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Thread: left on seen after discussing plans and first date

  1. #1

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    Jan 2020
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    left on seen after discussing plans and first date

    Context: I'm a 20 year old male who recently started working at a place a year ago. A girl who worked same days as me would sometimes flirt by saying some cringy line about my looks, would wait for me to finish (she would even wait an hour) so that we can take the bus together back, and other girl coworkers would tell me that this girl likes me and wants to go out with me and is shy around me.

    At first I didn't really reciprocate her actions since im quiet and sort of shy. After a few months, a coworker told me the girl always talks about me and wants me to ask her out so I asked her out and she agreed and we went on a date. The date itself went fine and smooth, I was myself and we both talked equally and asked each other questions and learnt more about each other. I paid for dinner and everything and we basically spoke on the date for around 5-6 hours. After this date, I confessed my feelings to her even tho i didnt want to cause the other co worker asked her about the date after I told her about it (cause i wanted to know what the girl thought about the date). Ever since my confession, things have been awkward around us and she would usually make little chit chat at work when she sees me but now she hadn't been talking. She even told me she declined a lot of guy's requests to ask her out and I was the only one she accepted and I complimented her.

    She's close with a guy coworker and he ended up telling me that she told him about the date and was asking what its like to 'like' someone and date someone. She asked him since he's been in a lot of dates and relationships and it's her first time. This guy coworker then told me she ended up telling him she likes guys who make moves and are sort of flirty.

    So after this, I made little chit chat with her on fb and spoke a bit about our awkwardness and how I was new to dating too and she seemed fine with it. I started another conversation a day later and started acting a bit flirty but we discussed a second date and she agreed to it.

    Side note: this girl had always replied within a couple hours or within the day everytime I messaged her.

    So after talking, I sent a flirty ish message but after a few minutes she apparently 'accidentally' called me. After that I sent another flirty ish message saying something like "oh was it actually an accident?" but she just seen it and didnt reply.
    After a day I then messaged her "so how does this place at this time on this day sound?" and she left me on seen.

    As of now, it's been a day since she seen the last message and I really don't know what to do. I might see her at work tomorrow but we originally planned the 2nd date after tomorrow so I want to confirm details with her. This entire time she had been replying quickly and normally and now she just leaves me on seen for no reason? I just dont understand why she would do this. We also planned a hangout with some coworkers next week to which she invited me to.

    Do I message her again to ask why she isn't responding? Or do I give her time and wait til tomorrow or after tomorrow? It says she was active not too long ago so I know she went back on facebook but decided not to reply to me. But then again I dont want to seem aggressive or desperate.

    If she really wasnt interested in my she could just unfriend me or block me but she hasnt done that. Am just confused where did all her interest suddenly disappear?

    Any advice?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member happyfrank's Avatar
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    First things first. Relax!!!!

    Please give people time to respond. She can be busy with life. You don't want to be a clingy person that expects replies right away. Women don't find that attractive at all.

    Take your time. It's important to be patient and let things go smoothly.

    Go enjoy hobby and take it easy.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    What did you say in your confession?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I confessed my feelings to her What the heck is this about? When you have a crush on a girl, asking her out on dates is showing you that you're interested. You don't need to spell it out at this early stage by speaking of "feelings." That might've scared her away. First dates should be kept light and fun, not gushing over how much you like a girl. Save that for when you're getting serious and thinking of becoming exclusive.

    And leave the grapevine out of it. Don't seek info about her from others, what she thinks of you, etc. That's kids stuff you need to leave behind. You just need to wait and see if she replies, and if she doesn't, at least you tried. This is the time of your life you'll be meeting loads of girls your age, so if it doesn't work out with her, there'll be another one who interests you soon enough.

    Every time you get an experience like this, you'll learn more each time. Good luck!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I agree with others. Both of you need to concentrate on each other as opposed to blabbing about you two to others. Make a pact on that. This new association with her should remain private between two people and not for friends or co-workers.

    Since you know she had seen your messages and she didn't bother responding, don't hound and pester her. If she continues to ignore you, take a hint and don't do anything. If she's interested in you, let her inquire you and then both of you can arrange a date if feelings and correspondence are mutual. If she continues to give you "radio silence" or all you hear are "crickets," there is your answer. She's not interested and that's that.

    Move on and don't take her seriously because obviously she's not serious with you otherwise, she would've given you common courtesy.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Pay attention to what happens in person. If she accepts dates the tone and demeanor on dates and in person. People use social media and devices in different ways so you're just reading the tea leaves when it comes to decoding this type of thing.

    Don't let your interpretations play tricks on your mind when the true barometer of things is standing up and going on dates and acting interested in person. Anybody with two thumbs can text.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    You are 20 years old, so you have many years ahead of you.
    If you are shy and awkward and admittedly self-conscious it can have negative consequences for a guy looking to date someone. Believe me, that was me in my teen years but with practice you will get better.
    So, be genuine and not try to be someone else and keep your eyes open for other girls.

    I will leave you with this....
    The majority of women find it attractive when a guy pursues them, not the other way around so try to be the one pursuing. If you really like a girl make a move!


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