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Thread: Was this coworker low key trying to figure out if I'm single?

  1. #1

    Was this coworker low key trying to figure out if I'm single?

    I was catching up with an old, formally mutual coworker crush from 3 years ago and then he asked out of the blue (in reference to my log in username still left on a computer that he got on after me), "Did you change your last name? I didn't recognize it, thought maybe you got married." For 7 years we used to communicate via email for work related reasons pretty frequently. Granted, it's been 3-4 years since he last saw my last name but I find it hard to believe he wouldn't "recognize" it. Is it likely he was trying to see if I'm single without coming right out and saying it? It IS at work and people are worried about getting in trouble for sexual harassment these days. (I'm 38 and he's 60ish). I returned to this job recently but part-time on a different schedule from his so unfortunately I'll only be working with him once in a blue moon. He once had an obvious crush on me during a time we frequently had to communicate about referrals but nothing came of it because my dept downsized and I transferred.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Sounds like casual office flirting to me, but with your age difference, maybe it's just kind banter.
    Are you interested in him?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    If he did not remember your name, it's more likely he never cared because he never cared about you. And if he had a crush, why did nothing happen? He could have called you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I don't know his intent, but do you really want to start something with this huge age gap? He'll likely be retiring within the next few years, and you'll still have more than 20 years before you retire. He'll be wanting a more regular companion but you'll be working. I'm glad my husband is close in age to me, because I have to help out my elderly parents now and then which can be tiring. If my husband was also their age and I had to assist him with elderly needs as well, I'd really be exhausted.

    Reading between the lines, it doesn't sound like you've had much of a dating life in recent years. Try Meetup.com and search for local activity groups of singles in your age group.

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  6. #5
    I'd be interested in getting to know him better but with the age difference and hardly ever working together it's unlikely to happen. So while I'm curious about the name question, I'm still focusing on dating other men.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree it's just banter. Is there any reason you want to pursue this? Recent divorce or breakup or difficultly dating?
    Originally Posted by garfish99
    I'm 38 and he's 60ish. I returned to this job recently but part-time on a different schedule from his so unfortunately I'll only be working with him once in a blue moon.

  8. #7
    I got out of a 15 year relationship 5 years ago and had a terminally ill dad so dating seriously was not a priority these last several years no. I've also been dating a man semi-casually for several years. This was just a weird crush that popped up out of nowhere. I feel like I'm still currently trying to date for fun and not necessarily to get serious with anyone. My father died only 6 months ago and had a lot of other crap going on.
    Last edited by garfish99; 01-09-2020 at 11:49 AM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
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    Its normal to ask people if you are married, have kids now, etc, if you used to work together. I would not interpret it as anything other than that. Unless he actually asks you out, assume it is all just "how has your life been since we worked together".


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