Really like this guy but not attracted to him

Hi there :)

I've recently been trying to date as I want to find a special person in my life. I've been on a few dates with different people but one guy in particular I've found I click with the most. We have a lot in common, like doing the same things, we're the same age (28) we have similar values and we've talked for hours on the 3 dates we've been on so far.

The only problem is I'm not sexually or physically attracted to him at all. I really wish I was. I've unfortunately had this problem a lot in my life, where I find guys who I like so much in so many ways and they're always really good people, but when it comes to having sex, kissing etc I just feel nothing.

I've been extremely attracted to other guys in the past so I know that I can be, and with the guys I'm attracted to I always feel more drawn to them and like I want to spend more time with them so I know that it's something important to me and something that I feel like I will need in a long-lasting relationship.

I dunno I guess I'm just confused.. on one hand I want to see if something sparks if I continue to see him, and on the other hand I really don't want to waste his time and lead him on as that would just hurt him more down the track.

He seems to really like me so far so I am terrified of hurting him. He's a pretty nervous and anxious guy and he hasn't had much experience with women so I'm wondering if this has anything to do with my lack of attraction as well. Maybe when he becomes more comfortable and confident with me I will start to feel it a little more? But yeah I have no idea :/

Hey,

If the attraction isn’t there at all, it’s just not going to be there no matter how confident this guy gets. It’s okay beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There’s a guy who you will find both interesting and attractive. I think you have to set this guy free so he can find the woman that will be attracted to him.

Here's how I used to do my "boundary" -if I was ambivalent about whether the spark was there, then if by date 4 I didn't desire to kiss him or didn't enjoy/feel attracted to him when we kissed (if we'd kissed) I was done and moved on -to me 4 dates wasn't leading on and was enough time for me to know either way. I remember one guy who I liked quite a bit but had some doubts about because he was a recovering drug addict. We kissed on the 4th date and I felt nothing/was slightly repulsed. So I was done. He was really upset because I'd allowed him to pressure me into meeting my parents (there was an event we all attended -it wasn't so he could meet my parents) and I still felt like I had to give it a chance to see if I felt more of a spark -I was slightly attracted but absolutely not enough to continue.

If you're not attracted to him, don't prolong seeing him anymore. End it and the earlier the better. Be honest and even though he will be hurt which is inevitable, the best thing you can do is get it over and done with graciously as possible.

Someday, you'll know when the right man comes along. He hasn't yet. Patience is key.

It's a shame when that happens, but nobody said life is easy. Keep sifting through the sand until you find the treasure.

Thanks guys I really appreciate the responses :)

I was kind of scared that those were the responses I would get, but I do think you're all right in that I should let him go. I really want him to find the right person for him and I do for me too so it's probably the best thing to do.

I would not continue seeing him. You don't have the right feelings to date him, and that's not a shot at either of you. Sometimes attraction just isn't there.

You've met a guy who you see as a friend, but not a lover.

Ok you seem to know what to do. Have you considered making more friends in general? Join some groups and clubs and take some recreational classes and courses as well as finding some volunteer opportunities or even a side job for fun.

This way you could keep busy, interact with men as friends and know more clearly who to date and who not to keep going out with. You wouldn't just keep going out because of loneliness or boredom.

I really want him to find the right person for him and I do for me too so it's probably the best thing to do.

Chemistry is not something that can be forced. It's either there, or it's not.

You see him as a friend, That's not likely to change.

You need someone you are attracted to and also compatible with. It's not easy. Like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Keep looking.

Look at the bright side, at least you won't be heartbroken over it.