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Thread: 8.5 years together with no engagement

  1. #21
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    I agree! thx
    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    P.S. never cut off/use sex as a bargaining tool. it does NOTHING to keep you both emotionally connected when you pull stunts like that.

  2. #22
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    Thank you for your reply but wow! I feel like this post was slightly morbid--I was NOT expecting that and I am so incredibly sorry for your friend but glad she is ok. Anyway, we have discussed a wedding, we want to do destination, we have friends and family all over the world and this suites our personality best. I don't want to actually get married until at least 1.5-2 years from now but since we have decided destination I would assume we should figure out venues, etc., so we can send out save the dates within 6mo-1y so people can schedule it if they plan to attend and need time off work.

    Originally Posted by Batya33
    You seem a wee bit too focused on the ring and the party. After all this time together and living together here is what I would do. Ask him when he wants to be married by -meaning if not the actual date then the month. Hopefully the date will be within 6 months. Then when you have the date plan on the ring -either go shopping with him or otherwise or show him what you like if he asks. Then I'd plan to get married and then after that you can plan a party to celebrate the marriage within the year.

    If you are set on a wedding reception that is large and takes a lot of time to plan I'd suggest you reevaluate why that is so important to you.

    I'll share two examples. I got engaged around October 10 and married the first weekend of December (over 10 years ago). We had an awesome wedding and small celebration. My friend got engaged first week of November (a few years before I did) and two days later was run over by a city bus. She was hospitalized and in rehab for months. She planned her wedding while she was in rehab. They had a large party -very fancy -and got married in September. She told us she planned the whole thing in about 8 weeks. While in pain after her accident. Don't let a focus on the party make you lose sight of your goal of being his wife.

  3. #23
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    yeah I don't know if I agree with Gar. My bf has been asking me more about marriage than I have. I have never thought much of it as I was very focused on our life living together, the adventures and travels we always do, as well as my education. But now that my schooling is complete I feel I am ready to move forward with our relationship. I suppose I should just talk this through with him in more depth. thx!

    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Sorry, Gar, but that's not a true statement.

    I remember one man I dated very briefly years back, was desperate to get married. He started talking about it on the second date! It freaked me out so much that there was no more dates.

    I have had women friends whose boyfriends were pressuring them to become more serious and as well had men friends who were depressed that they couldn't find a wife.

    So not all men are cut from the same cloth. There's lots out there who want a spouse.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by rloughty
    Thank you for your reply but wow! I feel like this post was slightly morbid--I was NOT expecting that and I am so incredibly sorry for your friend but glad she is ok. Anyway, we have discussed a wedding, we want to do destination, we have friends and family all over the world and this suites our personality best. I don't want to actually get married until at least 1.5-2 years from now but since we have decided destination I would assume we should figure out venues, etc., so we can send out save the dates within 6mo-1y so people can schedule it if they plan to attend and need time off work.
    Well no not morbid -they did marry and they have an awesome son.
    It sounds like the reception and how it's planned and the location is very important to you and your boyfriend and you're happy to wait years to get married to have the type of party you two want. In my head the party has nothing to do with the desire to be married or getting married so it's hard for me to relate to this type of focus/prioritizing (I guess teenagers yes - my mother and my high school friend each had very long engagements because they got engaged as teenagers and needed to finish school first). I am not judging it just I can respond about marriage and weddings - I planned a huge wedding reception once for a couple of months but we didn't get married -and I have many friends who prioritized a certain kind of party and waited to get married for over a year to have what they wanted to celebrate their marriage - but that to me is about party planning not about marriage).

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