Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Even worse treatment... post break-up? Advice please

  1. #1

    Even worse treatment... post break-up? Advice please

    Hi all,

    I used this website around September last year seeking advice on whether breaking up with my ex was objectively a good idea for me and now i wanted to hit you all with a further conundrum.
    (See my previous post if you want more of an insight).

    Anyway - i ended up breaking things off with him shortly after this. But i still go to university with him and we study the same degree, live down the same road etc so i thought it would be best to take the high road and to try to remain somewhat civil.

    He messaged me quite frequently, about random stuff, to which i would either ignore or be blunt to and i had some inappropriate texts from him/requests in person about having a causal relationship (no?) to which i obviously declined. Over time, I kind of almost started to enjoy being friends though, it was nice and we hung out without all the relationship upset. Fast forward to around mid-november when he tells me that he "can't be too close with me because he doesn't want to upset me if he starts to move on" and that he can "easily detach himself from emotional situations" (?). So i'm like okay, yeah sure and went home for Christmas.

    Over Christmas he messages me quite frequently, especially on Christmas day thanking me and my family for lovely past christmasses and that he will miss it dearly. Then he sent me a couple of memes in the days between Xmas and NY.

    Fast forward to New Years Eve and i find out through a friend that he is seeing someone and took her to a party a lot of my friends/our friends were at/hosted.

    I just wanted some advice because although i dont want to be with him, knowing he is with someone else like a month after he was asking to sleep with me/only a few months after we broke up is really hurting me inside and i dont want to hurt anymore. Plus some of our friends are mutual and i saw a photo of him and new 'girl' laughing and looking really happy and its playing on my mind lol.

    I feel as though if i wasn't at uni with him it would be so much easier but its now like i have to have constant reminder of this AND he treated me so badly in the relationship, during the breakup and after? Can i catch a break? How comes he gets to be so happy and moving on while i'm recovering from all of this.

    Please do offer some advice - muchos appreciation.
    Last edited by troubledsurf; 01-13-2020 at 07:12 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    Land of Wind & Ghosts
    Posts
    1,589
    This is why some people suggest cutting contact with an ex. It sounds harsh on the surface but is sometimes necessary to move on with your life.

  3. #3
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    881
    Gender
    Male
    Yeah just block and delete. He's free to see anyone he wants since you ended things so if it's going to upset you best thing to do is minimise the amount of him and her you see.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    36,584
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. "Civil" is being polite and that's it. "The high road" is having boundaries and the dignity to walk away cleanly, not dragging out the breakup through nonsense texting. Stop texting. By allowing this you are inviting and encouraging bad treatment and nonsense.

    You should have moved on by now treating him like any other student and enjoying your friends, classes, groups, clubs, sports and dating other guys. You should have no time for this. Block and delete him.
    Originally Posted by troubledsurf
    i thought it would be best to take the high road and to try to remain somewhat civil.

    He messaged me quite frequently and i had some inappropriate texts from him/requests in person about having a causal relationship.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,070
    Feel sorry for the girl. You know she's not getting any prize here.

    He's going to eventually treat her the way he did you and make her feel like a burden and like a nothing and be just as careless as he was with you.

    Try to remember how he made you feel. How he spoke so badly to you and talked down to you. YOU DON"T NEED THAT KIND OF MAN IN YOUR LIFE.
    He's not worth it. Not worth your tears, not worth your upset and definitely not worth your love.

    You need to focus on who he really is and why you broke up with him. You know he made you feel awful.
    Try to remind yourself of that and to concentrate on what the future holds. A better man, one who will treat you right.

    Be glad you got rid of this jerk.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,116
    Gender
    Female
    He was a jerk to you and you can rest assured that he didn't just get a personality transplant with her. So yeah, kind of feel sorry for the new chic, but hey, she is free to learn who he is for herself.

    As for you, stop lying to yourself that you need to stay in touch with him. Unless your uni only has 10 people in it, time for you to spread your wings and leave garbage in the dump. Just because you live nearby doesn't mean you have to speak with him, let alone put up with his texting. The very reason you aren't further along in healing and moving on is because you haven't allowed it yourself. You keep talking to him hoping that somehow he'll be a better person, regret the break up, acknowledge his wrongs, feel bad about how he treated you. You might as well be wishing that a lion turn into a lamb. It's not going to happen. Jerks are just jerks.

    Stop with the chatting and texting. Civil means a polite head nod should you pass each other by. Noting more. If you share too many common friends, get new friends. You are at uni after all. Time to branch out more. Even if you find yourself at the same parties as him, there is no reason to talk to him or play buddies or anything really. Focus on your friends, focus on meeting/talking to new people, other guys. You literally do not even owe him a hello unless he approaches you and even then, you can nod hello and turn your back on him and dismiss him. Learn some boundaries. What you call the "high road" is not what you are doing, you are just being masochistic instead. Stop it.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,138
    Gender
    Female
    You really need to block and delete him every way possible, from your phone and social media. That will go a long way to help you get over this guy. Please do that now, not later.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,672
    You broke up with him....

    What did you expect? Him to join a convent until you were ready to let him fly?

    And heís the jerk?!?!

    Am I missing something here? Maybe I need to read the other post cause I donít get how heís in the wrong for dating when heís single while the ex who broke up with him wanted to keep him around to hover as an ego boost.

    ETA - so I read your other post. Iím guessing based on your actions post break up and the title of this post you broke up as a bargaining chip, as a Hail Mary, as manipulation and not to actually break up because you were done. Never, never, never, break up to get a reaction from someone, you break up because you are done and no longer want to be with that person and as pretty much everyone else is saying when itís over, itís over, just because you have classes together doesnít mean you HAVE to stay in contact, do you stay in contact with the random kid who sits behind you? Of course not, thatís silly.

    Youíre in game playing territory at this point which is only going to break your heart and stunt your healing. Like the others advised, block, delete, avoid at school, heal. You made the choice to break up, respect him and yourself by sticking by it, stop trying to keep your feet in the shallow end of the pool, you chose to stop swimming so you have to get out of the pool. It hurts but itís all part of the process
    Last edited by figureitout23; 01-13-2020 at 12:43 PM.

  10. #9
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    881
    Gender
    Male
    OP was in a relationship with a guy who didn't sound too great and she ended it, rightfully so. I just don't understand why there was no social media block and delete.

    Once you end things with him he can do what he wants. It's that simple.

  11. #10
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    16,865
    Gender
    Female
    I think "FIO's" advice was right on target.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •