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Thread: 8.5 years together with no engagement

  1. #1
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    8.5 years together with no engagement

    I've been with my boyfriend for 8.5 years. We have lived together for 6.5 years (I am 30 btw). When we were in the early years of our relationship my bf told me he wanted to propose at around the 2 year mark but I told him to wait until I finished grad school as I didn't want to be engaged and plan a wedding while in school. I graduated last May 2019 and in the summertime we went on a vacation during which I thought he would propose. I realized that he didn't know what kind of ring I wanted, which isn't really his fault as neither did I. I had never really thought much about an engagement ring so we went ring shopping/browsing and after I realized what I liked I shared photos with him to help give him an idea. He later asked for my ring size, stone shape that I preferred, etc., and told me that sometime before Christmas he would propose.

    A few weeks before Christmas his one friend told me that my bf would be proposing by Christmas time--his friend told me this without me even asking. Christmas has come and gone and there is no proposal. Should I bring this up to my bf again? I am not an overly obsessive person when it comes to marriage, but if we plan to get married I would like to do it sooner than later as I want to start a family in the next few years (as does my bf). I would propose myself but I don't want to potentially ruin anything he has planned. Thank you for any advice! - Rochelle

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Why don't you just tell him that his so called friend (big mouth) told you that you would be engaged by Christmas and you're wondering why you aren't?

    Kidding..

    sort of...

    Two choices you have. Wait it out or ask him when he wants to get married.

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    You're right, I could just ask him when he wants to be married by, which could give me some answers. thx

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Good luck... maybe he's waiting for another milestone to propose?

    His friend shouldn't have said anything... it wasn't his place to tell you that. Now you're on pins and needles waiting.

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  6. 01-12-2020, 10:45 PM


  7. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Why don't you just tell him that his so called friend (big mouth) told you that you would be engaged by Christmas and you're wondering why you aren't?
    Agree. Mention what the friend said. Even if your boyfriend has something planned, he doesn't have to tell you what, just that something is or isn't on the way.

    Communication is key. Just talk to each other.

  8. #6
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Have a nice, kind, calm discussion with your boyfriend, Rochelle. Be completely honest with him and tell him how you feel. You have every right to know what his intentions are. You're not overly obsessive. 8.5 years together is a long time. You have every right to know if a proposal is in the near future or if you're just the girlfriend forever.

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    Maybe, he has something planned for Valentine's Day.

  10. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I think surprises are overrated. My husband and I discussed marriage and picked out rings together. No pomp and circumstance. No proposal. Maybe even with photos and all the info, he's still anxious to get exactly what you want. I know my husband gets stressed at Christmas with anxiety of what he's going to give me. I basically tell him exactly what to buy and I don't care that I know what I'm getting. If it takes away his anxiety, I don't care.

    If you have a particular month you want to get married in, tell him, and that you need time to plan before that. Ask him if he's more comfortable going ring shopping together and foregoing a surprise proposal. If you can't comfortably discuss all of this after being together almost 9 years, then really how strong is the relationship? I'd rather get the exact ring I want than for it to be a surprise and perhaps he misunderstood what I wanted in a ring that I have to wear forever. That's me though, and others might want a fairy tale proposal. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  11. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I think surprises are overrated. My husband and I discussed marriage and picked out rings together.
    Right?

    Plus after 8.5 years, it's not a surprise, it's expected. My advice is to just talk to him and find out what you both want to do.

  12. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Is he just coasting along? He knows that you want to get married, but seems to be using the karat and stick approach with you. Are you sure he even wants a future with you specifically not just "one day I want a family".

    It seems you have very poor communication and are not on the same page. What's more important to you, being married or a ring, proposal etc. Unfortunately you have no leverage, so what are your alternatives?
    Originally Posted by rloughty
    I've been with my boyfriend for 8.5 years. told me that sometime before Christmas he would propose. if we plan to get married I would like to do it sooner than later as I want to start a family in the next few years

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