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Thread: Was it really my fault?

  1. #1

    Was it really my fault?

    Okay I really canít believe Iím writing on a breakup forum, I feel so pathetic but I need answers from some unbiased people. Iím sorry this is quite long.

    So, I met this beautiful girl online 9 months ago and we had been friends pretty instantly. Iíve never had feelings for a girl so I didnít expect anything like that to happen this time. Someone in the group chat where we met messaged me though and said she was like in love with me. I just shrugged it off because I didnít feel anything for her. Fast forward a bit and she made me a playlist - thatís the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. Things shifted from there, I felt that cliche feeling I thought only happened in fairytales. Every time I talked to her I had butterflies and felt tingly all over. So, we both started flirting and it was the most natural thing in the world even on FaceTime it was never awkward, only ever wonderful and filled with so much love. Eventually, it moved onto nudes and sexting - I had never done that before. Still, it was never awkward or uncomfortable it felt natural with her. Everything was wonderful and we had planned to meet over Christmas, I bought her a ton of presents for when I was meant to go see her. She was like my best friend and the best thing that happened to me in a while, we had a lot of fun together.


    On December 6th she revealed to me that she could only stay with me for one night of the week I had booked to be with her. I was really shocked because we had been planning this for months. She told me that her Mom is homophobic so she would get suspicious if she was away for longer than a day... Weíre both 20 so I donít see how her Motherís opinion matters but I accepted it because... well, I loved her. A week later she told me that we were never going to happen, that I was too much, that I was too far away, that I was too unstable. Then she asked to stay friends because she needed me and she wasnít Ďstableí enough for a relationship either. Needless to say I was completely heartbroken, and couldnít quite believe it I just said okay and turned my phone off and cried... and cried.


    A week later I ended up in Hospital, I was really really ill. For 3 days I barely moved and my best friend thought my crush had a right to know. She didnít even text me once to ask if I was okay or anything. On my 7th day in hospital she sent me ĒI have to tell you somethingĒ and I dont know why I replied but I did. Turns out that around two weeks before she told me we could never happen she had started dating her best friend...

    All I could say was ĒIím happy for youĒ then that was it, I didnít know what to say or do and I was still pretty out of it because of the Hospital drugs. It didnít stop there, she sent me snapchats of the two of them, the presents he got her, them going on dates, them kissing. I know I should have blocked her then, but I was heartbroken and weak.


    On Christmas morning she messaged me saying ďWhy was I being like this, youíre supposed to be happy for me, I thought we were friends.Ē Etc etc I just told her I wasnít doing this on Christmas Day.

    Two days later she text me saying that she was empty and lonely without me. I blocked her on everything then, couldnít take any more of the pain.

    So I guess I just need some unbiased opinions because talking to my friends only ever gets me the usual ďShe doesnít deserve youĒ but I cant help but miss her and just want her back... Donít know how to stop feeling this way 😞 I know your first relationship is always going to be rough but I genuinely miss her so much, I miss my best friend and just... I donít know 😞💔

    Thank you

    Mads x

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Did you ever meet in person? I don't mean over an electronic device but physically in person.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It would have worked out....it was the distance that killed it and the fact she decided to go with someone that was right there. LDR's rarely ever work out or are easy. I recommend you chalk this one up as experience and apply to the next time if it happens. Going no contact will help rip the band-aid off quicker. Right now nothing seem possible, but you will recover and meet someone new.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'm sure you're unable to see it now, but you dodged a bullet with this one. It appears she enjoys playing with your emotions, which shows her level of maturity, (imo). Hopefully you'll find someone local who has an IQ greater than that of a turnip. You can do better...

    I'd send her back to her sandbox, and move forward.

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  6. #5
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    This is a great example why you should date locally. You cannot have a LDR with someone you have never met, and it is hard enough with someone you do know. . She is a stranger and this is a fantasy.

    Her behavior is disgraceful, cruel and selfish. She is not friend material.

    Date locally with someone you can actually interact with. You never had her, as you never even met.

    Good that you blocked her!!!!!

    Do you have local friends, or are they all online?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 01-11-2020 at 05:55 PM.

  7. #6
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    I am sorry this happened to you.

    She is a pathological liar who used her mother's alleged views to sidestep her own duplicity; and then she followed it up by blaming you when this is entirely her own doing.

    I am not going to bother trying to put some label on her behavior, other than "toxic". Mendacity, and love-bombing followed by withdrawal of affection, and "gaslighting" are features of certain pathologies, though.

    You do not want to be around someone who does that to you.

    Keep her blocked. Destroy any and all electronic traces of her. If she finds you again, tell her to tell her story walking.

    And yes, date someone local.

  8. #7
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    Oh, dear. This is why it's an unwise idea to get emotionally invested in someone you've never met.

    I don't think this girl was ever truly your friend. What you describe sounds like some sort of toxic infatuation, but not genuine friendship or love. It also very much seems as though she'd been dishonest with you for a while, and only came clean about dating someone else when she could not no longer hide it. I have to wonder if he somehow found out about you, and put her up to sending those unnecessarily cruel messages and photos of them. Either way, it's a mess you don't want any part of.

    Keep her out of your life. She isn't a kind woman and will only continue to hurt you. In the future, don't attempt online relationships with someone you have not met in person. Get to know someone by spending ample time together offline before deciding whether to pursue a relationship.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You cant get her back because you never had her. This was all a big fantasy that fell apart. Keep her blocked on your phone and social media. Date locally, dont get mixed up in LDRs as they almost never work out.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to find people nearby who are ready, willing and able to date you. Too many excuses is a red flag.
    Originally Posted by Maddie242x
    She told me that her Mom is homophobic so she would get suspicious if she was away for longer than a day.


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