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Thread: Husband (extrovert) wants me (introvert) to be something Iím not.

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Marriage therapy could help you lay all the cards on the table and sort some things out. Personal confidential therapy would help you sort out the wisdom of him wasting a great deal of time money to get an erection. This has nothing to do with introverts/extroverts. It has to do with intense sexual incompatibilities.

    Your marriage is in peril, not because you don't like strip clubs but because you are quickly drifting apart as he gets extremely involved in this expensive hobby. It is doing nothing for your marriage, sex, finances or emotional intimacy, in fact it's quite destructive. Agree he seems to be a tad abuse.

    He sounds like someone you should consider divorcing before your house and kids college education ends up in some dancer's g-string.
    Originally Posted by Chipsbusy
    My husband had become a regular customer at a strip club near our house and has been insisting that I tag along.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    If he goes to strip clubs, forget the strip club dates - he should be lucky you are still with him at all.

    He's not an extrovert, he's a control freak.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Sorry girl but husbands are supposed to be supportive, understanding, and loving...he's a narcissist/misogynist. He has absolutely no respect for you. This is divorce worthy.

  4. #14
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    All of this and I do not get at all how making aggressive eye contact with strangers has anything at all to do with making new friends. Sounds like the opposite to me.

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  6. #15
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    Reading your message made me cringe. It reminded me of my ex who was into BDSM. He tried for years to get me to like these practices (although not 24/7). I tried numerous times to do these things for him but I found some things so bizarre, disgusting, stressful and very disturbing. But hey, to each his own; I'm not judging. I didn't do these things much at first because we had two small children so my time was very limited, and he had/has a very demanding job. As the kids got older, he would buy me books on the subject, buy toys, occasionally built contraptions, have talks with me, etc. He even made a list of things he enjoyed! Believe me, I tried to compromise but it's not my cup of tea. He continued to harp on the subject even though I explained numerous times that these things were not enjoyable for me. After the kids graduated high school, he became more insistent. Heck, he actually said that if I didn't do these things he'd serve me with papers, without prior warning. That was three years ago. I walked on eggshells after that, forcing myself to partake in these activities. But, that wasn't good enough for him. Guess this doesn't say much about me. Do NOT do something that you don't enjoy or makes you uncomfortable, please. Be true to yourself.

    I told you my story because I don't want you to wind up with a divorce, or worse, stay in a very stressful and toxic marriage like I did. He is disrespectful and emotionally abusive. You need to get the courage to speak up for yourself and mean it. Don't make the mistake that I made by not putting my foot down. As smackie said, husbands should be supportive, understanding and loving. If a spouse accepts that such practices are so very upsetting to you, then he/she should stop forcing the respective spouse. Period. Perhaps you should try couples counselling or sex counselling. It might shed some light as to why he is trying to change you. And, going to a strip club? Really??? What a ridiculous bully he is. There are other ways to become more of an extrovert. Sorry to say, but your husband has some serious issues he needs to address. I hope things work out for you, one way or another.

  7. #16
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    Whoa.
    Its one thing to be cool with a guy who is dragged along to a strip club to a bachelor party, its another to be married to a "regular".
    One of my guy's coworkers used to disappear for a 2 hours lunch to go have lunch at the strip club because they had "Great steaks" while everyone else brought their lunch or ordered from around the corner. He finally quit going because he was easily spending $800 a week there. About $100 in food, and the rest he would get carried away with giving the girls money or what have you. Those singles and 20s' add up. He was going broke.

    I really, really would look over your finances. This is not a $10 latte or a beer just to be sociable with the pals. There has to be a lot of money missig.

    I was married to a guy who wasn't a regular but he wanted me to go with him (i refused). Bottom line is his motive was to entice me to a threesome or to see if i had an attraction because he wanted out and he had a girlfriend who cheated on him with a woman. He could have just broken up wth me but he was so convinced that women were not trustworthy/marriage doesn't work and all women like other women (i have no desire whatsoever for women), that he wanted to test me.

    So much wrong with all of this

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately he sounds more perverted than extroverted.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately he sounds more perverted than extroverted.
    VERY good point, Wiseman!!! Couldn't agree with you more!

  10. #19
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    I'd just agree with everyone who says he's a bullying, manipulative pervert. It's got nothing to do with you being introverted, and don't let him think there's anything wrong with that. Correction - don't let YOU think there's anything wrong with that. It's also extremely ironic that you end up being the bad guy, but it is indicative of how twisted his perceptions are...!

    Goddess - this made me laugh my socks off:
    Heck, he actually said that if I didn't do these things he'd serve me with papers, without prior warning.
    I'd love to see what his grounds for divorce would be. Sounds like the kind of interview the lawyer would record, only to play to his mates later over a couple of bottles of wine!

    To the OP: not only are you tolerating unacceptable behaviour from you husband, but you are suffering because you refuse to indulge in it yourself. You don't say how he's financing his little adventures, but it won't be to the advantage of your joint household. If I were you, I'd get legal advice and see what your options are. Could you see yourself tolerating this sort of rubbish for the next five, ten, twenty years? Do you have children/want children at any point in the future? If so, would you want to bring them into this?

    You can't change him. He isn't interested in meeting you half way. Unfortunately, your only option is to put your own interests first, so you need to find out what your next steps should be.

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