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Is it over?


Oblivionwalk

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Hello I’m trying to get some help and perspective on my situation. I 44M was in a relationship 33F who recently gave me the dreaded “I need to figure things out” line. I know she was recently out of a seven year relationship and suspected that she wants to give it another try with him so I told her I appreciate her letting me know and to call me if things change. A few days later she texted me from work telling me she missed me and she still loves me and always will. She called me on her break and we talked for a bit and she said she didn’t know how much time she needs. After we hung up she texted me and told me how much she missed talking to me then followed up with “let me figure things out I promise I will be in touch”. I went to Florida to do my own thing (we live in PA) and not be around. I saw a rainbow, snapped a pic and sent it to her with the caption “I saw this and it reminded me of you. She responded with “thanks. Hope all is well”. I didn’t respond and haven’t reached out again. Do you think it’s over or is there any hope?

 

Thank you!

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\ I know she was recently out of a seven year relationship and suspected that she wants to give it another try with him

 

If this is indeed what she's really doing, then it's not very kind. She's basically reconciled and feeding you just enough to keep you on ice. This makes you plan B. Is that ok with you?

 

In addition, imagine you are her boyfriend. How would you feel if you were working on getting your 7 year relationship back on track and your girlfriend was fanning a flame for her back up plan.

 

Look, she's probably a lovely lady and I don't mean to paint her ugly. But the kindest thing to do would be to be transparent with you about what's going on, wish you well and say goodbye. In the event things don't work out she could find you again and start over. But in the meantime she needs to set you free instead of giving you mixed messages and false hope.

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You don't say how long you've dated but If I were you, I'd be snapping pics of you with your arm around a new date. She should be seeing you moving on because that is what you should be doing if she is indeed "giving it another try with him." I'd find that out and if she is tryin it on with him, then you try it on with someone new and do your best to forget her.

 

So how long did you date before she needs this distance to figure things out?

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We were together for three months. Normally I wouldn’t get hung up over it but she told me how much she loves me and wanted me to meet her parents and friends and wants to move forward with our relationship. She got me to fall for her and now I’m confused. I lined up a date for Friday and someone else for Saturday because I’m not going to just sit around and wait.

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We were together for three months. Normally I wouldn’t get hung up over it but she told me how much she loves me and wanted me to meet her parents and friends and wants to move forward with our relationship. She got me to fall for her and now I’m confused. I lined up a date for Friday and someone else for Saturday because I’m not going to just sit around and wait.

 

Glad to hear you're not going to sit around and wait... look after yourself and your own best interests. You've only known this woman for 3 months and talking about how "much she loves you" after that short period of time is a bit of a red flag. She certainly could show you how much she is liking you in that time but her proclamations of love were most likely just lust and infatuation... after all, she doesn't really know you either.

 

Have fun on your dates.

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You snapped a pic of a rainbow and she said.."thanks, hope all is well"? Ouch.

 

She's not interested, my guess is, she's got another man on the line. Could be the ex, might be a new guy.

 

Either way, make no mistake about it, you were the rebound and she's now done with you. If someone tells you they love you within 3 months of dating, something's not right.

She doesn't know you well enough to be saying that and it's way too early.

Obviously it was all a bunch of bs while she had her eye on another man waiting to hear from him. Now she probably has and you're no longer interesting.

 

Move on, let it go. She was too young for you anyhow.

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A few days later she texted me from work telling me she missed me and she still loves me and always will.

 

You don't define your use of the word "recently" in your OP, but 7 years is a really long time for her to jump into something new with someone else. There's a myriad of reasons she could have said this, but for the hopeful and love-struck man it's a confirmation of love that only melts the heart. In reality it could have been that her ex was acting up again, and she wanted the attention and feeling of having someone to fall back on (you), but your presence only gave her enough strength to face her ex again.

 

All speculation, but the recurring theme seems that these "unclear" situations spell out bad news for the new hopeful. It happened to me too: "I love you, I miss you, I want to be with you, I don't know what I want to do." Blah blah blah. It's the same old story, posted on these boards over and over, different usernames. They all go back to the ex.

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Whenever someone is newly broken up, it's best to preserve future potential by NOT jumping into a relationship to play the rebound. You can say that I really like you and can picture the two of us dating in the future. That's why I'm walking away while we both still think highly of one another. You get to acclimate to single life, and I get the peace of mind knowing that maybe someday when you're completely healed from your breakup and you're on solid ground, you can let me know. If I'm still available then, we can meet to catch up. Meanwhile, I wish you the best.

 

You can still tell her this if she contacts you again. Take the pressure cooker out of the picture and let her stabilize on her own. Then if you hear from her in a few months to a year, you'll both be able to trust that she's put her ghosts to rest and can focus on a good thing.

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