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Thread: Husband (extrovert) wants me (introvert) to be something Iím not.

  1. #1

    Husband (extrovert) wants me (introvert) to be something Iím not.

    We've been married a bit over 4 years now. This hasnít been an issue in the past, but itís recently been becoming more and more of an issue every day. Iím very shy, not at all a people person. Iím civil and polite to others at all times but I will never go out of my way to strike up a conversation with a stranger. My husband is the exact opposite. When we were dating heíd tell me that he would go out to bars and clubs and make aggressive eye contact with strangers as way to make new friends. I admired that but, to me, that sounds horrifying.
    My husband had become a regular customer at a strip club near our house (I donít have an issue with the club) and has been insisting that I tag along. I am not a ďclubĒ or ďbar personĒ, the idea of hanging out with drunk horny men and half naked women literally makes me sick. Iíve told my husband numerous times that there is no way Iíll ever go to a strip club and heís just not getting it. Heís bringing it multiple times a day now, saying things like ďone day Iíll buy you a lap danceĒ and it just makes me want to cry. Today we got into a fight and the cliff notes of the fight are that my husband feels I need to be a more social person. Now, heís not totally wrong. I am extremely un social. But, I feel like heís taking it to an extreme here. I donít feel like I should HAVE to go to a strip club with my husband in an effort to be more social. In fact, I donít feel like I have to go to a strip club at all. Most importantly though, I feel like Iím taking crazy pills because my husband whole heartily disagrees with me and itís becoming an issue in our marriage. I want to find a middle ground for us to both enjoy but itís proving to be difficult and all options lead to me talking to people pretty much no matter what. Iím basically the bad guy in this situation and thereís nothing I can do about it.
    Any advice is appreciated.
    I mostly just want to get this off my chest as I have no desire to talk to other humans about this.

    Thank you in advance.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    What kind of total a** is he? This is a low grade man and he's trying to pull you down to his level.
    He goes to a strip club when he has a wife? What a winner. Then he tries to force it onto you. He's not a nice man at all.

    Stop letting him bully you. Tell him NO and mean it.

    As for "crazy pills"...do you mean something like antidepressants? Those aren't "crazy pills" they are pharmaceuticals meant to help people and they can be fantastic if they work well.
    No shame in taking them as they are no different than any other kind of medicine a person might require.

    However, if you are taking them because your husband is making you this unhappy, then perhaps it's time to evaluate your marriage.
    Counselling is the first place to consider, marriage and personal.

    I'm sorry some men behave badly like this and I am sorry you have to deal with it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I'm going to assume that he, the bully, targeted you because he saw you as the target he likes to prey upon. Someone he thinks he can manipulate. Someone he likely sees who has low self esteem. The people in the strip joint make you sick, but your husband frequenting the place and having fantasies of a stripper giving you a lap dance doesn't make you feel sick that you've married someone like this?

    You could only pick one man on the planet for a lifetime partner, and he is who you picked? I don't think you think very highly of yourself if this is who you think you deserve for your one precious life on the planet. My advice is to divorce him and then do whatever it takes to get to a healthy self esteem so that your man picker improves. I'm very sorry you're being treated this way, but you're in the driver's seat, so you choose how your life goes and who is allowed to stay in it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Surely he knew just how anti social you are before he married you, so I wonder what's going on now that this is such a big deal to him. What's your theory on that? Somehow you have to sit him down and tell him plainly and clearly that NO you will not be going to a strip club with him and that he needs to stop bugging you to go. Have you tried walking away from him when this topic comes up?

    I didnt think you were taking any crazy pills or other meds, I read it that you felt so confused and angry and annoyed, and totally not like your usual self.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Have both of you attend professional marriage counseling.

  7. #6
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    This doesn't sound like an extrovert/introvert struggle.

    This sounds like a man trying to bully his wife into some sort of sexual fantasy that she is uncomfortable with. It is ludicrous that he is trying to force you into a strip club, OP. That isn't about being "social."

    My guess is that this is not the first time he has been a boundary-buster and attempted to bulldoze you into submission; am I correct?

  8. #7
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    ď the idea of hanging out with drunk horny men and half naked women literally makes me sick.Ē

    But you hang out with this man at home!?
    It sounds to me that your husband is the socially inept one.
    He is a regular at a club where the majority of customers are exactly like your husband. So he just simply blends in but Iím guessing sits there alone mostly and has no friends there.

    Do you have friends? That you hang out with?

    How about you tell your husband that you will go to the strip club for a month but for that month he needs to do what you normally do in that time!?
    See what he says to that lol

    Do you even like this man?

  9. #8
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    Why is it okay for him to be a regular at a strip club? Once or twice a year, but a regular. You allow this?!

    This man does not respect you at all. He sounds like a complete jerk and bully! I don't get what you could possibly see in him. He sounds obnoxious and awful.

    You sound like you have no self worth. Has he torn you down to the place you are at now?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 01-12-2020 at 02:53 AM.

  10. #9
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    Have you shared your husband's activities with friends and family? If not, why? "My husband had become a regular customer at a strip club near our house (I donít have an issue with the club)"

    What you are tolerating is very disturbing.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 01-12-2020 at 03:24 AM.

  11. #10
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    There are infinite ways to be more social that do not involve going to a strip club. You could take up a new hobby together, join a club/Meetup group, go out more to restaurants or concerts... instead he thinks he should have it all his own way by forcing you to go somewhere which many women would object to, married or not. He has always known full well that you are not the social type, so is he coming out with this rubbish because he knows you won't agree or that it will make you more miserable, thus giving him an excuse (a pathetic one, mind) to end the marriage? The fact your marriage has led to you taking medication to cope with it is a sign that you really should be looking after your own needs and putting a stop to what is going on. After all, your husband is very good at looking after HIS own needs, isn't he...

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