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Ex and I are back together after her rebound


UofM

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Hello

I was dating a woman for almost 2 years before she broke up with me back in May due to me just not being available. I admit I was not there for her like I boils have been and really do not blame her for breaking up with me. She got into another relationship right away for about 3 months but ended ending things with him to get back together with me.We remained in contact off and on during the breakup and had sex a few times. I didn’t find out about this guy until after we got back together. At first she downplayed the relationship she had with him and recently admitted that they were dating but was not serious for her as she could not stop thinking about me and was just using him to get over me.

My issue is that I just cannot get over the fact the she was with someone else during our time apart despite her insisting that she was just using him to get over me. I know she really loves me. She tells me constantly how much she loves and misses and even sends texts messages from work telling me she can’t wait to see when she she gets home.

Like I said I just cannot get over the fact that she dated someone else during our breakup.

Would you guys stick it out or end it with her?

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Can I ask how old you guys are?

 

At the end of the day, this is the sort of thing you can either get over or not. For some it's pretty easy, for others impossible. Me? If I trusted that what we had was strong and special and genuinely worth another round of emotional investment, I wouldn't mind. But I also can't see myself ever finding out, since I'd never grill someone on what they were up to when we were broken up. Got back together with one ex a million years ago and never asked those questions, never had them asked. I'd gone on some dates during the intermission, imagine she did as well, but can't recall it ever being a point of stress.

 

Did you expect her to be faithful to you after ending things? Were you a chaste monk during those three months? Is there a chance that you're using this little dalliance as an excuse to get out of something that you're not too certain about, deep down?

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What happened happened. You got another chance with this girl, and she is who she is; so it’s your call.

 

People sometimes need perspective to value what they have. I’d say if she cheated on you at the end that you should consider ending it; but if not, accept that she seems to be yours now and give it a chance if it’s what you want.

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It's something you have to accept and never bring up or move on from the relationship.

 

If you are on here posting about it then I guess that means you have doubts which means you can't accept it so should end it. For me also she's shown she's happy to cheat which is a massive red flag.

 

If she's cheated on him with you then it's certainly within her nature to do the same to you should a better option present itself in future. Saying I was only with him for 3 konths or whatever is lame. A cheats a cheat.

 

Best of luck either way.

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She broke up with you because she wasn't getting your time and attention.

She dated him fair and square.

You knew she was dating someone for a couple of months because you knew she broke up with him to get back together with you.

I know everyone wants to believe their ex is sitting around, lonely, and doing nothing to move on in case something changes. That isn't reasonable to believe.

 

So don't let her regret getting back together for you - actually make time for her, or she is going to break up with you again because she realizes she is back in the same relationship with no changes.

 

 

If she's cheated on him with you then it's certainly within her nature to do the same to you should a better option present itself in future. Saying I was only with him for 3 konths or whatever is lame. A cheats a cheat.

 

They broke up and got back together. It sounds like she broke up with a guy she dated or 12 weeks because she realized she still had feelings for her ex. She never cheated on him when they were together the first time and she did the right thing by the other guy if she was still thinking about her ex.

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Like I said I just cannot get over the fact that she dated someone else during our breakup.

Would you guys stick it out or end it with her?

 

I would end it, yet not for the reason she dated someone during your breakup, but because she left him to get back with you without taking the time to get her life in order. Having said that, keep in mind that history has a tendency to repeat itself.

 

Also, where do you see the prize in someone who sleeps with you, while in that same period of time is sleeping with the other guy?

 

Your call...

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You both sound immature in your own way. Imo, neither of you is ready for a mature relationship. Signs: Her, monkey branching and going back to a guy (you) who is just not that into her. You, going back to an ex you were just not that into because your ego couldn't stand her leaving and then coming up with new excuses in order to emotionally pull back again. Imo, you were just not that into her to begin with and now that you have her back whatever you are missing is creeping up again. The rebound is a red herring. The real problem you need to address is what broke you up in the first place. Imo, that's what is tearing you apart again.

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The above post from Clio is spot on.

 

With the speed of everything in your first post I thought you were worried that she's only come back to you because it wasn't working out with rebound.

 

Sounds more like ego and insecurity to me. Do you only want her because she found someone else? Now she's back the appeal has worn off again and you are clutching at straws to find a reason to end it.

 

Have you made the changes she's asked for but now a short time later realised that it's not what you can offer long term?

