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Thread: 8.5 years together with no engagement

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    This story sounds familiar. I think a lot of women were expecting a ring on Christmas.

    I hate to tell you this, but men are often not as interested in marriage as women. However, many men will come along in time. Don't be so quick to throw in the towel.

    It's only been a few weeks. You've waited this long.........give it some more time.

    If nothing happens in a few months, talk to him. If that does not work, you can pull out the big guns - leave him for awhile or cut off sex. Perhaps then, when he realizes he has something to lose, he'll finally see the light.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by desree
    I would wait a couple of months. Give him some time. If within 2 months I would ask him then. I know you want marriage but play it cool and don't be too pushy. Sometimes the road less traveled will lead you to you destination. Have some patience and I know that's easier said than done.
    8.5 years of dating/living together and two years since she graduated and you suggest she wait even longer? Okay!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    8.5 years of dating/living together and two years since she graduated and you suggest she wait even longer? Okay!
    P.S. never cut off/use sex as a bargaining tool. it does NOTHING to keep you both emotionally connected when you pull stunts like that.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    It's a leap year so you could go ahead and ask him!

    Is your birthday coming up soon?

    You need to talk to him about this.

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  6. #15
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    You seem a wee bit too focused on the ring and the party. After all this time together and living together here is what I would do. Ask him when he wants to be married by -meaning if not the actual date then the month. Hopefully the date will be within 6 months. Then when you have the date plan on the ring -either go shopping with him or otherwise or show him what you like if he asks. Then I'd plan to get married and then after that you can plan a party to celebrate the marriage within the year.

    If you are set on a wedding reception that is large and takes a lot of time to plan I'd suggest you reevaluate why that is so important to you.

    I'll share two examples. I got engaged around October 10 and married the first weekend of December (over 10 years ago). We had an awesome wedding and small celebration. My friend got engaged first week of November (a few years before I did) and two days later was run over by a city bus. She was hospitalized and in rehab for months. She planned her wedding while she was in rehab. They had a large party -very fancy -and got married in September. She told us she planned the whole thing in about 8 weeks. While in pain after her accident. Don't let a focus on the party make you lose sight of your goal of being his wife.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    P.S. never cut off/use sex as a bargaining tool. it does NOTHING to keep you both emotionally connected when you pull stunts like that.
    I agree. Childish manipulative tantrum throwing or punitive actions have no place in a mature, loving and respectful relationship.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I hate to tell you this, but men are often not as interested in marriage as women.
    Sorry, Gar, but that's not a true statement.

    I remember one man I dated very briefly years back, was desperate to get married. He started talking about it on the second date! It freaked me out so much that there was no more dates.

    I have had women friends whose boyfriends were pressuring them to become more serious and as well had men friends who were depressed that they couldn't find a wife.

    So not all men are cut from the same cloth. There's lots out there who want a spouse.

  9. #18
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    I see what you are saying. I suppose what I forgot to mention was that in the fall, we made a large move from the west coast of North America to the East coast. We did this for our jobs and our families are on the east coast (we moved out west 6.5 years ago for my education).

    Can you clarify as to how I have no leverage? Thank you!
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Is he just coasting along? He knows that you want to get married, but seems to be using the karat and stick approach with you. Are you sure he even wants a future with you specifically not just "one day I want a family".

    It seems you have very poor communication and are not on the same page. What's more important to you, being married or a ring, proposal etc. Unfortunately you have no leverage, so what are your alternatives?

  10. #19
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    I agree! thx

  11. #20
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    haha my dad's birthday is on the leap year so I hope not! I also personally would not want to be proposed on a holiday/occasion... not quite my taste!
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    It's a leap year so you could go ahead and ask him!

    Is your birthday coming up soon?

    You need to talk to him about this.

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