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Thread: Feels like I've finally found love in a very unusual place..

  1. #1
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    Feels like I've finally found love in a very unusual place..

    First off I just wanna say up until a few days ago I started sharing on here and man does it feel great to get some of my "problems " out. I do have a very understanding family and some really good friends but I've just always been one to try to stay positive and keep all of my personal feelings and struggles in. I think this is a great platform for doing it, or well at least for me.. As said I've posted on here recently a couple of times over the last couple of days and I dont want to get into a few of those subjects. I guess my reason for writing this today is I have no idea why I feel I'm incapable of being in a true loving relationship. I'm going through a separation with my wife of five years and to be honest and short I'm really not sure if we ever truly loved each other.. I've talked with her about it and we can almost agree that we probably moved way too fast, and I personally think we just needed each other at the time. I can't say our time together was wasted, but it's been a real struggle these last few years.. Anyway, before her I had been in a few relationships that lasted up to maybe three months at the very longest. I'm 33 yrs old and man I really can't seem to get this right.. About six months ago right around the time my soon to be ex wife were on the brink of separation, I met someone who just for whatever reason makes me feel incredible. It's so much what she's done for me but just who she is. I feel this tremendous energy and she's been all I can think about since the day we met. In my 33 years of life I can't say I've ever felt this way for anyone. I've expressed my feelings for her to her and well unfortunately for me the feelings aren't mutual. I guess normally any person with good common sense would move on though as hard as it is to do so. And this is where I'm sure most of you that's reading this will start to roll your eyes, she's an exotic dancer. I'm not one to judge anyone in the profession she's in, I just know that it doesn't reflect well on me. I'm sure it's happened plenty of times to guys in the past, and NO (my right hand to God) she is not the reason for me separating with my wife. In fact I'm almost sure that I have no romantic future with the dancer/entertainer. My point for posting this is just I feel like idk why these strong feelings for her exist? I feel her and I share a few key things in common. I have seen glimpses of who she really is, and she's allowed me to see some of her personal life that idk why resonates with me. I also feel like her life's a mess and (even though mine is too)
    I want to help her. She to me is like a damsel in distress and I just want to help her. She's a very beautiful woman but that's not the only thing I find attractive about her. And for the record I've been around many other beautiful women and have a few attractive female friends and so fourth. In other words it's not a case of me just being in complete awe of her physique and I don't know my way around women that I find attractive. I'm a reasonably confident man with mild insecurities and I'm working on bettering myself. I'm a very caring person or at least I'm told, hell I feel silly writing all this should Australia is suffering from wild fires and we're on the brink of war possibly.. I've made it so to where I'm available to her at any given time, if she needs anything money or food I am more than happy to provide. It is a rather one sided relationship though I feel I reap benefits from her emotionally and what not. Everytime I do buy her something she seems to open up the door into her life just a bit more and I can't help myself but to keep doing so because I very much feel in love with this woman. I don't know what a romantic loving relationship looks like. I can only dream that this fantasy I have of her and I ending up together would one day come true. I feel as though I could wait many years on her back burner possibly as a friend till then. Even if it never happens (which I'm almost sure it won't) I could spend the rest of my life loving this woman.. I know I'm may seem a fool and probably am one, and I'm at the will of the internet though my feelings aren't easily hurt but it's quite honestly how I feel. I've always lived my life unconventionally, dwelling in music and books and movies (though all quite common things to do) I much rather prefer life to be fantasy rather than living in reality. And I'm going to take a step further to say that I could totally be her Forest Gump and live my whole life (keeping busy but) loving her. I'm not sure I'm capable of finding what it is I find in her in anyone else.. Now don't get me wrong if the day were to come where she asks me to stay out of her life I wouldn't ever contact her again. I know I may seem crazy but I'm not that kind of crazy. Again I'm 33 and though I know this isn't the way love works, I am afraid of walking out of her life and never experiencing it again.. Thank you for your time

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gmx49
    My point for posting this is just I feel like idk why these strong feelings for her exist?
    I know why: Hormones. Plain and simple.

    All that other stuff... Well, you said it yourself. You enjoy flights of fancy.

    Sounds like a win/win for you.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gmx49
    In fact I'm almost sure that I have no romantic future with the dancer/entertainer.

    Everytime I do buy her something she seems to open up the door into her life just a bit more and I can't help myself but to keep doing so because I very much feel in love with this woman.
    Not sure if you are just feeling out for some logical explanations or seeking advice but these two statements above concern me personally.

    Be careful with your finances. I'd hate to hear that she is using you for money. As you said "Her life is a mess", so be cautious that you don't inherit this mess.
    More importantly, Love should be given freely and openly and it's what all humans need. But be careful with your heart as you can get hurt.

    Best wishes

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Oh gosh, not another exotic dancer. We just had one of these posts the other day. You guys need to stay away from these places and find a real girlfriend.

    Find a woman who's better than you and who actually loves you - and you might have a chance at a good relationship.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Oh gosh, not another exotic dancer. We just had one of these posts the other day. You guys need to stay away from these places and find a real girlfriend.

    Find a woman who's better than you and who actually loves you - and you might have a chance at a good relationship.
    That's because the other thread was posted by this same person.
    [Register to see the link]

    He's posted this twice.

    OP, why start another thread about the exact same topic?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    My advice remains the same as the thread about divorcing your gf, that you state is not really your wife: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Gmx49
    I have no idea why I feel I'm incapable of being in a true loving relationship.
    I'm 33 yrs old and man I really can't seem to get this right.. A
    In my 33 years of life I can't say I've ever felt this way for anyone.
    I have no romantic future with the dancer/entertainer.

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    My apologies for posting this twice. I'm posting this through my cell phone since my laptop is not working. I thought the original post was lost, I'm still new to this open forum stuff. Better without I'm just kind of putting this out there since I've decided it best not to share with family and friends. I think this is a great outlet for me so far just hearing out different perspectives. I figured I'd throw stuff up at the fan to see what comes out and see if anything sticks. Thanks for the responses

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You may want to run it by a therapist. That way it's confidential and your live-in gf and the general public can not read all the sordid details of your strip club crushes. You may think it's some deep dark secret but people see you in these places.
    Originally Posted by Gmx49
    I've decided it best not to share with family and friends.

  10. #9
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    Wiseman though we were not married through the eyes of the state of texas, we held a private ceremony amongst family and friends and considered one another husband and wife. I'm not sure what advice you are referring to as I addressed both of your responses to help clarify.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    I just can't keep up with all these crazy peeps!

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