 

 

Either way it's not fair to mess her around and keep yo-yo'img back and forth while you work out what you want.

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Well, you guys were broken up so let me ask you this: Had she had other relationships before you or was she a virgin?

 

If the former then what’s the big deal/difference...?

 

Anyway, I’m happy for you bud (and slightly envious). You’ve got a chance at something the majority of people want but never get...

 

Appreciate that and make it work.

 

Best of Luck

Carus*

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Sorry to hear this. On/off relationships are usually quite conflicted and your situation unfortunately illustrates why. First of all there were unresolved conflicts, then there are attempts are moving on.

 

So now add sustained unresolved conflict to new conflicts. And this is what you have in front of you. Perhaps you'll limp along for a while but the stress will eventually erode things. This is just cycling between dating, fwb, breaking up, making up, etc.

I was dating a woman for almost 2 years before she broke up with me back in May due to me just not being available. She got into another relationship right away for about 3 months but ended ending things with him to get back together with me.We remained in contact off and on during the breakup and had sex a few times.

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When a relationship ends, both partners should be learning from their mistakes, amending their behavior, and moving on to not repeat those same mistakes again. What have the two of you done to make a real change in fixing the reason the relationship ended in the first place? You can move on into a new relationship with her, but it will only fail again unless the issues were addressed, no?

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It would bother me if the person I had been serious with, was able to jump into someone else's bed that quickly. It's sure not a sign that they were really in love with me and needed time to get over me.

 

On your part, I'm not even sure you love her either given that you took her for granted and treated her poorly.

But that still doesn't make a whole lot of sense for her to run to another man this quickly.

 

I agree with what someone else said, you both are not mature enough to behave as responsible adults in a relationship, or know how to treat each other properly and with love.

It sounds like a recipe for a disaster and it doesn't sound like you have a very strong relationship built on very much of anything.

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was just using him to get over me

 

This as well.

 

What the heck?!...using someone to get over someone else. That's either incredibly immature or incredibly selfish.

You don't "use" another human being to get over someone. You heal properly on your own until you're ready to date again.

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Reminds me of Ross and Rachel from the show Friends. "WE WERE ON A BREAK"

But seriously, this could be one of those rare opportunities to rekindle, but it could also follow most on and off statistics of failure.

 

FWIW, I know of a couple that had a period of time in the late teens/early twenties where they dated other people for a short period of time and forged their union after that. They are celebrating 52 years of marriage.

 

Good luck

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You were broken up, so she could do whatever she wanted. She was single so she actually did nothing wrong by dating that guy. It sounds like you're jealous and because of that you're acting like she wronged you. Jealousy is a normal emotion but she actually didn't cheat on you and did nothing wrong. So if you truly want to give this relationship another chance, then I think you'll have to get over it. But if you think this relationship isn't really going to work out because you're not sure about it, then you might want to reconsider getting back together. That has to be for other reasons though because you can't just hold that over her forever.

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Can I ask how old you guys are?

 

At the end of the day, this is the sort of thing you can either get over or not. For some it's pretty easy, for others impossible. Me? If I trusted that what we had was strong and special and genuinely worth another round of emotional investment, I wouldn't mind. But I also can't see myself ever finding out, since I'd never grill someone on what they were up to when we were broken up. Got back together with one ex a million years ago and never asked those questions, never had them asked. I'd gone on some dates during the intermission, imagine she did as well, but can't recall it ever being a point of stress.

 

Did you expect her to be faithful to you after ending things? Were you a chaste monk during those three months? Is there a chance that you're using this little dalliance as an excuse to get out of something that you're not too certain about, deep down?

 

We are in our 40s

I didn’t grill her about it. During the time we were getting back together she asked me to meet her at her place after work. I had a key to her place so I let myself in and waited for her to get home and saw a couple letters with his name on them.

I’ve had a key to her place ever since we started dating and she never wanted it back. When I asked her why she didn’t want it back she said she felt comfort in knowing that we still had a connection.

No i didn’t expect he to remain single. However we remained in contact with one another during the breakup and she never mentioned that she was seeing someone. We even hooked up a few times during that time.

I didn’t have time to see anyone during that time as I was extremely busy with work and and a sick family member.

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My apologies. His timelines makes it sound like she was with rebound And started seeing OP again at same time.

 

That’s correct. She said that she stopped seeing him when we started talking on a more regular basis but continued talking to him via phone because she felt bad for him because she knew how lonely he was.

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