call at least not as much so i never noticed it, then i noticed after a few months someone named "M" on his phone calling a lot, on the last weekend we saw each other there was no name registered with the number but i am sure it's the same person)

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    It sounds like he's cheating / playing the field. Sure, he was not serious about his relationship with you - because he has another woman to fall back on. Sure he wants to go off and be alone to think about your relationship - so he can be in the arms of the other woman.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long were you dating your ex and why did you break up? Are you scheduled for an arranged marriage?

    It was smart to end things with the rebound fling rather than attempt a LDR. Unfortunately it sounds like both of you were not ready to date anyone no less start a long distance relationship or talk marriage. Let him go.

    Try to relax and not jump from one heartache right into the next.
    Originally Posted by hamidsoussi3
    I met this guy 2 months after i broke up with my ex with whom i lived a wonderful story, so i wasn't looking for anything serious (i was heart broken).

    After a couple of months i got a job offer 4 hours away from the city where we lived, so broke up with him 2 weeks before i moved. One weird thing happened after the mariage discussion

  4. #4
    I was dating my ex for a year, he broke up because he had a lot of things going on and said he didn't want to involve me in his problems, nope no arranged marriage.

    With my current boyfriend, he doesn't take any decisions except when i take them. For exemple if i say we should break up he'd say yes if it's what you want then if i decide i don't want to break up anymore he'd say yes i will do better from now on. Now he is tired of taking about us, everytime i bring up the subject he says we'll talk later or ok say what you want to say and he won't react or answer my questions.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He is passively backing out of the relationship and losing interest. He is just saying whatever, but is completely checked out. Is there someone else? You need to end things. He is wasting your time just coasting along and stringing you along. It's up to you to make a cohesive plan about your life, your future, your dating, your relationship and marriage. You are talking at him not with him..
    Originally Posted by hamidsoussi3
    Now he is tired of taking about us, everytime i bring up the subject he says we'll talk later or ok say what you want to say and he won't react or answer my questions.

  7. #6
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    Lots of drama for only 60 days in. Not to mention neither of you are over your last relationships.

    And it sounds like whenever you’re onto his lies he pulls the, “I need to think about if we can be together” card to play the victim and pull you off the trail, making you doubt yourself and consider how you could “be better” instead of addressing his responsibility for some of this.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Just dump him and find someone where you live. This guy isn't invested in you at all by the sounds of things but he'll schtuup you on a part time basis if you let him.

    If you respond past one sentence... please, please use proper paragraphs. Your opening post was very hard to read as one big wall of text.


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