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Thread: My bf's porn addiction is ruining my confidence..

  1. #1

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    My bf's porn addiction is ruining my confidence..

    Firstly outside of this our relationship is 100% amazing. About 9 months ago I discovered he's been masturbating over exes, his best friend (female), our friends and not just porn. He has lied to me so many times about all of it, deleting history, hidden photo apps, hidden files etc.. and long story short after 3 months he admitted to having a porn addiction. We worked together for 3 weeks but he just tried to hide it better. So we gave up. Then it got worse as at every opportunity he would look at porn, even when I'm home, even when I was/am available for sex, even though I have a high sex drive.... He would even go to work early just to get a quick session in before work.. Multiple times at work, after work before coming home etc etc..... I've about got use to it. I even turned it into a kink since he won't stop it. He doesn't want too. Despite my suicide attempt, me leaving him, all the fights........ So lately, as said, its become a kink.. For the last few months he would tell me when he's been 'naughty' and what over..
    Often when I try to be sexual when he's at work and he will go off and look at other women and just leave me hanging.. I'd get a aftermath pic and I'm just sat waiting but hea done.. It started we would look together, share links, watch it on TV while.. etc etc.. And it's been amazing, while now it's become we can't just have sex either I have to dress up, we role play I'm someone else or we watch porn, or I'm not involved at all. It's become all about him. This past few weeks he's not even seemed interested in me at all. Tonight we snuggled up in bed and put a film on, I tried to be sexual with him and he said he's not in the mood - this is a first. I was offended and he said he can't always want sex when I do.w. So I rolled over and laid a while thinking about everything. About 10 minutes later he asked if I was asleep, I said nothing. After a minute or so he asked again, I said nothing. He grabbed his phone and started masturbating right next to me in bed. I rolled over and he stopped and hid his phone, I had my eyes shut and pretended to be asleep so he continued while I watched him looking at pictures of his best friend Emma and then porn. I got up and stormed off to the toilet. When I came back he asked me what's wrong. I said nothing. He tried to snuggle up to me, he asked if I'm in a mood because he didn't want sex I said no I was just tied and I tried touching him and he pushed my hand away and said he was tired and we'd already had sex twice today I said it was once and how him losing his erection (becausw of the porn stuff) doesn't really count as sex as neither of us got off. He huffed and sighed and said OK he will have sex. He started touching himself trying to get hard and then came. He said he's not up to it tonight and rolled over. I'm so upset so I'm here looking for advice.

  2. #2
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    Why are you with this guy?

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    Im wondering the same thing as Holly.

    This guy needs more help to get over his porn addiction. Plus the way hes treating you is crass! Masturbating right next to you, after rejecting sex.

    You can find way better!

  4. #4
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    What the heck? There are so many things wrong with this relationship, OP.

    Your boyfriend is a complete tool. I would have dumped his sorry arse a while ago. Get rid of this clown and go and find yourself a real man.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    What the heck? There are so many things wrong with this relationship, OP.

    Your boyfriend is a complete tool. I would have dumped his sorry arse a while ago. Get rid of this clown and go and find yourself a real man.
    Couldn't have said it better!

    He does not love or respect you. Isn't it time you loved and respected yourself, by leaving this POS. I don't get why you have stayed with individual.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry this is happening. This is far from "100% amazing". You need to get to a doctor for an evaluation and suicide attempts as a well as get a referral for ongoing therapy. This problem is unfortunately keeping you in a bad situation. When you feel better and get some support you will see more clearly that you need to leave this jerk.
    Originally Posted by BonBonJ
    Firstly outside of this our relationship is 100% amazing. Despite my suicide attempt, me leaving him, all the fights........

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    He's (and you) got to get help for it or the relationship will probably not survive. You could also pull out the big guns - cut off sex or leave him for awhile.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    He's (and you) got to get help for it or the relationship will probably not survive. You could also pull out the big guns - cut off sex or leave him for awhile.
    . He doesn't care if she has sex with him, that's the problem.

    You have mentioned cutting off sex many times in your response. This is not dealing with the issue.

    She has been suicidal, having regular fights and miserable. She needs to leave!

    Please seek therapy.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 01-12-2020 at 12:22 PM.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You need to get out of this relaiotnship and get yourself into therapy. It's pretty obvious you have self esteem issues that will lead to even bigger issues if you don't get help. As for him, he has a big problem that he seems to not want to deal with so that's on him and not on you. His issue is not yours to resolve or be a part of. Cut the cord my dear. Learn to love yourself, gain some confidence and choose better more stable men to be with.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    He's (and you) got to get help for it or the relationship will probably not survive. You could also pull out the big guns - cut off sex or leave him for awhile.
    Um, he's already "cut off sex".

    And this punitive approach is neither mature nor helpful.


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