Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 21

Thread: What to do in this situation

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    22,233
    Originally Posted by FoxTones
    im Sure there will be lots of others out there.

    Her fiancé has absolutely no idea about anything that has happened of that I’m sure. I don’t know him and have never met him but I would imagine he would be devastated by it. Most people would.

    Interesting you raise moral standards - clearly everyone thinks I’m a dirt bag from the responses above - I get hers were questionable in that she was cheating on her fiancé, and I ignored that fact. But you also own your own actions and my conscious is clear in that respect as I was single. I guess I saw a future in it with her with kids which is something I’ve wanted for a long time and we could have looked past that if we started afresh and I do like the person underneath.
    You know damn well this is not okay. You know that she is engaged. it makes you just as bad as her.

    Have you told all of your family and friends that you are sleeping with someone who is engaged?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member milly007's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,070
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by FoxTones
    im Sure there will be lots of others out there.

    Her fiancé has absolutely no idea about anything that has happened of that I’m sure. I don’t know him and have never met him but I would imagine he would be devastated by it. Most people would.

    Interesting you raise moral standards - clearly everyone thinks I’m a dirt bag from the responses above - I get hers were questionable in that she was cheating on her fiancé, and I ignored that fact. But you also own your own actions and my conscious is clear in that respect as I was single. I guess I saw a future in it with her with kids which is something I’ve wanted for a long time and we could have looked past that if we started afresh and I do like the person underneath.
    So if you were dating (or engaged to) a woman, and found out she was cheating on you with a single man, you wouldn't hold the guy culpable because he was unattached?

    Come on, FoxTones. Talk about illogical reasoning.

    You know full well that what you're doing is wrong.

    You want to believe that you're the exception, and you're looking for any reason to believe that maybe, just maybe, one day she'll make you her plus one. But the truth of the matter is, she already told you that she will not be leaving her fiance.

    I'd cut contact with this woman immediately. Plus, what makes you think she wouldn't do the same thing to you as she's now doing to her fiance? She's playing/played both of you, and I feel sorry for her fiance who has absolutely no idea what he's marrying into.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    13,070
    Kids with her?

    I presume you'll be fine caring for the kids while she's running around on you. She can find a single guy so it won't be wrong.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2018
    Location
    The emerald city
    Posts
    1,137
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by FoxTones
    - I get hers were questionable in that she was cheating on her fiancé, and I ignored that fact. But you also own your own actions and my conscious is clear in that respect as I was single.
    Can you fight?

    Her fiance will find out about this eventually, and I doubt he'll accept that explanation.

    You might want to get to the gym and do some heavy bag work.

    I would also suggest a lot of incline sit-ups with a medicine ball on your gut. You need to really harden up the abdomen to absorb the strikes there.

    Or you could leave town. Probably for the best.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,121
    Gender
    Male
    Ok it's understandable you are lonely but the absolute worst choice you can make is not only a coworker but she has a bf. If you need someone to talk to make an appt with a therapist to help sort out the fallout from the demise of your marriage and get ongoing support through the divorce process. If you are ready to date get on some dating apps.
    Originally Posted by FoxTones
    I am happy about and am currently going through the separation/ divorce process.

    I met a work colleague - and she is engaged.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Location
    deleted
    Posts
    1,639
    Don't ever get involved with a woman who is already involved with someone else.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,196
    Gender
    Female
    If she will do it with you, she will do it to you. Think about that.

    Both of you are so in the wrong, I dont know how you cant see it. I feel sorry for her fiance, the sh1t will really hit the fan when he finds out, and he will. How can you live with yourself?

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,121
    Gender
    Male
    Agree. When your're in a bad place like the throes of divorce you pick bad people and make bad choices.
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    If she will do it with you, she will do it to you. Think about that.

  10. #19
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2019
    Posts
    19
    How long have you been seperate from your wife and when did you meet and start having these ‘talks’ with this other women .
    I could be wrong here but my intuitive senses are going off like crazy . Are you sure this other woman wasn’t on the scene prior to the ‘separation’ ???? No influence whatsoever ???
    And I have to agree that what you are doing here with her and her fiancé is wrong . Stay away and let that situation resolve itself one way or another
    I also happen to think what you are doing in terms of your own marriage ‘could ‘ be wrong depending on when you met this other woman and how long you have been separated . IF this other woman was on your radar before splitting with your wife you are being totally unfair on the union between your wife and you which cannot possibly compete with something which is obviously so new and exciting to you . If you met her very shortly after splitting , same thing.
    When have you given yourself time to really reflect on the marriage and what went wrong . This takes time .
    My sense is that this woman is an infactuation and a distraction that you are subconsciously using to avoid dealing with reality right now of a failed marriage . Again , I could be wrong , perhaps you and your wife have been spilt for years . However you avoidance of mentioning any time frame , the minimisation of the importance of her and your marriage in your post and the jumping to an unavailable woman makes me wonder

  11. #20

    Join Date
    Jan 2020
    Posts
    4
    The comments above re can I fight, sure I can fight. I’m a 6 foot 5, athletic and competitively box. But what does any of this have to do with the original question I asked - nothing.

    One of the few sensible and mature response in the above. I appreciate your reply Pinkcircle.

    Let me deal broadly with a number of comments in one broad stroke. When your ex wife calls you a piece of sh !t repeatedly, and is physically abusive towards you to the extent you are bruised, you do not have any right to say that is a marriage anymore as one of the fundamental principles of marriage, being respect is no longer present between the both of you. Violence either physical or emotional is reprehensible and unforgivable. If a guy did that to a woman you would scream and demand them to be out in gaol.

    I’m not perfect but at no point was I verbally or physically abusive to the one person who I should have been able to trust and lean on during that situation. I was the bread winner, overseeing the build, did all the chores and pretty much took care of everything. So when I say the marriage was dead, when I say there is no reconciling, I am unequivocal in this. I had moved on.

    You want timelines sure. The abuse continued from Feb/March during a difficult build where my builder went bankrupt. rather than attacking the builder the aggression was targeted towards me until June when I had resolved everything and carried from then at least until early September when I called an end to it.

    I started talking to my work colleague from mid August onwards and to a large extent she helped me realise how badly I had been treated, rather than just accepting and trying to make a marriage work. Through friendship she and another friend helped me realise what I was experiencing wasn’t right.

    In terms of when my colleague and I got closer timing it would be mid December, which for me started from a friendship. when you discuss children’s names, obviously someone is unsure of the decision they have made towards their partner and you are implicitly discussing a future together.

    I don’t judge her and count her as a very close friend to this day. I still see it as her being confused and unwilling to take the risk right now. What I was following was my own happiness, putting what I want first ahead of anyone else. You own your own actions, and I sleep very well at night looking back at every decision I have made.

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •