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Thread: How Important is "Passion" to you?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    This reminds me of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears. You tried one chair and it was too hard. You tried another chair and it was too soft. You have to keep on until you find one that is just right.

    Even though I was merely a few months shy of 15 years, I dated for the first time, and the guy thought French kissing was gross. I had no experience with making out, but even so, I quickly grew bored of this. I don't see this as you growing bored with an otherwise nice guy because you're subconsciously hung up on dysfunction. I'm reading it as he's just a bit too vanilla for your tastes.

    Yes, you're settling. Sure he's has good traits, but like some of the others have said, they are good traits for a friend, but a passionate relationship should be a friendship caught on fire, and he's lacking for those sparks.

    Passion never retains the level of the heady first months of a relationship, but great sparks still happen regularly between couples who are really into each other.

    I wouldn't invest any more time into a relationship where you are regularly unsatisfied. Give yourself some alone time to move on, and in the meantime, make a must have list and deal breaker list and stick to it in your next dating experience. You'll feel better about cutting people lose a lot sooner, telling yourself you can't waste your time, and feel more confident of sticking with them if they match you in all the major ways. Good luck.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Try not to hinge your value and existence around sex or how desirable you are. His sex drive differs from yours, you've known this for over a year.. So that is incompatibilities perhaps on many levels. Why not end things if you are unhappy?
    Originally Posted by Natasha207
    He has now offered information that he suffers from episodes of mania followed by depression. Could this explain the wavering libido? I'm so frustrated- he has many great qualities in a boyfriend but I just dont know if I can live like this with zero passion.

  3. #23
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    I would not; otherwise, it is a platonic relationship.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    This reminds me of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears. You tried one chair and it was too hard. You tried another chair and it was too soft. You have to keep on until you find one that is just right.
    Yes! It's important to grasp that most people are NOT our match. Some young people see peers coupling up and marrying, and they believe that that's just what they are 'supposed to' do. It takes years of experience to learn that most of those early relationships fall apart as one or the the other ages out of them, and hindsight teaches that at least 50% (I'd wager more) of those marriages end up in divorce court--with a big financial mess and their kids having the rug ripped out from under them.

    Don't latch onto perfectly good people who are NOT your match. If you're not getting the kind of love you want, then chalk it up to a life lesson about allowing wrong matches to pass early, and go find your Self. From there you'll be on a much more grounded and stable platform for screening out bad matches before latching onto them just because they are 'nice'. Skip that. Hold out for the love of your life--with a clear sense that anything less is far less than you deserve.

    True simpatico is rare, because love is supposed to be rare. If it were not, what would be so special about it?

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  6. #25
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    I enjoy his company, we laugh together and we have made many memories on countless adventures
    What you describe there is a good friend , someone you can call , have a laugh with , enjoy days out with .... and there it ends . Don't be fooled by the fact that he is nicer then the last bloke ... I have also been in toxic relationships and it is easy to slip into something and be grateful because * at least they are not been abusive * ...

    You deserve lust , desire , fulfillment and you don't have to settle or feel fickle because you want that ...don't settle .

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You have every right to emphasize what goes on in your bedroom. Everyone's different.

    For me, it's down to "brass tacks" in my relationship. I want to know what everyday life is like with my partner and husband, in my case. Is life easy or difficult? Passion or love does not conquer all in my book. What I consider real passion is how everyday life is. Money being the big factor because financial security is paramount. Then there's good health, smooth, normal, predictable respect between two people, integrity when no one is looking over your or his shoulder and overall peace of mind.

    The spark is still there because life is good. I'd say there is zero enthusiasm if "essentials" of everyday life were not secured first and foremost. If like is smooth sailing with an easy man to get along with, then yes, the love intensity is there. If life is a daily struggle, if there are personality and character conflicts, money woes, poor health and headaches, then my answer is 'no,' there is zero passion let alone brain space for anything else but serious worries.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    It depends on what you're looking for and your age.

    If you're okay with a roommate type of relationship and you want company more than anything, then this is fine. Same if you're older (older than 50) and aren't too fussed anymore about intimacy or have physical issues with it. Then this would work well.

    However, if you're still young and you still want a sexual relationship with lots of spark etc, then this will not work.
    It might be sort of nice company wise for a short while, but it will become boring and even depressing before long.

  9. #28
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Wow, this is almost an absolute mirror of my own experience.

    14 year horribly unhealthy relationship, yet unbelievably good sex.

    Followed by a phenomenal companionship, respect and communication yet left unsatisfied in bed.

    I was good for about two years in my healthy rapport but “beige” and infrequent sex life situation, and I ended up staying and “settling” for almost another four years. In hindsight, it would have been far kinder for me to end the relationship as soon as I knew I wasn’t going to ever be sexually fulfilled in it.

    I don’t know about you but there was some fear about hurting my partner’s feelings when the interpersonal stuff was so easy and loving. There was some fear about leaving and never “doing better,” i.e. maybe I was being greedy and expecting too much by considering leaving her for unknown but potential options?

    If I could do it all again I’d still date #2 and experience the healthy partnership...but I would not make any decisions based on fear.

    Today I’m dating somebody loving and stable and we can’t keep our hands off of each other...

    Good luck and lots of love, whatever you end up choosing to do!

  10. #29
    Bronze Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Just something to read : [Register to see the link]

  11. #30
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Spawn
    Just something to read : [Register to see the link]
    Wow, that is a really great article Spawn. That really helped me actually! Thanks for posting, worth a read for many people especially the 50% rate that throw in the towel on their marriage.

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